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My client Allison shares the moment she realized she’d been living by expectations she never consciously chose, and how redefining balance on her own terms changed everything. In this conversation, we talk about the pressure ambitious working moms carry, the invisible mental load, the myth of the “magic button,” and the surprisingly simple shifts that finally helped her feel calmer, more present, and back in control of her life.
In this episode, we unpack:
Why “work-life balance” feels impossible when you never define what it actually means to you
The hidden expectations ambitious moms are unconsciously trying to live up to
How small planning tools created more calm, presence, and control
The mindset shift that helped Allison stop feeling like a slave to her schedule
Why investing in yourself isn’t selfish — it’s necessary for real change
Work with me:
Ambitious & Balanced:
www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/ambitiousandbalanced
Book a Work-Life Balance Strategy Call:
www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/ambitiousandbalanced-call
Book your Mental Load Reset Call here (with free Quiz!):
www.ambitiousandbalanced.com/strategy
Transcript
If you've ever said you want balance, but secretly, you have no idea what that actually means to you, you need to hear this conversation.
In this episode, I sit down with my friend Allison, who just finished the latest cohort of Ambitious and Balanced. And what she shares is powerful.
Her biggest aha? She realized that she'd been trying to live up to a set of expectations that she never consciously chose. Expectations about what a good mom looks like, what a successful professional looks like, and what balance was, you know, supposed to be. And she was exhausted trying to measure up to rules that she had never actually examined.
You'll hear how defining balance in her own words changed everything, why investing in herself wasn't selfish—it was necessary, why some simple planning tools became the most transformative part of the process, and what it was like to be coached by me, her friend.
If you've been chasing a version of balance that never quite feels attainable, then this episode is going to be for you.
Are you ready? Let's get to it.
Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms podcast, your go to resource for integrating your career ambitions with life as a mom, I'm distilling down thousands of coaching conversations I've had with working moms just like you, along with my own personal experience as a mom of two and sharing the most effective tools and strategies to help you quickly feel calm, confident, and in control of your ambitious working mom life. You ready? Let's get to it.
Rebecca: Well, hello there, working moms. I'm excited to be talking to you today. I have my friend and past client. She was in Ambitious and Balanced in the last cohort. This is Allison Costelow, and I'm so excited she's on the podcast to talk with us today. Thanks for being here, Allison.
Allison: Yeah, thanks for having me.
Rebecca: So Allison literally lives around the corner from me, so that is how close we are in both proximity and friendship. Our kids go to the same school, and so it's just so fun to actually have a friend on this podcast.
I mean, I have had colleagues, but this is different. So I'm just so delighted that you're here. You've got an insight into me that other people don't have an insight into, you know? So, yeah. She leans in. She's like, "Yes, I do." Look, I am an open book, so it's all good as we have a conversation here. But tell us a little bit about you. Give us your little spiel. Who are you? What do you do?
About Alison
Allison: Hi, I'm Allison Costello. I am a mom of two spicy little girls. One just turned six. The other one is about to be four next week, which still feels very unbelievable.
I run my own business. I am a real estate agent. I have been building this business for the last—well, I've been in the industry for a little over five years, but I've been a solo agent, really building my business, for the last year and a half.
And I specialize in working with seniors in our community and really networking with other people in our community who help seniors. And so that is a big part of who I am and what I do, and it runs through all me.
Rebecca: I know, which I have a feeling is going to come up here because the boundary lines are very blurry when we live in the entrepreneurial world, as I know and as I know you know.
So boundaries get hard. There's no joke about that.
I was remembering back to when you joined Ambitious and Balanced because you were in the September cohort of last year. And so I think you came—I invited you, like, on a whim to a workshop I was giving, like a virtual workshop, back to school, right? You know, like in August or something like that.
And I was like, "Allison, I don't know. Do you want to show up? Like, there's some space here. Do you want to come to this workshop thing?"
And you were like, "Yes."
I'm like, "Cool. It's like in 20 minutes or something. Can you come?"
I don't know. It might have even been shorter than that. I don't know.
