What if balance actually lasted? In this episode, I talk with my client Kelly, who once believed a promotion would cost her everything at home. Now she’s doing both—leading at work and feeling present with her kids—and the shift wasn’t doing more or lowering her standards. It was learning how to think differently. We break down “forever balance” and why most women feel like they’re starting over every time life gets busy.
In this episode, we unpack:
What “forever balance” actually means (and why most women never experience it)
Why balance isn’t about doing less or lowering expectations
The power of clarity—what really matters vs. what you’ve been told should matter
How to stop living reactively and start making intentional decisions
The simple daily practices that make balance sustainable
Work with me:
Ambitious & Balanced: www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/ambitiousandbalanced
Book your Break Free From Stress Strategy Call (with free Quiz!): www.ambitiousandbalanced.com/break-free-from-stress
Transcript
What if work-life balance wasn't something you kept chasing, but something that you actually learned once and then carried with you no matter what season of life you're in?
In today's episode, I'm sitting down with my client Kelly, who went through Ambitious and Balanced, my group coaching program last year, and what she shares is powerful. We talk about what work-life balance actually is, what it's not, and what it really takes to create it in a way that lasts.
We came up with a phrase that I absolutely love called "forever balance" because once you understand the principles that I teach behind work-life balance, you no longer feel like you're starting over every time life changes. Whether you have a new job, or a busy season, or different demands at home, you're not scrambling, you're grounded.
So in this conversation, Kelly shares what she's learned about balance, the principles she now lives by that she learned within the program, and why sustainable balance isn't about doing less or lowering your standards. It's about thinking differently.
If you've ever felt like balance only works when life is calm, this episode is going to change the way you see it. You ready to talk about forever balance? Let's get to it!
Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms podcast, your go to resource for integrating your career ambitions with life as a mom, I'm distilling down thousands of coaching conversations I've had with working moms just like you, along with my own personal experience as a mom of two and sharing the most effective tools and strategies to help you quickly feel calm, confident, and in control of your ambitious working mom life. You ready? Let's get to it.
Rebecca: Ah, working moms, I have such a treat for you today. On the podcast today, I have a client who went through Ambitious and Balanced last year. This is Kelly Marr. I'm so excited that she's here. I'm going to have her introduce herself here in a moment, but I'm really excited to hear not just about her experience within this group and where she's at.
I mean, at this point, she and I spoke together about a year ago, so we get like a year glimpse into her life. But I also am really excited to just hear her insights into what she's learned about work-life balance and how she can apply some of the things that she's learned in this program into her life.
She's just going to give us so many amazing tidbits and her story. I'm just grateful she's here. Thanks for being here, Kelly.
Kelly: Thanks, Rebecca.
Rebecca: Tell us a little bit about yourself, everything we need to know.
Navigating Career Growth and Motherhood at the Same Time
Kelly: I'm Kelly. I am a mom of two girls, 10 and 6—very active and ambitious girls as well. I'm also an architect, and recently—well, during the process of Ambitious and Balanced—I was the first principal of our firm here in Ithaca, New York.
Rebecca: I love that. Did you know that was coming before we started working together?
Kelly: I knew it was coming, but that was partly the reason I think I jumped into Ambitious and Balanced too—was trying to figure out for myself what that could mean in my life.
Rebecca: Yeah, yeah. And if you could—I would imagine—like, can I really make this work, right?
Kelly: Yeah.
Rebecca: I think that's really true. I think that's the women that I speak with that are—I mean, because we're all mid-career here, right? That's a lot of who listens to this podcast, a lot of my clients. We're in that mid-level in our career, or midway through, where opportunities like this should be coming your way, right?
Like you've put in a lot of the groundwork into your career at this point, and if you want to be moving forward and getting promoted and reaching some of those next levels, it also happens to coincide with some of the hardest times of parenting.
Kelly: Yeah.
Rebecca: And we don't—I think people get really worried about going to the next level in their career because of the impact that they fear it would have on their personal life, right? Is that where you were as well?
