The Truth About Overwhelm: Why You Feel It and How to Stop the Cycle

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Today, we’re digging into the real reason you feel so out of balance - and no, it’s not just your calendar. I’m talking about overwhelm: what it really is, how it hijacks your body, and the two ways women typically respond to it. I’ll help you figure out which one you are and walk you through how to stop the cycle in the moment. Plus, I’m sharing a super practical tool that takes just 10 minutes a day and has helped tons of working moms go from frazzled to focused. If you’re tired of the burnout hamster wheel, this episode is a must-listen.  

Topics in this episode:

  • What overwhelm actually is (hint: it’s a nervous system thing) 

  • The 2 types of overwhelmed moms - are you a procrastinator or a hyper-doer? 

  • How to break free from the fight-or-flight response in real time 

  • Long-term strategies to stay out of overwhelm for good 

  • A free 10-minute Daily Kickstart tool to help you feel in control and calm  

Show Notes & References:

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Transcript

Intro

Hey, hey working moms. Let me ask you, when life feels off balance, what's the first thing you feel? If you said overwhelmed, you're not alone. In fact, it's the number one word my clients use to describe their day to day life. And here's the kicker. It's not just a busy calendar causing it. It's a fight or flight response playing out in your body. In this episode, we're diving into what overwhelm really is. The two main ways women react to it. You're probably one or the other, and what to do in the moment to get out of the cycle. Plus, I'm giving away a free tool that's helped my clients go from frazzled to focus in just 10 minutes a day. If you're tired of running on empty, this one's for you. You ready working moms? Let's get to it.

Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms podcast, your go to resource for integrating your career ambitions with life as a mom, I'm distilling down thousands of coaching conversations I've had with working moms just like you, along with my own personal experience as a mom of two and sharing the most effective tools and strategies to help you quickly feel calm, confident, and in control of your ambitious working mom life. You ready? Let's get to it.

Preparing for the Next Ambitious and Balanced Cohort

Hey, hey working moms. Excited to be with you today.

I'm in the middle of prepping for the next Ambitious and Balanced cohort that starts in the middle of May, and I've been thinking a lot about this next group, coaching them and the current cohort and what they're experiencing right now. There’s this universal experience that so many working moms have, and a response to that experience that is so typical, that I wanted to bring it on today’s podcast episode and talk about it.

If you are not on the waitlist for the May cohort, I really highly suggest that you get on that because I am going to be sending out emails to that group specifically, and they're going to be offered a little something special when they sign up. You can go to the show notes for the link to sign up for the next Ambitious and Balanced cohort and get on that waitlist. We start in the middle of May.

The Universal Experience Every Working Mom Has Faced

Okay, so what is this universal experience that every working mom I know has experienced? Here’s how the conversation almost always starts when I talk about work-life balance particularly sustainable work-life balance. Because remember, that’s what I’m all about. It’s not just about feeling better today. I want you to learn the skills that are necessary to sustainably feel balanced and in control, no matter what your circumstances are. Whether that’s today in your current job, two years from now in your next job, when you move up and get promoted, or whether you have one kid, two kids, or five kids.

Defining Balance and Imbalance

Often my conversations with clients and in my cohorts start with me asking them: What does balance really mean to you?

I literally write it out on a piece of paper and we look at it. We all kind of have a universal idea of what this typically means. It’s things like wanting time for yourself, time for your family, not always feeling like you’re working all the time, not always thinking about work. You want to rest more. You want more fun in your life.

Then, the conversation always follows with this next question: What does imbalance look like?

We first paint a picture, a vision, of what balance is and what your goal is when we talk about sustainable work-life balance. Then we talk about what a life in an imbalanced state looks like today, so we can create a roadmap from here to there.

Overwhelm: The Precursor to Burnout

Almost always, the very first thing I hear from working moms when we start talking about imbalance is this: Overwhelmed. Overwhelm is a precursor to burnout. If you stay in overwhelm too long, you’re going to burn out. That’s why it causes imbalance.

Other things I hear clients say a lot: anxiousness and worry about not being able to get everything done, feeling like you’re failing all the time, not living up to expectations in any part of your life, feeling like you’re on the bottom of the priority list, and your family is getting the leftovers when you’re over-prioritizing work.

The Numbers Don’t Lie: Overwhelm is Common

According to a 2024 study, 65% of working moms claim to experience regular seasons of chronic overwhelm not just occasional overwork, but a chronic state of feeling behind, not prioritizing enough sleep or rest, and never getting enough done. On top of that, 74% of working moms surveyed feel like they carry the mental load of the family thinking about childcare, doctor’s appointments, summer camps, enriching experiences, routines, parenting challenges, pickups, drop-offs. This is why working moms experience what’s called the double shift, you work a full-time day job, and then you come home and work another full-time job managing your family.

The Overwhelm Equation

If 74% of you are feeling like you are essentially working two full-time jobs, it makes sense why overwhelm is such a common experience. Because overwhelm, at the heart of it, is a correlation between how much you have to do, how much time you have to do it, and the quality with which you expect yourself to do it.

Think about it like it’s an equation:

The number of tasks you need to get done + the expectation of how well you execute them + the amount of time you have = either a state of overwhelm or a state of feeling successful and balanced.

The mindset I hear from working moms that causes a lot of the overwhelm sounds like this:

  • There’s not enough time.

  • I can’t get it all done.

  • There’s too much to do.

  • I should be able to get more done.

  • I’m not doing enough.

  • I didn’t get enough done today.