But you showed up, and it was out of that conversation or that time that I was like, "Do you feel like you need more support in what's going on in life and balancing life?"
And you were like, "Yes, I do. Yes, I do, Rebecca."
Tell me about where you were at then and what was kind of going on in life for you that led you to ultimately say yes to this program and to going all in on this goal of work-life balance.
The Mental Swirl
Allison: Yeah so, Rebecca, when you called me, that was kind of a God moment. I was swirling in my head and all things, and I was just kind of at a point where I was, like, beating my head against the wall. Like, how am I going to keep doing this? What is happening? Trying to…
Rebecca: Like how am I going to keep doing what?
Allison: Just organizing my life, like all things where it's like you've got work, home, you know, wife, mom, all the things. And I was just at a point where I was feeling pretty down. And you called me, and I was like, "Ah, yes, please. I will come whatever time you tell me. I will clear my schedule. This is what I'm looking for at this moment."
And I remember jumping on the first call, and when you started diving into exactly, like really going over the blueprint, what it was, I was just like, dang. All things collided into what I was going through, and what you were talking about was like, "Wow. Wow. Okay, I'm here. I'm in it to win it."
Why Smart, Capable Women Still Struggle With Work-Life Balance
Rebecca: And you're not alone. Hopefully you felt that initially. It was like, feel seen.
You know, a lot of people tell me that they start to feel seen when we first start talking and working together. It's like, "Oh my gosh. I have felt like I've been under this cloud. Like, I'm the only one that has these problems, and I don't know how to figure this out, and I should be able to figure this out."
And, "I'm a smart person, and why can't I?" You know, "If I just worked harder, if I just did..." We have all these things, these narratives that we have, right?
And so we talk, and I'm like, "No, no, no. This is literally—there's a formula here, and we can get you out of this." And it's hard for...
Allison: So there's no magic button. Because I was looking for magic, and I was like, I'm just missing it.
Rebecca: I know.
Allison: I know everybody else has the magic button but me.
Rebecca: But me. But me. I feel that way sometimes when it comes to business. I'm not gonna lie. So I just keep searching for the magic button on that.
But ultimately, there obviously—we've learned that there really isn't a magic button.
But I am curious, though. What did you hope at that time—and maybe it's actually what happened, or maybe it's different. I don't really know—but what did you hope that magic button would bring you at that time?
Allison’s Aha’ Moment - You Can't Create Work-Life Balance Until You Define What It Means
Allison: Calmness. I think peace and calmness. Because I was everything but peace and calmness. I try to portray it, especially in my business and talking to people, but inside I'm like, I've got 100 things. I'm thinking five steps ahead. I'm like, you know, it's getting close to 3:00 p.m. I got to pick up my kids in two hours. What else do I have to do in that?
Like, all the things running through my head. I'm not present in the moment sometimes when you've just got so much going on. And I feel like a slave to my schedule sometimes.
And also, you know, it's like I'm always looking for productivity tips and tricks. Am I time-blocking enough here and time-blocking enough there? Am I sticking to things?
So I was always looking for that relief and just couldn't find it. Didn't know what I was looking for.
And I don't know if I'm jumping too far ahead here, but I would like to say it was a big aha moment for me when something so simple was like, "I want this work-life balance."
And you're like, "Well, what is that? Like, what does that mean to you?" And I was like, "Yeah, work-life balance. I want to work and I want to live my life." And you're like, "Cool. What does that mean to you? Like, let's break it down." And I was like, yeah. Getting really defined in what that is and what that feels like, because otherwise it's just this make-believe thing that you're always reaching for that feels like you're never getting there because you don't really know what you're aiming for.
And when you broke it down, I was like, "Man, thank you. I needed measurable, specific. Like, this is what work-life balance is to me."
If You Don't Define Balance, Your Brain Will Keep Moving the Finish Line
Rebecca: Yeah, balance is elusive until we put definition to it. You know, I've been talking a lot about enoughness as well. There was a recent podcast episode on it, but I've been talking about it in my cohorts and things like that. Like, enoughness is another very elusive thing, right? It's an elusive idea on some level.
