You’re not procrastinating… you’re protecting something.
In this episode, I walk you through the difference between procrastination and resistance, and how what feels like avoidance is actually your brain protecting your identity. Once you understand that, everything shifts. I’ll show you how to move through that resistance without waiting for confidence and how to finally take action on the things that matter most.
In this episode, we unpack:
The real difference between procrastination and resistance
Why resistance shows up when your identity feels at risk
The truth about confidence (and why you don’t need it to act)
Alternative “fuel sources” to move forward—like purpose, anger, love, and community
The power of a simple 5% move to break through the resistance wall
Work with me:
Ambitious & Balanced: www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/ambitiousandbalanced
Book your Break Free From Stress Strategy Call (with free Quiz!): www.ambitiousandbalanced.com/break-free-from-stress
Transcript
So my client Jessica has been meaning to make this call for six weeks. It's only like a 20-minute conversation with a former colleague that she's already been in relationship with—someone who is well connected at the company that she has really been wanting to work with and might actually help her make the next step in her career. Someone who even the last time they got together and spoke said, “Hey, reach out anytime, I'd love to help.”
So it's been on her list to call her, and then it's been on her list even more. And every Sunday, when she sits down to make a list of all the things she's going to work on that week, it makes it on the list. And then it makes it on the list the next week, and then the next week, and then the next week.
My client Jessica, she's not lazy. You know she's not lazy, right? This woman runs a household. She shows up fully at work. She remembers every deadline. She follows up with every person on her team. She's someone that gets things done—probably somebody like you. And yet this call still sits there.
So she does probably what all of us do. She names it, right? She calls it procrastination. She tells herself, you know, she's going to find the right moment, she's got to get in the right headspace, and kicks herself for delaying as much as she has.
But here's what I want to tell you today. My client Jessica is not procrastinating. And it's possible that you aren't either.
What's actually happening is something that her brain is doing on purpose. Something that makes complete sense once you understand it. Something that really has nothing to do with the discipline or motivation of how badly she wants the promotion.
It has everything to do instead with who she believes herself to be.
And once she understands that, and once you understand that, I promise everything is going to shift.
Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms podcast, your go to resource for integrating your career ambitions with life as a mom, I'm distilling down thousands of coaching conversations I've had with working moms just like you, along with my own personal experience as a mom of two and sharing the most effective tools and strategies to help you quickly feel calm, confident, and in control of your ambitious working mom life. You ready? Let's get to it.
Hey, working moms. Welcome back. If you are new here, I'm so glad you have found your way to this space for ambitious women who are not willing to settle—women that want the career and the presence in their life and who refuse to ultimately believe that these things are at war with one another.
Procrastination vs. Resistance: Why We Need to Rethink It
And today we're going to talk about a subject that I just gave a workshop on to my Unapologetic group. Unapologetic is a membership group that is only for my clients that have graduated from either the Ambitious and Balanced cohort program or my one-on-one coaching, and it's a place where they can get ongoing support.
And I created this workshop just for them. It was requested, actually. And it's a conversation around resistance, not just procrastination.
To kick off this workshop, and ultimately to kick off the topic here on the podcast, I want to talk about procrastination for a moment, because I think we've been using that word to describe actually two very different experiences.
Procrastination vs. Resistance: These Are Not the Same Thing
Okay, so procrastination is when you know exactly what to do and you're avoiding the discomfort of doing it, right? You have an email to write or a report to finish or a call to make. You know it. You're just not doing it. That's procrastination. It's real. It's super common. And the fix is usually very practical, right? It's structure or maybe a deadline or accountability.
But resistance, that's actually something entirely different. So resistance is when you don't just feel like you're avoiding the task—you feel like you're avoiding something much bigger than the task, whether you know it or not. It feels foggy, heavy, like there's sort of a wall between you and the thing that you want, and you just can't quite name what that wall is made of.