The Fear of Career Growth Impacting Home Life
Kelly: I really was. I was really excited about the opportunity, but at the same time, a little terrified about what that meant on the home front. Like I had a daughter who, at the time, was struggling with a lot of things at school. But, you know, I was also really excited about the opportunity to jump into this role and take on that added responsibility, and trying to figure out, like, what does this mean?
Does it mean I'm having to abandon more time at home and bring someone else into our lives that's going to fill my role at home? Does it mean that I can't take the position because I value too much my time at home and I just—I don't want to do that? So a lot of those questions were spinning through my head at that point in time.
Rebecca: Yeah. Did you think that you would be able to do it?
Kelly: I don't know that I could. I don't think I was convinced. I think I knew I really wanted it, but I don't think I was convinced that I could really do it.
And really, at the time, I thought that myself and someone else would get it in parallel, like we would both kind of take on the role together, and that I would have a counterpart who I would be able to kind of give 50% of it to, which didn't end up happening.
So I think, yeah, I think having not gone through Ambitious and Balanced and really figured out how to make all of this work, having the other person drop out, I don't think I would have thought I could do it.
From Self-Doubt to Capability: What Changed Everything
Rebecca: Oh, interesting. So this is like somebody else on the work front that would have been a partner with you, essentially, as you took on ownership.
Kelly: Yeah.
Rebecca: So, okay, so then let's go back a year from today, because that's kind of what you're telling me. You kind of hint there was a sense of this coming, and you knew that you weren't going to be able—or you didn't think you were going to be able—or at least where you were, you were not equipped at the time to figure out how you were going to be able to balance life and take on added responsibility in your work. That's what you're saying, yeah?
Kelly: Yes. Yeah. And a lot of guilt about it.
Rebecca: Oh yeah. Tell us about that.
Letting Go of Guilt by Setting Boundaries That Actually Work
Kelly: What I learned through Ambitious and Balanced was how to set the parameters and the boundaries and really put all of that to paper to solidify for myself what I really wanted and how I wanted it—and let go of some of that guilt.
Because I was feeling like either I'm going to feel guilty because I'm going to be in the office more time and not at home enough, or I'm going to feel guilty because I'm leaving the office at a different time than some of the other partners, so I'm going to feel guilty about not being in the office the same hours.
Yeah, so I think going through the process helped me figure out that I can do this. I really can have the tools, set the boundaries, and not have the guilt walking out the door at 4 o'clock.
Or say, this night, twice a month, I'm not going to be home until 7 o'clock—and that everybody at home is going to be okay.
I think a lot of that was what I worked through with Ambitious and Balanced.
The Invisible Expectations Driving Working Mom Guilt
Rebecca: I think that's so true of a lot of women when we think about up-leveling our career. We really are flooded with so much guilt either direction and feeling like I can't win, really. I'm going to feel guilty no matter what, because I'm not somehow living up to some invisible expectation I'm setting on myself on some level.
Kelly: Yeah. And I think even being open to other people telling me this—and believing it. I think, for instance, my husband saying, well, I can pick up this thing and that thing if you need it—I don't know if a year and a half ago I would have believed it.
I've probably been like, I can't—you can't do that. That's my thing. I have to do that.
Rebecca: Interesting. Yeah.
Kelly: Or just believing it for myself, because I internally wasn't at a place where I could believe that fully.
Rebecca: Interesting. Yeah. So you started with telling us a bit about putting pen to paper in terms of what you wanted and why. Tell us a little bit about that process and what you gained from that.
Kelly: I think a lot of reflecting on what I really enjoyed in life and what I really in my heart felt was important to me versus what in my head is important to me sometimes.
Rebecca: Interesting. Yeah.
Putting It on Paper to Stay Grounded Instead of Reactive
Kelly: Yeah. Like not always listening to the messages in my head, but more the messages in my heart. But also I think pen to paper helped me have something more concrete versus kind of retooling daily.
I know at one point we talked about setting your part of your work to home, but also just in general—like, put it on paper, and then the next day you go back to that. You're not making the decision in the moment, because the decision in the moment is more reactive.
So I think a lot of that—putting pen to paper—was me not being reactive and changing that message for myself day to day or week to week.