Like, when do we arrive at balance? When do we arrive at things being enough? How do we know we've done enough for the day? How do we know what a good-enough mom is? How do we know?
We don't know unless we put definition to it. And so we sort of live by these unidentified expectations of some of these things. That is really not useful to us—to not stop and put words to it—because otherwise, we are always going to fall short.
We're just designed... our brain is designed to tell us it was never enough, and it was never good enough, and we should be doing more. And so unless we tell the brain where the finish line is, it's just going to always think it's on the horizon. Right?
What did you come up with as being some of your ideas around what work-life balance is? Because I don't dictate that for you, right? I walk you through a process of you defining that for you. So you come up with the language, right?
So I'm just curious.
What Work-Life Balance Actually Looked Like for Allison
Allison: It was eye-opening to me. Everybody had a different definition on our call. Everybody was calling out different things. But for me personally, when I was looking at it, it was that I wanted to pick my kids up between 4:00 and 4:30. I didn't want to wait until the 5:00, 5:30 hour. I wanted to pick them up a little earlier.
I wanted to get to the sports, the extracurriculars, without rushing. Like, go pick them up and hurry up and go there. Again, creating a little bit more calm because I'm there in time, and I'm picking up. And then, you know, having some planned moments on the weekends of quality family time.
And in the evenings, I feel like, especially in my career, a lot of people want to talk when they're home from work. So it gets difficult when it's like, okay, my day is quote-unquote done. It's 4:00 or 4:30, and I'm going to pick up my kids, and now people want to talk.
So defining exactly what that looks like, and kind of that timeline of the night where I can have that uninterrupted time with my family and then also have moments where it's like, okay, let me get caught up on work. Let me make sure I'm paying attention to my clients, that they're feeling loved and supported and getting feedback.
And I'm putting them in these windows that feel doable, where they're not constantly colliding, and I'm trying to do this and trying to do that all at the same time.
Why Work-Life Balance Requires Conscious Decisions
Rebecca: So what I'm hearing is that work-life balance for you is a lot about creating containers of time—to work, to not work, to be with family, to not be with family.
Now, sometimes there's a blend of both, of course, but it's all about really consciously deciding those things.
Because otherwise, it sort of feels like when your kids are around, you're supposed to be on and present with them all of the time. And then when it's work time, you're supposed to be on and present and doing productive work all of the time.
And those two things just don't... they aren't... It always feels like you're failing one or the other because you can't give all of yourself to both of them at the same time, right?
So there was a lot of conscious decision-making is what I'm hearing in all that.
Small Shifts, Not Perfect Schedules
Allison: Yeah. And to know that it doesn't have to be these big, long, drawn-out blocks either, you know?
So for me, when I get home with the kids, I'm making dinner. I'm catching up on emails while I'm cooking or paying attention to my phone. And then when it's dinner time, I'm putting my phone away. I'm sitting down and being present with my kids. We're talking about our days.
And then when we're all done with dinner, I'm looking at my phone. I'm getting caught up. If I need to make any phone calls, that's my time. And then I go back to doing stuff with the kids and homework and things like that.
So I'm giving myself this kind of back and forth, and it feels more intentional instead of this chaotic, constantly having my phone and trying to balance all the things. But it's the expectations that you put on yourself, right?
And so understanding that it can be these little chunks of time. It doesn't have to be this whole hour dedicated to this, this whole hour dedicated to that. It's just kind of moving with my own timeline.
Whenever I'm making dinner, that's when I'm catching up. Whenever I'm sitting down at the table, that's when my phone is put away.
The Four Priorities That Create a Balanced Life
Rebecca: Yeah. Yeah. We focus on four really key priorities in the program, right? There's other priorities we obviously have, but I've chosen the four so that we universally are working toward them together because they really are kind of the foundation of a balanced life.
Like, there really does have to be productive work time. There also has to be off-work time. There has to be some kid time, and there's got to be some me time, right?
And so we focus on that. Obviously, a lot of people have a health priority in there as well, and maybe a marriage priority, likely some of those things. But we focus on these four key ones.
