Are you a good mom?

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In this week’s episode of the podcast, we’re getting real about all the pressure working moms feel to go over the top for their kids - from leprechaun traps and Valentine’s treats to Pinterest-worthy birthday mornings, I’m calling out the comparison trap we fall into thanks to social media and well-meaning traditions, and walking you through how to redefine what success means for you as a mom. 

This episode will inspire you to ditch the guilt, stop "should-ing" on yourself, and instead create your own "Successful Mom Criteria" that actually aligns with your values. Trust me, this is one you'll want to listen to if you've ever felt like you're failing for not doing enough. 

Topics in this episode:

  • Why holiday traditions don’t define your worth as a mom 

  • How comparison sneaks in and steals your confidence 

  • The concept of "Successful Mom Criteria"—and how to create yours 

  • Real-life examples of what success as a mom can actually look like 

  • Questions to help you clarify your values and ditch the guilt for good

Show Notes & References:

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Transcript

Intro

Hey working moms. A quick disclaimer. If you are listening to this episode with your kiddos around, you might hit the pause button and come back later. Because in this episode I'm gonna talk about some of the magical moments that we create for our children. Because I know you put a lot of pressure on yourself to make the holidays throughout the whole year extra special for your kids. But this is not what makes you an amazing and successful mom. Whether it's leprechaun traps on St. Patrick's Day or handmade Valentine's to pass out in your kids class, or bringing homemade treats on your kid's birthday, these kid focused experiences don't define you as a mom.

Today on the podcast, I wanna talk about your successful mom criteria. Because women spend a lot of time comparing themselves and feeling like a failure when your life as a working mom doesn't match other people's out there on social media. And yet you always get to define what success as a working mom is. And I have a feeling it's not making and setting a leprechaun trap. This past St. Patrick's Day, are you ready to define what your successful mom criteria is? I'm walking you through it. Let's get to it. Welcome to the ambitious and balanced working Moms’ podcast or go to resource for integrating your career ambitions with life as a mom. I'm distilling down thousands of coaching conversations I've had with working moms just like you, along with my own personal experience as a mom of two and sharing the most effective tools and strategies to help you quickly feel calm, confident and, in control of your ambitious working mom life. You ready? Let's get to it.

Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms podcast, your go to resource for integrating your career ambitions with life as a mom, I'm distilling down thousands of coaching conversations I've had with working moms just like you, along with my own personal experience as a mom of two and sharing the most effective tools and strategies to help you quickly feel calm, confident, and in control of your ambitious working mom life. You ready? Let's get to it.

St. Patrick’s Day, Leprechaun Traps, and the Mom Guilt Spiral

Hello, hello, my working mom friends. Happy Monday. And specifically, as I write this, it’s actually St. Patrick’s Day. That’s important because it’s the inspiration behind today’s episode.

I don’t know if this is a thing where you live, but St. Patrick’s Day around here is a day where kids set leprechaun traps and parents are sort of expected to pretend to be the leprechaun that got away. I’ve even heard from some families that the leprechauns wreak havoc around the house—messing things up, leaving green pee in the toilet, little footprints, chocolate, or even Lucky Charms scattered around.

You may not have this tradition where you live, but there are plenty of similar ones: Elf on the Shelf, over-the-top birthday surprises, the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus. I also think holiday decorations fall into this category. Maybe it’s decking your house out for Christmas or going all-in on Halloween décor. My kids love Halloween decorations and are always asking for more. Or maybe for you, it’s hanging seasonal towels in the bathroom.

You’re Not a Bad Mom if You Skip the “Extra” Traditions

Here’s the truth: leprechaun traps, balloons on birthdays, elaborate holiday decor, none of these things make you a good mom.

If you don’t choose to prioritize these types of traditions, you are not a bad parent. You don’t have to feel guilty if you don’t make a leprechaun trap, buy your kid a balloon, participate in Elf on the Shelf, or bake homemade birthday treats for school.

Working moms often live under the idea that these kid-focused holiday traditions are what you should be doing as a mom. And you know how much I love that word should. If you’ve listened to this podcast for a while, you know I talk a lot about ending the “shoulding.”

When Traditions Become a Source of Guilt

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being the type of mom who loves decorating for holidays and creating special experiences. Maybe it’s how you grew up and you want to pass that on to your kids.