Like, no. I did a lot of work on this, so I know this is true and this is what I really want—and I have to stick to it.
Why Clarity on Paper Calms the Noise in Your Head
Rebecca: Yeah. Yeah. I think that is—for me—that clarity process of putting pen to paper about the things that are important to me and my priorities and why they matter. I think I experienced the same type of kind of confirmation, I would say, is what you're saying—like a level of certainty on some level.
Because our brain does question things all the time. We are inundated with everything from social media and culture and familial expectations and all these things out there that are inputs to us that are telling us this is what should matter to you, and this is what being a good mom looks like, and this is what being a good partner and doing good in your job looks like.
And so without your own version of that written down somewhere on some level, your brain keeps wondering, and it keeps in the cycle of like, maybe that is really the most important thing to me. Maybe I should be spending more time with my kids doing that, or maybe I shouldn't be focused on this promotion right now, or whatever it is.
And so then when you put pen to paper, though, and you have these moments of decision-making in little ways in life—like what you're prioritizing in your day to day or what you're prioritizing in big things in life—right, then you have something to come back to that says, no, no, this is what's important to me. This is—I put words to this inner part of me that matters.
And it feels very aligned with that, so I don't need to question that. Yeah, right? It kind of calms down your brain, doesn't it?
Filtering the Noise: Letting Go of What Doesn’t Serve You
Kelly: Yes, it really does. And I also think, to your point of social media and things, having gone through the process with boundaries and affirmations and more positive internal thinking, I've also found myself doing a better job of filtering out some of that messaging too—like, I don't need to listen to this. This is not helpful.
Rebecca: This is not helpful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't fit into your matrix that you created for yourself. It's easier to dismiss it and say, I don't even—that doesn't even matter to me, right? Like, that matters to you, great. Yeah, yeah—and let it go. I think that's—I mean, there's a lot of power in that, right? There's a lot of power in that.
Kelly: Yeah.
Rebecca: So I love that. Did you even realize that you needed to put pen to paper on some of these things?
Kelly: On some of it, no. I think some of it I was kind of doing, but I think the pen to paper helped me process why better. And also some of the things I hadn't even considered.
Like one of the things—my hours at work—I think were easier for me to put to paper because that was something I was kind of more or less doing, especially during the time we met. We were kind of going into summer, with summer camps, which is always a whole thing.
So I was like, okay, I know what those hours have to be, because they are set for me.
Rebecca: Yeah
Redefining “Me Time” Based on What Actually Energizes You
Kelly: That's what it is. But I think some of the other priorities—about what me time looks like, what's energizing for me, what helps me reflect and make decisions, that kind of thing—I wasn't expecting, and I hadn't really thought about it.
It was a little bit social media-driven, in that I knew, like, okay, a lot of these things that I'm seeing on social media are not really me time to me, but I don't really know.
I think there was just some kind of misconception in my mind based on social constructs of what that meant. And then really digging into it made me reflect better on what I really need for me personally versus a social construct.
Rebecca: Yeah, yeah. What did you discover, out of curiosity - what's really life giving to you in your me time.
Doing What Actually Recharges You (And Why It Matters)
Kelly: I think outdoor time, movement—even like, I don't need to go to the gym every day, but I can take—I was at the time taking a walk every day at lunch, and I was just kind of doing it out of habit and because of some other people at work.
But I was like, no, I really need that. Like if I don't do that, I can feel the difference in me.
And then actually recently, which I had realized quite a while ago but kind of forgotten about, I was having a conversation with another mom about skiing. And we were talking about how for us, like getting out on the slopes and skiing feels so liberating and freeing.
They were like, okay, we are setting a date, and someday this winter—which I think we're going next week—we are just going as the moms with nobody else, and we can free ski and like get our freedom and liberation.
Rebecca: Yeah, yeah.
Kelly: So yeah, just some little things like that are just—you know, it doesn't have to be going to get my nails done, because that doesn't really do anything for me.
Rebecca: Yeah, yeah. Figuring it out for you and committing to that—you know, that's so much of what this program is about. It's like a container of space for you to sort of figure out what matters to you, why, what your goals are for you, you know, what you value.