Was there one that you found either the hardest, or you found that as you got more intentional about it, it really changed everything for you?
Letting Go of Who You Used to Be
Allison: The me time. So I had to give up the expectation that I am the same me as five years ago. And that was a changing point for me because I had always put myself into this box that I'm an early morning person. I like to get up before my family. I like to get my workout in, and then I get my day started with my family.
It just isn't working for me anymore. My three-year-old, almost four-year-old, is a terrible sleeper. I'm getting terrible sleep. I'm no longer that morning person. Frankly, I'm craving staying in my bed because I'm not getting the sleep I'm used to getting.
So I had to pivot and just tell myself that it's okay. Prioritize the sleep in the morning and carve out a section of time for my workout.
So now I'm going to the gym, and I have a dedicated class that I'm going to on Tuesday afternoons and Friday kind of mid-mornings. And before, I was like, "No, those are work hours. I cannot."
But I work on the weekends, and I work later. You know, I had to tell myself mentally, "No, it's okay. It's going to be okay."
So I have an hour here, and I have an hour there, and that's my me time. And I'm feeding my health and my energy. Then I am leaving the day even better because now I'm energized and feeling really good and fulfilled that I gave myself that time.
But honestly, it was something so little. Again, it seems so little looking back on it, that I was just stuck in this mindset of, "I got to get up early, and I'm failing. Getting up early, and I'm failing. And I'm failing, and I'm failing."
To finding, "Okay, how do I change and adapt to this new me... for now?"
Taking Back Control of Your Time and Schedule
Rebecca: For now. Yeah. I was actually just having another conversation with one of my one-on-one clients prior to this call, and we were talking about something very similar and how they have always gotten up early. They were a morning person before the kids came along. That was when they got meditation in and then a workout in, and they got all these things in.
And that has just not been the case. Ever since, that really hasn't worked. It's like, "Well, I guess I don't get to work out anymore." You know, it's just kind of this hands-up-in-the-air, it's out of my hands, I guess I can't do this.
And it's like hitting your head against the wall trying to make it work until we stop and say, "Well, what if it can work, but not in the way that you think it can work? What are our options then?”
And it's amazing how, when we push ourselves to believe there's a solution no matter what, and we just need to come up with the options and not give up so quickly, we actually come up with options.
We don't always love our options. That's where it gets hard. It's like, "This isn't my favorite thing, and I wouldn't love to do it at this time, but I could do it at this time."
All of a sudden, we have options. And then we take our ownership back, and we feel like our life isn't—or our schedule isn't—just running us. Like, we actually have choice in it. So much of it is just about taking our power back into our time and our schedule.
Allison: Right. And understanding that this isn't forever, you know, this is just right now, in this moment. This is what's gonna work. Give it a try, you know.
Stop Analyzing and Start Experimenting
Rebecca: I like to tell my clients it's an experiment. Like, I don't know if this is going to work or not. Let's just experiment with it. What happens if we just have a little experiment? Let's see this week what happens.
Like, let's just try it on, and we don't have to be married to it. It's fine. We're not going to know until we start to do, to actually do something, right? Until we actually make decisions.
I said that to another client this morning, and I said, "Look, we could spend lots of hours, if you want, analyzing this and talking about the mindset that you need to be in in order to get to the point where you can handle your schedule in this way.
Or I promise you, if you just rip the Band-Aid off and you put some containers of time around things, you know, you protect your off-work time, then we're really going to make some progress."
You can just see the wide eyes. It's easier sometimes to just sit in the problem and believe that, and just mull it over, and not do the hard thing of actually making a decision around how you want to handle things, right?
Which, for you, joining this program, I imagine this was a decision like, "I'm going to tackle this problem. I'm not going to sit in the feeling of being a slave to my schedule anymore."
Allison: Yeah. I mean, it had already been a year and a half of that, so.
Why Investing in Yourself Isn't Selfish
Rebecca: Absolutely.
