Four years ago I felt stuck in a job that paid well but wasn't rewarding.
I felt like I didn't have a choice, I had to work because we needed the money. So, if I had to work, it might as well be there because it gave us benefits and I was valued by the company. But yet, I didn't want the job.
It was at this point I realized that having it all (a successful career and a thriving home life) is about one thing: choice.
Not just settling. Not just hoping. But choosing.
What is important to me? Choose that.
What do I care most about? Choose that.
What do I really want? Choose that.
One working mom I spoke with recently told me about the challenges of going out with girlfriends and leaving the kids at home with her husband. After debriefing about it, she realized the challenge wasn't leaving the kids home so much as wanting to be home to nurse her son. She's choosing to nurse, because that is what is most important to her. Others might choose to be out with girlfriends. There is no right or wrong, it is YOUR CHOICE based on what YOU value most. She doesn't have to settle for feeling guilty for it.
Another mom spoke about the assumption that everyday after the kids went to sleep she and her husband were to have "couple time" for the rest of the night. Which meant she never did things for herself because there was never enough time. After discussing it she decided she could CHOOSE to make that time what she wanted it to be. Sometimes she would spend it with her husband, sometimes she would spend it on herself. It was HER CHOICE.
So, it all comes down to choice. YOU being in control of your choices. Which means you have to know what it is you want so that you can actually make those choices.
When you are in control of your choices, you are:
I want you to know exactly what it is you want and to go after it, without anything holding you back. You can be a great mom AND have a life and career that is fulfilling.
After I found clarity 4 years ago, determined what it is I wanted and realized that it was within my power to choose it... I did. And I never looked back. Today, I feel free to do and be whoever I want. Despite the risks. Despite what others think. Despite my responsibilities.
And you can too.