Scheduling In Me-Time
And then learning how to get that into your calendar—like literally make—it’s not even making space, it’s deciding. It’s like priority-first calendaring, right? It goes in your calendar first, and then you learn how to protect it.
Kelly: Yep, yes.
Rebecca: What did you learn about that process of like, so we've discovered now I actually have to commit?
From Overwhelm to Ownership: Using Your Calendar to Create Space
Kelly: Yes, I was not a calendar person. And I won't lie—I'm still working on holding true to it with all the things in the calendar. But I have become so much better at putting things in my calendar so that I know it's there. There is a slot for it.
I'm not holding on to it in my brain trying to remember that I have to do it, or putting it on a checklist that is just floating on my desk and doesn't really have a slot in time.
So yeah, I think that's been really helpful. Like I said, that piece is still a work in progress for me because I was just not that person before. It wasn't a habit that I was holding before.
So I think it's still a work in progress, but it's definitely been very helpful for me.
Why Commitment (Not Perfection) Is What Actually Moves You Forward
Rebecca: Yeah, and this is not a rigid process by any means, right? You're a human being. I'm giving you the principles behind this on many levels, teaching you why that principle matters and why we have to have some elements of that.
And then yeah, we'll figure—I mean, I'll give you a suggested way—but we’ve got to figure it out for you, right? What works for you. And in this case, the reason it goes in your calendar is because then it becomes a commitment, right? You actually can see if there is time for it. Because sometimes there is, sometimes we put all of our priorities into our calendar and we're like, literally there's no time to sleep. I can't do this all.
And we need that level of clarity to see that literally we can't get this all done, and then having to strip things out of it. And sometimes, you know, putting it in the calendar just means something to your brain. Like I'm telling myself that this matters so much that I'm willing to take a chunk of my free space in my calendar to make it happen.
That is different than it going on a long to-do list where you sort of hope that you're going to get to it. There's no real commitment involved in that.
And so the principle here is commitment. Whether you're somebody that gets it in your calendar or we figure out another way that you feel committed, that commitment is really the important part.
Making the Tools Work for Your Life (Not the Other Way Around)
Kelly: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think in terms of the flexibility for me, that work to home—as like, that's a place where it's been flexible—because instead of, I've kind of moved past writing the next phase priorities on paper to putting those things in the calendar instead.
So then I'm like, okay, I know they're priorities, so they're going to be in the day tomorrow. And like, those are the priorities, so I know I have the time, yeah. And therefore, I can commit to it as a priority for tomorrow.
Rebecca: Yeah, yeah. So you're talking about kind of flexing on some of the core tools that are in the program.
Kelly: Yeah.
Rebecca: Yeah, absolutely. Again, it's like I'm going to give you a starting point. We're going to figure out what works for your life. I think that's one of the reasons that this program is somewhat unique in that sense, is that I'm not— I start with the process, I teach you why that process matters, but then—this is not cookie-cutter. Your life is your life, and your circumstances are going to be different than everybody else's circumstances.
And so we've got to figure out what works for you and what is going to be sustainable for you, right? That's a word that I use a lot as I describe Ambitious and Balanced. This is about sustainable work-life balance.
I don't want you to just learn how to do this right now. I want you to know why these things matter and how to do it no matter what season of life you're in.
Kelly: Yeah, yeah.
Building Sustainable Work-Life Balance for the Long Term
Rebecca: Do you feel like coming out of Ambitious and Balanced that was true for you? That you feel like you—two years from now, five years from now—the principles are kind of embedded for you in your mind, and that you could shift and ebb and flow and figure out how to make work-life balance happen for you?
From Overwhelm to Having the Tools to Adjust and Move Forward
Kelly: I do. Like I've even seen some shifts in our schedules recently where I'm like, okay, this just needs to slide a little bit here, a little bit there. But also the tools—when I do feel like I'm in a point where maybe I'm getting stuck or something's thrown off from normal—I'm like, okay, I know the tool I need to use to get this done or to work through this.
Whereas before, I would have just been spinning and fretting on it and probably not sleeping.