Why did you feel at that time—and maybe even looking back—that this kind of goal of work-life balance and not being a slave to your schedule and taking back control, why did you feel like it was worth investing in?
Because I think that's a really important question.
A lot of women struggle with investing in themselves, right? Investing in this goal. Or there might be shame around investing in a goal like this. Like, "I should be able to figure this out. Why do I need help?" sort of thing.
I'm curious what some of your thoughts were on that.
I Didn't Need More Willpower—I Needed New Tools
Allison: Sure. You know, I spend money on lots of other things. I spend money sometimes, when I'm feeling overwhelmed, getting a house cleaner to come and clean my house because I cannot keep up. I spend money on having somebody come and do the lawn because we cannot keep up. Or I'll spend money on a babysitter because I need a moment with my husband to go out.
So this felt like that. Like, I'm going to spend some money because I need a moment to change some things.
And I'm not coming up with it myself. I've been sitting in it for a year and a half, and it's not working. And so I had to allow myself, like, this is an investment in me, just like it is in any of these other areas of my life.
Like, I need some help, so I need to bring somebody else in to help me through this, to give me some tools, right?
And so I'm making an investment in that. I need some more tools in my tool belt to figure this out. I'm a smart person. I know what's going on, and I know what can change. But I don't have the tools until I'm given the tools that I need.
I needed new tools because my life has been changing.
I'm a mom of two kids now. I'm running my own business now. These are all new to me and new things. So I need new tools, and that's an investment.
Rebecca: Yeah. Do you feel like these tools will sustain you through other seasons?
I mean, it's not really just about getting you out of a hole today, right? The goal here is that you learn these things and you can sustain it without me, you know, outside of this program. What are your thoughts on that?
These Aren't Just Work-Life Balance Tools—They're Life Tools
Allison: A hundred percent. As easy as it is to say, "What does it mean to have a balanced life?" and to sit back and think about, okay, what exactly are those measurable things that I can see and feel that make it balanced?
I use that in my business all day. I use SMART goals. And when I'm having a problem or I'm stuck on something, I go back to that moment of defining. And even when you give us a Pivot Tool, I use that with my children. I use that in my work. It's more of coping tools sometimes that you use in lots of different areas of your life, not just this one block. It's who you are as a person and how you want to show up.
What Actually Creates Work-Life Balance?
Rebecca: Yep. Yeah, absolutely. So then you had been searching for a magic button that you thought was somewhere along the lines of time management and productivity on some level.
What did you learn?
Allison: And all the productivity how-tos. How to my schedule...
Rebecca: Time management hack, productivity hack, all the hacks. Give me all the short, quick tools on some level.
I'm curious, now that you've gone through the program, and now it's been, you know, even a couple of months past it, what do you know about what work-life balance takes if it's not that?
Work-Life Balance Starts With Slowing Down Long Enough to Plan
Allison: It is allowing yourself the time to plan. It is allowing myself the time to stop one thing, pause, and start the next thing.
Instead of just rush, rush, rush, rush, rush, rush, rush. "Where's my schedule? Here I need to be. Where's my schedule? Here I need to be."
But taking a moment to really breathe before I stop my day, looking at setting myself up for success for the next day, and then saying goodbye to it and going to get my kids.
Spending time with my kids and then dealing with the things. You know, I have stuff in contract that needs answers, or buyers looking at things. I'll answer them.
But the big things in my business are tied up and taken care of. And I know what I'm doing tomorrow.
And I think setting myself up for success that way has really been clarifying and grounding.
Why Big-Picture Clarity Isn't Enough
Rebecca: Yeah. Yeah. So I have a feeling you're talking about two different types of clarity or planning. I mean, we've already talked a little bit about balance and defining that. There was a pretty good conversation around success and how you want to define success. That's all an integral part of this program as well.
But then there's also the planning and the clarity on a daily basis, right? It's not like those zoomed-out conversations—which are important to give your brain direction, to have a high-level kind of view and perspective—aren't valuable. They absolutely are.
But then there's the actual, "What am I literally going to do today?" And what am I going to prioritize today or tomorrow or this week or whatever.