But here's what I want you to notice. The women I work with who are experiencing resistance, they're not lazy. They're not unmotivated. They're some of the most driven, capable, hardworking women I know. And still, the thing that they're resisting sits there.
Resistance Is About Identity, Not the Task
Okay, so what's actually going on? Here's what I believe. Resistance shows up when something precious feels at stake. Okay, let me say that again. Resistance shows up when something precious is at stake. And that something is who you are.
It's the identity you've built. It's the version of you that feels solid and known and earned. It's the person your team relies on, the mom your kids see. It's the woman who has worked really hard to have her act all together.
But when you start thinking about making a move in your career—like a real one—your brain immediately starts asking questions. Not about logistics, but about you.
What if I reach out to this contact and she doesn't remember me? What does that say about where I'm at in my career?
What if I set this boundary and people start thinking I'm not a team player anymore? I don't want that.
What if I change how I work and then I'm not as productive and that actually just becomes who I am?
What if I make a career move and it doesn't pan out? What does that mean about the choices that I've already made?
Notice something about all of those thoughts, right? These are not about the task. They're about your identity.
It's fear in the shift of your identity that's taking place. What would it mean about you if you tried and it didn't go the way that you hoped? Right? That is the crux of resistance.
It's not a character flaw. It's not you being weak or wishy-washy or not wanting it bad enough. It is your brain doing exactly what it needs to do, which is protect you—protecting the version of you who feels safe and known.
Growth Feels Like a Threat—But It’s Actually a Signal You’re Ready
Because growth—growth feels like a threat to who you currently are. And your brain genuinely cannot tell the difference between a real threat and a growth opportunity.
So what does it do? It throws up a wall, right? And then you stand in front of that wall and you're like, oh my gosh, I'm a procrastinator.
I need you to hear this. The wall is not a sign that something is wrong with you. The wall is a sign that this thing matters. Right? Resistance gets loudest right before growth. Not as a warning sign to stop, but as a signal that you're really close to something real.
And that tender spot that you feel when you think about taking that next step, that's not weakness to overcome. That's an invitation to grow into the next version of you with compassion, not with force.
And so here's what I really want you to take away from today. You don't need to find something inside of you that you don't already have, right? You don't need to become a different person. You don't need to wait until you are more ready or more confident or more certain or more anything, really.
Everything you need to move through the resistance, to take that step—whatever it is—is already inside of you.
How to Move Through Resistance Without Fighting Yourself
What we're talking about today is ultimately learning how to access it, right? Learning to see that wall of resistance clearly enough that it stops running your decisions.
And I have watched this happen with women over and over again in those that I've coached. I watched it happen in the workshop that I just hosted this last week. It's the moment when you understand what resistance actually is, right? Not a character flaw, not something to whip yourself over, not a productivity problem, but a signal from a very tender part of your self-worth.
And when you recognize that, you feel something shift. You feel relief. And it's in that moment, when you stop making resistance mean that you're somehow broken or something's wrong with you, that's the moment when you can actually start to move through it.
So let's get really practical, because awareness is powerful. But I always want to give you something that you can actually take away from these episodes and use, right?
One of the most important conversations that I have with my clients—and honestly, it's one of the most powerful moments that I witnessed in that workshop last week—is when we talk about this question:
What actually moves you through resistance? Not what should move you, but what actually does?
Confidence Isn’t the Key—It Comes After the Action
So to make this really practical, I actually want you to think of something that you are resisting right now. Not procrastinating on, right? Not where you know what you should be doing and you're just not doing it, but something that has more of a deeper identity tie to it. Something where it just feels like there's a wall in front of you and the thing that you know that you need to be doing, right? That's how we're describing resistance.
So bring to mind that right now. And if you have to pause to think about it, do that. Because I want the rest of this episode to be really, really tangible and hands-on for you. And I want you to have that thing in mind. Okay?