So yeah, I definitely feel like the tools are clear, but like you're saying, they're sustainable in a way that there's flexibility within the tools to make it work during different times and different seasons.
Rebecca: Yeah. So you ended the program in summer, is that right?
Kelly: Um yes, I'm trying to remember—August…
From Following Along to Taking Action: “This Is What I Need Right Now”
Rebecca: Maybe August or July or something like that, and then we kept meeting monthly—the group kept meeting monthly right after that. And so our kind of last monthly meeting we had was in December. And so you and I must have talked about this time last year, right? It was around…
Kelly: Yeah, I think it was about this time I reached out to you last year when I was—you know, I had come across some of your—I think we talked about this when I started the program, because I pulled out a notebook and I was like, oh my goodness, I just found my notes from when I watched my first webinar of Rebecca's in like 2018 or something like that.
Rebecca: Oh my god, that is amazing.
Kelly: Yeah, I was kind of like hit or miss on podcasts between then and last year, and I kept getting the emails. So seeing it pop up there—and yeah, I was just—I was at the phase of life last year where I felt like I really needed something.
I'd also done therapy for, I think, about two years, and I was at a point where I was like, okay, this is a little different. Like I don't need really therapy. I more need something related to being professional but also being a mom—and not taking some of what I've learned about myself in therapy, but then building on that.
Why Group Coaching Changed Everything
So yeah, I think I reached out about this time last year knowing that the next Ambitious and Balanced was coming up and looking for something. I think also in that look—in more of a group setting—that I was excited to have some others to bounce ideas off of, hear other people's experiences, not kind of working in my solo silo questioning it like, is this just me, or how are other people doing this, or any of those kind of questions?
Rebecca: yeah yeah do you have do you have a lot of other moms around you that are in a similar not maybe not doing the same thing but have full-time jobs super committed to that also mom’ing at the same time I know there's a lot of women that join my programs that are like this is just not the world around me like I'm not surrounded by these kinds of women
Choosing Your Path When Others Are Stepping Back
Kelly: Yeah, I mean I have a handful—I'm in a college town, so there are a lot of working, college-related professional women—but I think the other piece of it for me, like when I started therapy, I was considering quitting my job altogether and being a stay-at-home mom, and then I realized that was not for me.
And then I think by the time I came around to this last year, I actually felt like I was kind of losing some of those people. Both because of where our kids are in their lives and—I don't know—maybe the price of daycare and other things. I knew more moms that were actually stepping back at a point where I was wanting to move forward. That was hard for me—to be like, am I really doing the right thing? Like I have these other moms around me who are actually stepping back and working less versus…
Rebecca: That's how they're managing it, right?Yeah, and that's clearly not what—at least your hunch was—that's not what you want to do, right?
Kelly: Yeah, so I think that helped me too. It was reaching out to you and getting in the group and realizing like, I can do this. It's not like I have to give up on this thing that I'm excited about, because I can figure out what the balance is going to be.
Rebecca: Yeah, yeah. So here you are, following me for seven years. I love that. I totally forgot that, but now that I remember that conversation, that's wild. That's so good. I love it.
And so you, seven years later, what do you think really made you decide, or drew you to this particular program, and saying, yeah, I think this is the thing that is going to help me move forward—to your point—and move forward and manage all the things?
What resonated with you?
Why a Sustainable Process (Not a Quick Fix) Made the Difference
Kelly: I think it was that I was encouraged that, like, before going into it—and now knowing coming out of it—that it was definitely true that you were going to be able to provide ideas and tools and help me work through a process that I would be able to use sustainably through the future.
It wasn't like this gimmicky kind of sell on, you know, here's the perfect solution, here's one thing, and it was one out of 200 people and everyone else will never use it again after three weeks.
Yeah, so I think both having listened to the podcast and having an idea of what you were going to use for getting us through the process was what really sold me on it.
The Work of Building New Habits
Rebecca: Yeah, this is—there's no gimmick here. There's hard work involved. I don't want to discount that, right? Like on some level, I do try to teach it in a very simple manner so your brain doesn't get confused by it, but I'm not saying that it's easy.