What have you found to lean into that helps you in that sort of day-to-day experience?
The Power of Focusing on Your Top Three Priorities
Allison: I think just keeping it simple and each morning defining what those top three things are and knowing that if I hit those three things, great.
I have like 50 more that I really want to do. But if those three are done, it's like, "Yes, okay, I've hit the big chunks that need to be done."
And whatever else I get done is icing on the cake for the most part, right?
But I can feel accomplished in that instead of making my 50-line to-do list and only marking off 10 and then feeling defeated at the end of the day. Like, "Oh, there's never enough time. There's never..."
And I'm a box checker. I'm even the person who, if I do something that's not on my list, I will write it on my list just to show that I did it and then mark it off. Because it does. I mean, right? It feels good.
Rebecca: Yep, yep.
Allison: So just keeping it simple, kind of picking those three things in the morning and starting your day off that way, has just been more gratifying, I would say.
Why Your Brain Never Feels Like You've Done Enough
Rebecca: Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. There's a—you know, I teach the two bookends of the day: the Daily Kickstart in the morning and then the Work-to-Home Transition. I mean, maybe you're doing a flavor of that, or you've kind of adapted it. You know, I give you structure, and then it's like, run with this however you want to change it.
I know some people do it to a T, and other people take some of the pieces and concepts of it and shift it for them, right? Whatever works for you. There's no cookie-cutter way here.
But I want to at least start you out somewhere.
And that planning process and giving your brain a sense of accomplishment for the day is a huge part of what balance takes, you know, what it takes to really achieve that.
Because your brain is always going to tell you to do more. Always tell you to do more. And that you should have done more. And that more is better on some level.
And that elusive feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment—we just don't feel that if we don't give our brain some sort of definition of success, even just on a daily basis.
Sometimes the Most Important Decision Is What You're Not Going to Do
And for some of my clients who get really overwhelmed in their to-dos and their schedule, sometimes I tell them, you know, let's not talk about what you want to do. Let's talk about what you're not going to do.
If you are really honest with yourself, yes, I know I need to accomplish these things. And it would be really nice if I did these things. But let's really be honest, are you going to do those things?
If you keep them on the list, you feel like you failed because you were never going to get to them in the first place.
So let's just remove them from the list altogether and see what's left over, right?
And sometimes we have to kind of go about it the opposite way and figure out the things that are really not going to get done today that I have on this list. The kind of nice-to-dos, but they're just not the top priority.
Sometimes we can come at it from the bottom up and do it that way. But decisions have to be made. Like, we come back to intentionality, intentionality, intentionality.
Sometimes the Best Ideas Come From Other Women in the Room
Allison: And I think, too, that it was an eye-opener doing it as a group and hearing from other people who are in the same boat, who have other ideas or different things.
And then sometimes you relate, and it's something that's kind of back there, but they bring it up and you're like, "Oh, yeah. Yeah."
I mean, from our group, one of the things I did was put a social media blocker on my phone for most of my work hours.
Because I'll also get messages through there and things and get distracted. Or I'll go on there to post something, even for business. But I'm on there for business, and then all of a sudden I'm scrolling, and my attention is gone.
So I save it for very specific times. And so I still have that blocker, and it's fantastic. I don't mind it now. But I wouldn't have done that if somebody else didn't bring that up and then talk about it.
The Power of Being in a Room Full of Women Figuring It Out Together
Rebecca: I'm like, "Oh, yeah, that's a thing for me too." Yeah. The crowdsourcing element of doing it in a group, I think, is really highly valuable. You know, from tools like that to mindsets to ideas.
I mean, the idea of being with other ambitious, amazing, powerful women that are all just as capable and smart—and you know it, and you believe it for them. And so are you. And all of you are saying, "Hey, we are all figuring this out, and we're here and committed to figuring this out." There's something really powerful about being in a room like that.
Allison: Yeah, 100%.
Rebecca: We're pretty amazing.
Allison: I agree.
Rebecca: I agree.
Allison: I'm happy.