That’s me when it comes to Christmas. My family goes all out. The entire house is decorated, every single room. As a kid, I even had my own Christmas tree in my bedroom for a few years. My parents still decorate their whole home and lawn.

When my husband married into my family, he discovered a love for Christmas he’d never had. His family celebrated, of course, but it wasn’t the same level of immersion. Please hear me, there’s no right or wrong here. The problem is not wanting to make holidays special. The problem is when you label yourself as a good or bad parent based on it.

Comparison Culture: The Fast Track to Feeling “Less Than”

The mom who spends a weekend creating a leprechaun trap is not better than the mom who ignores the holiday. Your friend who goes all out for birthdays isn’t a better mom because she throws bigger parties or gives more gifts. Making holidays immersive for your kids is not the criteria for being a great mom. But the comparison happens so fast you might not even notice.

The other day, I saw an Instagram post from a mom who takes each child out for breakfast before school on their birthday. She has a big family, so the one-on-one time is extra special. Immediately, I felt a wave of shame and guilt—because I don’t do that. I thought: I must be doing it wrong as a mom. I must be failing. This is a simple example, but you can see how it happens with almost every social media post we scroll past.

The Real Danger: Internalizing Someone Else’s Success as Your Failure

Here’s where comparison turns toxic: when we take someone else’s success and use it as proof of our own failure. t doesn’t matter if you made the leprechaun trap, if you do Elf on the Shelf, if you host extravagant birthdays. Those things have no bearing on whether you’re a good mom.

Inside Day Two of my Ambitious and Balanced program, I teach moms to redefine success—not just in their career, but in their life as a mom. Because if you’re feeling constant guilt about not doing these “extra” things, it’s likely you’re living by an outdated or borrowed definition of success.

Whose Definition of Success Are You Living By?

Maybe your definition is inherited from your mom, from our culture, from a boss, a friend, or even your mother-in-law. If you’re comparing yourself and feeling guilty for not creating lavish traditions, it’s because your story of what makes a “good mom” doesn’t align with what you truly value.

Here’s the truth: you get to define success as a working mom however you want.

I call this your Successful Mom Criteria—a short list of values or standards that, when you honor them, you know you’re showing up exactly how you want to for your kids.

My Successful Mom Criteria: Connection and Emotional Processing

For me, the first and most important is connection. I want to feel in tune with my kids. That’s why I hyper-prioritize bedtime—it’s when my kids are most likely to open up and share. Just the other night, my daughter asked, “Mom, how do you tell someone you like them?” I wouldn’t trade that moment for any holiday decoration in the world.

The second is emotional processing. I want my kids to have emotional resilience—not to fear failure, not to base their self-worth on others’ opinions, to be able to name and share their feelings. My son is highly sensitive, and I tell him his emotions are his superpower. Because this matters so much to me, I make more space for emotions than most parents I know. I let my kids cry or be angry without rushing to fix it. We practice naming feelings and navigating big transitions together.

Creating Your Own Successful Mom Criteria

Here are three questions to help you define yours:

  1. What lessons or values do you most want to instill in your children? These will hint at what makes you feel successful as a mom.

  2. What criteria do you NOT want to use to define success? Knowing what to exclude will help clarify what to include.

  3. When your kids are grown, what do you want them to remember you for?

Keep your list to five or six items. Write it down. Post it somewhere visible. Let it remind you daily of how amazing you already are as a mom.

Your Opinion is the Only One That Matters

You are likely already doing many of the things on your list. It doesn’t matter what your friends, your neighbors, your mom, or your mother-in-law think. Only your definition matters.

When you live by your own definition, you free yourself from the comparison game—and you create a regret-free life.

Ready to Redefine Success for Yourself?

If you’re feeling lost, stuck, or like you’re failing in both career and motherhood, it’s time to stop settling. You can prioritize fun and connection with your family and keep your career thriving.

I offer free Breakthrough Calls for working moms who want to catapult themselves into a life of balance and success. On the call, we’ll talk about your unique challenges, what a joy-filled working mom life looks like for you, and the steps to get there. Book your call at rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/book.

You Get to Decide What Makes You a Great Mom

Leprechaun traps, Elf on the Shelf, extravagant birthdays these are fun extras, but they do not define you.

You decide what matters. You decide what success looks like.

All right, working moms—until next week, let’s get to it.

Rebecca Olson