Like, we are building new habits here. That's what we have to do. If you've been in a habit of over-prioritizing work or feeling in a habit of feeling guilty for working or taking time away from your kids or whatever it is, we have to build new habits.
We all know habits take time to build, right? This isn't something magical. It's—you know, on average, it's something like 89 days or something like that to build a habit, right?
So that's part of the point of the three months. It's around that habit-building time of thinking something new, trying new tools, practicing them in your daily life, and really implementing the process over and over and over again.
And then having some accountability and evaluative tools to make sure it's working.
Why Time, Consistency, and Community Make the Change Stick
Kelly: Yeah, yeah. I was going to say the same thing. I think had it not been the three months, and did we not have the group to help hold ourselves accountable and each other accountable—and also share different ways that things are working and not working for each of us—I think having gone through the whole three months and meeting weekly really helps solidify a lot of that.
And I'm excited to keep doing the Unapologetic, because I think that is going to help keep reinforcing it through the future, where it really becomes habits that it's not a second thought about. It just is what you do.
Sustaining the Work: What Comes After the Program
Rebecca: Yeah, so good. For—because I haven't really talked about that here on the podcast much to the listeners, which is fine—but Unapologetic is the kind of graduate group, if you will, that I offer to my clients that have coached with me.
And so it's a way to keep the coaching going, to meet together monthly for workshops and for coaching and for goal setting and all the things. Like, it has all the support that you need sort of as a graduate of the program.
And so yeah, that is—that's an opportunity for everyone, so you're not just cut off after three months, right? Like you have a way to sustain some more of the process, to keep yourself accountable and all the things.
So I'm so glad that you're a part of that and choosing to engage in that.
I'm really curious, in your own words, if you were talking to somebody that was where you were at, you know, a year ago, how would you now describe what it takes to create a life that feels balanced to you in a sustainable way?
Clarity, Daily Practices, and Retraining Your Brain
Kelly: I think clarity is a big piece of it—like working through being very clear about what you really want and what's most important to you and what you really value helps set you up for success. Because if you're kind of wavering around it, it definitely makes it harder to find that balance.
And then using the tools like the Daily Kickstart and the work to home to reinforce those things on a daily basis—the daily habit—just is a really good reminder and retraining.
It's been a lot of retraining my brain and retraining my messages to myself through the process to be okay making certain decisions in order to keep that balance.
Like for last night, for instance, we finished dinner and I literally just got up and went in the other room with my kids, where a year ago I would have been cleaning up the table, making sure all the dishes were done, making sure like 18 other things on my mental list that was not on paper when we were getting done.
Instead of being like, okay, this is my half an hour with the kids—that we have dedicated time without all of the to-dos—that I can just walk away and not feel burdened by the fact that the dishes are sitting in the sink and I can get to it later. So yeah, that was a lot of it for me.
Letting Go of the Weight (Without Lowering Your Standards)
Rebecca: So good. Do you feel like—some people hear that—I think would hear that. I've had some conversations around this, and this is like the prime example of it—leaving the dirty dishes out and then going to go spend time with your kids, right?
The kids and some uninterrupted time with them, some focused time with them, is the priority, right? But you also want the dishes to get done, right?
So do you feel like you lowered your expectations? Is that how you would describe it?
Kelly: A little bit, or I put less weight on those things, I guess. Hmm, yeah. And also—I think I'm trying to think of the best way to put words to it.
Rebecca: Because I don't think it feels good to say that we've lowered the expectations.
Kelly: No, I think I—because I'm still getting the things done, I think it—right—just, I think I've let go of the weight of it in my brain.
Like I know that it's there. I know that it has to get done. I know that it doesn't have to be done perfectly. It doesn't need to be done right now. It doesn't need to be done in a specific—I mean, not the dishes necessarily—but other things, like I don't have to do it in a very specific way that I was necessarily doing it before that maybe was overdone. And I can just let it go and come back to it later, whereas before it would have been sitting in my mind—yeah—like really let it go.
Like the dishes—they're sitting there, the dishes are sitting there—and now I'm like, I can put that aside and focus, and then come back to it later. I think that's the biggest thing.