Rebecca: I'm going to ask a really kind of vulnerable question. Maybe to me. Maybe it's not to you. I don't really know.
What was it like, or tell me about your thought process on working with me as your friend?
The Best Coaches Don't Just Encourage You—They Push Back
Allison: Okay. For me, it was comfortable because you being my friend, I mean, I could say things, and you also know the story behind it. You know, it was comfortable, and I felt like you would tell me some things that maybe friends could say or should say, but don't always say. Instead, they just keep encouraging instead of pushing back a little bit.
And you push back a little bit. And I love that. I need that to grow, honestly. You need some pushback to grow.
And so, I mean, you as a friend? Amazing. You as a friend and my coach? Incredible.
I just felt comforted in that fact too because, like I said, I would say something, and you know the story behind it. And you know who I am as a person. So I can tell you something that might sound silly, but you understand me and who I am. So I'll just lay it all out there.
Real Growth Requires More Than Encouragement
Rebecca: I love it. I mean, my goal as a coach is not to keep you comfortable, you know? And I mean, whether we're... To be honest, I'm probably a friend like that too. Generally speaking, I push back a lot with my friends. It can be hard to turn off my coach brain sometimes.
But that's—I mean, I see it as a part of my gifts. It's one of the gifts God gave me, this piece of me that challenges and doesn't let people settle.
And I hate stories of women who feel so held back from the life and the ambitions that they want to have because they're stuck in the muck of being a parent and trying to manage life as a parent.
My calling is right there in that moment. You know, it's really what I've built my business on and where my passion is. And so I'm not here to sugarcoat anything or coddle anyone, right? I'm going to call it out. And so I love that you were willing to step right in there with all of that vulnerability. I don't know if everybody would.
So kudos to you for that.
Allison: I think that I already saw a piece of that, like, one of the first times you took me out for coffee. We went to Rags and got some coffee after dropping off, the kids.
Rebecca: That's our favorite place here where we live, and it's delicious.
The Question That Changed Everything: “Why?”
Allison: And so we walk there, and we're talking, and I'm going through my spiral of things, and you're listening. And I feel like most friends will listen and kind of encourage. "Oh, me too. That sucks." Like, yeah.
And I remember you're just like, "Well, why?"
And I was like, "Why? Why? Why what?" And you're pulling stuff out of me, and I was like, "Oh." Like, making me stop and think, "Well, why do I feel that way? What could I..." You know?
And this is just our conversation over coffee. And then days later, thinking about some of those moments of, "Yeah, well, why?"
Like, that pushback of, "I hear you. Sure. Maybe me too. But also, why? Why are you feeling that? Why? Why?"
And I was like, "Oh, okay." So I'd already seen that, and I appreciated that. So I already knew I was in good hands.
Measuring Work-Life Balance: Then vs. Now
Rebecca: I love it. So good. Well, thank you for sharing that. So if you were to give yourself a rating on a scale from 1 to 10—1 being you were in the worst out-of-balance space you could be in, and 10 being you were in the most amazing balance space—when we started, where would you give yourself? What would you give yourself?
Allison: Being super vulnerable, probably more like a two and a half or three.
I was spilling over into my marriage, to be honest. The friction, the frustration of balance and time—it was spilling over.
Rebecca: Yeah. Yeah. I don't think you're alone in that. I think it absolutely does. So now, I guess it would probably be almost seven months later since going through the program, and then time that's gone by and so forth.
Where would you put yourself now?
Allison: I would say a solid seven and a half.
Rebecca: Awesome. And why would you give yourself a seven and a Half, Why is it so high? Let's start there. Why is it so high?
Allison: Now, I have some clear definitions of things that before were just these floating clouds of, like, I'm saying these things, but I don't really know what they mean.
And now when I say them, I know what they mean. Like, I know what I'm working for.
To have this work-life balance—but what does that mean?
Like, I know. I have set goals of, I want some me time. I want to work out twice a week. I want to pick my kids up at 4:00 p.m. And so when I have one of those weeks, when I accomplish those things, I'm like, "Dang, look at me go."
Rebecca: Yeah.