If any of these thoughts chronically pass through your head, they create a regular state of overwhelm.

Two Overwhelm Reactions: Paralyzed or Hyperactive

When you’re thinking, I can’t get it all done or there’s not enough time, and you’re feeling overwhelmed, you typically do one of two things—and it amazes me how predictable this is.

Reaction #1: Paralysis and Procrastination
You feel paralyzed by the overwhelm and procrastinate. You focus on non-essential tasks. You move into indecision about what to do or how to approach tasks. You might even get up for a snack, take a short break, or scroll social media—which often turns into a long break.

Reaction #2: Hyper-Doing and Overworking
Or, you fling yourself into action—what I call hyper-doing or hyperactivity. Pedal to the metal, just getting things done. This might sound productive, but hyperactivity always leads to overworking: working late, logging on during weekends, staying constantly available, canceling rest, operating on little to no sleep, and running like a machine just trying to crank out tasks.

Which One Are You?

Take a moment and think about it. Which one describes you?

In my experience, my clients are split about 50/50. Even in my current cohort, when we had a conversation about overwhelm, half were procrastinators and half were hyper-doers. For me personally, I’m a procrastinator. When I feel overwhelmed, my brain feels foggy. I can’t make a decision about anything. I stare at my to-do list, wondering what to do, or I knock out easy tasks, check emails, clear my inbox, or scroll social media.

Both procrastination and hyperactivity cause burnout and unsustainable balance. At the end of the day, both leave you feeling exhausted with nothing left over for your family, yourself, your marriage, or your personal life. And you can’t have sustainable work-life balance without a life outside of work. If you avoid rest, personal time, and family time, it makes perfect sense why overwhelm is the number one thing working moms mention when they talk about feeling out of balance.

Client Story: Elena the Avoider

My client Elena—name changed for privacy—was an avoider when it came to overwhelm. She was the procrastinator.

The moment her brain told her she couldn’t get something done at the level she wanted in the time available, a wave of overwhelm would hit. She describes it as a literal wave starting from her head and flushing down her entire body. Her heart would pound rapidly, her throat would tighten, her shoulders would tense, and she would feel paralyzed. In that state, looking at her to-do list and trying to get anything done effectively was impossible.

Instead, she’d check email, answer Slack messages, knock off simple tasks, or scroll social media—anything but the thing that really needed doing.

Client Story: Erin the Hyper-Doer

Another client, Erin, was the hyper-doer type. She didn’t get paralyzed—she whipped herself into action.

She’d frantically answer messages, check emails, and try to do as many things as possible. When her kids got home from school, she kept working while making them snacks or setting up an activity. They often got more screen time than she wanted. Dinner was thrown together. Conversations with her husband were minimal. Her brain couldn’t stop thinking about work.

Overwhelm is a Fight-or-Flight Response

It’s important to identify which type you are and notice how it feels in your body.

At the heart of overwhelm is a fight-or-flight response. Your brain releases adrenaline, making your heart race, your fingers tingle, your shoulders tense. Your body is trying to help you either fight (hyperactivity) or flee (avoidance/procrastination).

How to End the Overwhelm Cycle

When I work with clients, I teach two categories of tools:

  1. In-the-moment strategies — for when overwhelm hits and your body is in fight-or-flight.

  2. Long-term strategies — to reduce how often overwhelm happens in the first place.

One of my signature in-the-moment tools is the Pivot Protocol—a six-step, two-minute process to handle that wave of anxiety, frustration, guilt, or overwhelm. For Elena, it started with literally swiveling in her chair away from her computer and looking out the window for 30 seconds to a minute. Sometimes she stood up, sometimes she took a quick walk around the block. Instead of avoiding the feeling, she breathed through it, noticed her heart rate slow, and processed the emotion in real time. For Erin, the tool was journaling—writing out her thoughts, noticing what was creating the overwhelm, and letting the physical tension ease like a tide going out.

Long-Term Strategies: Structure and Mindset

The second set of tools are long-term strategies:

  • Time management and prioritization — creating a life with less on your to-do list, aligning commitments with goals and strengths, and learning to say no.

  • Mindset practices — shifting the internal narrative from I can’t get it all done to I’m capable, I’m valuable, I know how to manage my life.

Inside the Ambitious and Balanced program, I teach clients four essential priorities to protect no matter what, and a “yes criteria” to filter opportunities and requests.

The Daily Kickstart

One of my favorite mindset tools is the Daily Kickstart—a 10-minute morning practice to boost confidence and focus.

For the first time, I’m offering this practice for free outside of my paid programs. You’ll get a PDF with six simple questions and a guided video to walk you through it. You can grab it at ambitiousandbalanced.com/dailykickstart (link in the show notes).

Clients often tell me this is a game-changer in their first week. Thinking amazing thoughts about yourself changes how you manage time, how you feel, and what you do.

You Don’t Have to Live in Overwhelm

Overwhelm is the opposite of a balanced life and the precursor to burnout. Working moms face higher levels of burnout because they’re doing two jobs—and the cultural expectations on women make this fight harder.

The equation for overwhelm is simple: too many tasks + unrealistic expectations + not enough time.

The fastest way out of fight-or-flight is to care for your emotional state in the moment (like with the Pivot Protocol), and the best way to prevent it is to prioritize what matters most and cultivate a confident mindset. Working moms, you do not have to settle for overwhelm. The cards may be stacked against you, but you don’t have to wait for the world to change before you feel balanced. You can start now.

Download the Daily Kickstart. Get on the waitlist for the May cohort. You’ve got this.

Rebecca Olson