Rebecca: So much more like control, right? Over what you choose to do and what you choose not to do, and not feeling like it's controlling you—your to-dos and your list and your expectations are kind of controlling you.
Kelly: Yeah, yeah. Like I've decided that I have certain times that are priorities with my kids, and if something happens and I get a five-minute break, then yeah, I can run and throw a couple dishes in the dishwasher, run and throw a little laundry in the washer.
But I've held this amount of time, and I know that that's what it's for. And there will be time later to do the other things.
Clarity Comes From Stepping Back and Defining What Actually Matters
Rebecca: Yeah, so good. I love that. So in your words, you said in terms of the process of balance, or what you know about that, is it requires a lot of clarity.
Deciding that means deciding ahead of time that you are not going to get clarity unless you literally step back in some form or another—whether you're joining a program like Ambitious and Balanced, or you're reading a book and doing the exercises in the book, or you're just sitting down with a journal and reflecting day after day after day.
You literally have to step back from your life, and you have to gain some clarity over what. In your mind, what do you think you have to gain clarity over?
Kelly: Over what your true values and priorities are, and the specifics of them. Like I knew my kids were important to me, but it specifically what was important, and what times were important, and what activities—maybe not even activities per se—but like what that time looked like for me. That was the clarity for me, and the specificity that got me past the spinning and worrying about it that I was having before.
Rebecca: Yeah, got it. Okay, so you have to give yourself a container of space to reflect. Obviously, you chose to do that within this guided program, Ambitious and Balanced. You also need to retrain your brain. What do you need to retrain your brain to do?
Kelly: Be positive, set boundaries, yeah. Don't let those things creep in that you know are either not helpful or are distracting. Yeah, I think that's a lot of it—keeping those things that are not helpful out, getting them out, and trying to get more of the helpful things in.
Building Your Inner Cheerleader and Daily Habits That Stick
Rebecca: Yeah, I call that your inner cheerleader, right? That's what we're building inside of you. We're building a voice that's supporting you and your decisions, not poking holes in why your decisions might be wrong or what you should be doing or telling you all of your faults all of the time.
We're not going to get rid of that altogether, but we want to have more of an inner cheerleader than we have an inner critic, right? And so that's the kind of retraining of your brain.
And then lastly, you need to have some daily habits that support those things, right? The program has two really key daily practices. The Daily Kickstart happens in the morning. The work-to-home transition happens between work and home—so your afternoon. There's others there as well that you can lean into, but something that isn't just like, I thought about this once and now that's it. This is learning that this is kind of a new way of life, right? Like in order to maintain your priorities, you have to have space that you give it every day to kind of think about it. It doesn't have to be much, but it does have to remain top of mind in some form or fashion in order for you to stick to it. Between the Daily Kickstart and the work-to-home transition, I'm curious—which one was the most helpful to you?
Kelly: I would say—I think early on, the Daily Kickstart.
Rebecca: Because that's a lot about retraining your brain, right? So that's where that one focuses.
Using the Work-to-Home Transition to Be Fully Present at Home
Kelly: Yes. Currently, the work-to-home is what I've been heavily leaning into, especially if I'm extending my workday. I really need to get that out of my head before I go home, because then I can really focus when I get home and not have those things creeping in and distracting me from my home time. Because I can get them out, get them on paper, walk away, refocus on the home situation, and not let the work things take over at home.
Rebecca: So good. So, so good.
Kelly: It is—it feels really good.
Rebecca: I mean, you are just in such a different place than you were a year ago. And I really am—there's this kind of weight that's off of you, right? I feel like the fog is lifted. I literally feel like there was this kind of cloud in you a little bit that was—I don't mean that in a super depressive or negative way—but it was just you couldn't quite see the light and the path forward, right? And you really—you knew that you wanted it and that this was a way, a mechanism of getting there.
Kelly: Yes, yeah.
Rebecca: The investment is $2,000. How did you feel about that when you decided to join, and what's your thoughts about it now?
Why the Investment Felt Worth It (And Kept Paying Off)
Kelly: I knew that I needed something that had a value that was going to carry me forward. Like I said, I didn't want something that I was going to do for a week and then it would never resurface again, like it would just be a total waste of my time and energy and the money.