Allison: There's the balance I've been asking for.
Rebecca: Yeah. Yeah, I love it. Okay, so where is your growth still?
Allison: I would say in the moments of overwhelm, using that pivot tool that you gave me, sometimes it takes me a little bit to get there, but it's a tool there, It just takes me a minute to access it.
Rebecca: I mean, it takes me a minute sometimes to access it.
Allison: Right.
Consistency Is What Turns Tools Into Habits
Rebecca: Like, when we're in overwhelm, our whole brain clouds over, and we forget that we even have tools, you know? So same for me. I'm with you on that. Yeah. So consistency, right?
Allison: Like, the more you do it, the more it starts to become forefront in the mind. Like, a muscle memory of, "Okay, I'm feeling overwhelmed. This is what I need to do."
Instead of sitting in it a little longer than you need to and then, "Oh, yeah."
Rebecca: Yep, yep. Absolutely. Absolutely. I love it. So, I mean, so far, to be at a solid seven and a half and feel like you're there—I mean, that's a place you could sustain, and you can grow from there, right? Like, we didn't just get you out of a hole. We started to climb a mountain toward the joy and the vision of the life that you really want.
Allison: Yeah, 100%.
If You Want Things to Change, You Have to Do Something Different
Rebecca: Love it. So, so good. So what would you say about balance, about this program? I mean, just what would you say? It doesn't really matter. However you want to answer the question.
What would you say to the working mom that is feeling, you know, that attitude in life right now and feeling that sense of stuckness and a lack of control over their schedule?
Allison: I would say that you have to invest in yourself. You have to. You have to invest in yourself to make any changes.
You can sit there and continue to spiral and do your same old things over and over. Or if you really want change, you have to invest in new tools. You have to invest in yourself to help figure it out.
You're not going to become a new person overnight without any intervention from other sources of things. It's not going to happen. It's not how the world works.
And so just thinking about that and giving yourself that ability to find new things, to try new things, to invest in yourself, to allow yourself the opportunity to grow and not sit in the same, "I'm trying to do this. I know how to do this. I'm trying to do this. I know how to do this." Okay, well, that's not working. So let's just...
Rebecca: It's the definition of insanity, right? Just thinking you're going to do it better tomorrow and it's all going to work out somehow without any intervention.
Allison: Yeah, absolutely. And so just, you know, give yourself that.
Sustainable Work-Life Balance Requires Tools, Not Just Good Intentions
Rebecca: Yeah. And I mean, I love—and I just want to highlight—how often you've talked about tools. Like, you've said that word a lot in this conversation.
Because this program is not... we're not sitting in the cloud, in the fluffy kind of conversation around balance. Because balance can be kind of a fluffy word on some level. That is not what this is about.
It is a very practical, we're going to break this down in a way that feels logical and linear. You're going to have tools. There's going to be something that's going to help you at each of these steps, and you're going to pick and choose which ones really work for you and which ones you want to get in the habit of using.
But this is a very tool-based program for change, right?
Allison: Yeah.
Rebecca: So good.
Allison: Some tools work, and some tools don't. And some tools you tweak to make them yours. But you'll never know until you're introduced to them and you try them and give yourself that time to experiment.
Rebecca: Yeah. I love it. So good. Allison, thanks for sharing your story and coming on here, friend. It's such a delight to have you here.
Sorry for your cough. I hope you feel better soon. I appreciate that you're here.
Allison: Little kids.
Rebecca: I mean, there is going to be a day—I promise, I promise—where you will not get their cold. I know it's going to come. I was just telling somebody, I want to say maybe around five or six. As soon as both kids passed that age, I felt like it wasn't a guarantee I was going to get their cold. Maybe first grade. Once both of them passed first grade, it got better. So you've got a little bit of time, but you're going to get there. I know you will. So awesome.
All right, working moms, if you are interested in connecting with me about this program, about learning the tools, and seeing if they can apply to your life, I would love to connect with you on a work-life balance strategy call.
You can find a link in the show notes to do that and schedule that time with me.
And until next week, let's get to it.