Yeah, and I think it was—it's been totally worth it. Like I would definitely do it again and recommend it to other people.
Yeah, especially at a point where, you know, I'm a professional and I—I'm not—I will say there's a point in my life where I was severely struggling for money, and at that point it would have been—
Rebecca: A bit harder.
Kelly: A little bit harder. But I still think it was worth it, and I would have reached out and tried to find a way to make something happen, because it's definitely worth the investment in the long run.
Like I—I've saved myself—I probably would have spent way more than that in therapy had I not done anything and gotten to this point and felt completely overburdened and lost. And also, it's just given me the freedom of my mind to be able to keep moving forward.
Yeah, it's just definitely worth the time and energy and investment.
“It’s an Investment in Forever Balance”
Rebecca: It's the forever balance. I love it. It's an investment in forever balance. So good. What would you tell anyone that's listening that has heard about this program and is teetering—whether they're not sure if it's going to work for them or they're worried about the money investment? Like what's your words to them?
Take the First Step: Reach Out and Commit to Yourself
Kelly: I would say reach out to Rebecca, because I'm sure she will help you find a way. And you know, it is work. It takes time. You really have to put the time in your calendar to show up every week. And I'm so glad I did, because I could have also missed half the sessions of Ambitious and Balanced, and I don't think it would have been the same for me that it was in the end.
It's that first step in putting things in your calendar and having it be a commitment—that side of balance is a commitment.
It’s Not About Changing You—It’s About Bringing Out the Best of You
Yep. But I think give yourself the confidence—believing in yourself enough to take that step—and therefore give yourself that forever balance, because it's a game changer.
But at the same time, it's building on who you are. It's not trying to change you. It's not trying to mold you into something different. It's reaching into yourself, really pulling out the best of you—your own priorities.
Rebecca: Yeah, yep, absolutely. I love that. And I hear it from a lot of women, like, I don't have the time, you know? I don't have the time for this and all the things. I get it. I understand. I mean, that's why you're here, right? You're probably overworked and overscheduled and overcommitted, and this is one more commitment.
And yes, that is true. And what we're saying is that the practice of forever balance is learning how to decide what your priorities are, commit to them, get them in your calendar, and then follow through.
And so this is going to be your first act of doing that, right? You're not going to do it perfectly, but that's why I'm here—to help keep you accountable, to help evaluate, to figure out what's working, what's not, and help you get over the hurdle of not prioritizing yourself, your goals, your needs, and all of the things. So this is the first step. You get to decide that this program is going to be the mechanism of you learning how to do it.
Kelly: Yeah.
Rebecca: So not just what you're going to learn in the program, but just the act of committing to the program is going to do it too.
Kelly: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazing.
Kelly: And it becomes a new habit. You know, once you're in it and you build on it—yeah—it just gets easier.
Rebecca: So good. Oh, Kelly, thank you for being here and for sharing your thoughts and being honest about the process and everything that we learned. Like again, you're just in such an amazing place, and I'm so excited for you, and thank you for your promotion and all of the things.
And obviously, we're going to be together a long time—I can't—I hope so. I'll just call you because it's so fun, so fun.
Kelly: I just had—with me—my son was probably like a year and a half at that point. I mean, whoo—life is, yeah, a lot of life. There's a lot of life. There's been a lot of life.
Rebecca: Amazing. Thank you again. And all right, working moms, until next week—let's get to it.
Break Free from Stress and Take Back Control of Your Time
Hey, before you go, quick question. Are you ending most days feeling behind? No matter how much you get done?
If this is happening right now, it's not a time management problem. It's a pattern. And stress patterns don't fix themselves. They compound.
Most working moms don't actually need more time. They need to feel back in control inside.
My Break Free from Stress strategy call—we spend 30 focused minutes identifying exactly what is driving your overwhelm and mapping out a clear shift so you stop reacting and start leading your life again.
If you're tired of white-knuckling your week, don't put this off. Go to the show notes and click on the Break Free from Stress strategy call link to schedule your call right now.
All right, working moms, till next week, let's get to it.