All right, so you have the thing in mind that you are resisting right now. I want you to think, what is it that you're going to need in order to push through that resistance? Or follow through and get to the other side of it. What is it that you need?
Here's what a lot of my clients will say, right? They think the answer is confidence. Like, I just need to feel more confident in myself, and then I'll be able to do the thing.
But here's the truth. Confidence is not what is going to get you to the other side. Confidence is actually what you're going to feel after you get to the other side.
Okay? Waiting to feel confident before you take action is actually one big trap. It's just resistance wearing a more reasonable-sounding mask.
So if it's not confidence that's going to get you through to the other side, so you follow through with this task, what is it?
What Actually Moves You Through Resistance (If It’s Not Confidence)
Recently, in the Ambitious and Balanced cohort—the current cohort—we were discussing this. We were talking about what it is that they need in order to become someone who follows through with the things that they're resisting. If it's not confidence, what is it?
Now, let me just say, what I like to do is I literally want you to imagine this. I pull out my whiteboard, okay? Or like a flip chart, because I like to use a flip chart. It gets super—I wish we could all be in the same room together and I could whiteboard it out with you. But this is the closest thing I have with my cohorts.
So imagine I get my flip chart out, I start writing. It's like, what's going to get you to move through your resistance? And let me just tell you, there's silence—like crickets, okay? Because this is what we always think. We think we need confidence. And if it's not confidence, what is it?
So I write the most common next response to help them out. You know what that is? Purpose. A deep, grounding clarity on why it actually matters to have the thing that you want—to you, to your family, to the people that you serve. Right? When you connect to the why, that wall gets a lot smaller. But purpose and confidence are very different, right?
Purpose, Anger, and Other Unexpected Drivers of Action
So confidence can get you through the resistance, but so can deep purpose. Have you ever thought of that before?
What's something else that can move you forward through the resistance? Here's one for you. Anger, right? Honestly, women who get tired of waiting, tired of bending over backwards, of saying yes to everyone, tired of other people getting promoted above them or the men being more successful than they are—it fuels us, right?
It doesn't always have to be pretty. It just needs to be powerful in order to get us through the resistance wall.
Powerful Motivators That Move You Through Resistance
Or here's another one for you. Love—doing it for someone else, for your kids who are watching, for the version of yourself you promised you'd become, for the relationship you want to protect by finally setting that boundary instead of silently resenting.
Confidence, purpose, anger, love. Sometimes it's community, right? Being witnessed by people who believe in you before you fully believe in yourself. Which, by the way, is one of the reasons I love that the Ambitious and Balanced program is a group coaching program. Because women move differently when we're not trying to do it alone, right?
You literally have a group, a cohort that is with you, that is cheering you on, that is showing you what's possible before you even realize it's possible for yourself.
Sometimes it's just simply a deadline, right? A deadline moves us forward. A forcing function, right? Something that makes staying far more uncomfortable than moving.
Choose Your Fuel: What Will Actually Move You Forward
Here's what I want you to notice about all of these things, right? I want you to notice that all of them can move you forward. They all could be your fuel. You just get to decide which one you want to use.
So here's the thing I want you to do. Bring back up that thing that you've been resisting—the task, the conversation, whatever it is. And I want you to ask yourself, of these options that I just gave you today, whether it's confidence or purpose or clarity or love or community or anger, which one of these is actually going to help you move forward?
Which one can you tap into today to actually take a step through that resistance?
How to Break Through Resistance Today
And then once you choose, I want you to decide, what is your 5% move? What I mean by that is not the full step, but what's just going to move the needle—5%—to move you through that wall of resistance.
Just focus on that 5% move, and I guarantee you're going to build that momentum to keep it going. Maybe it's just that you need to send that message to your contact that you've been avoiding. Or maybe you need to block out an hour in your calendar this week and protect it like your life depends on it. Or maybe you need to say out loud to someone that you love and trust this thing that you've been carrying quietly by yourself.
Whatever it is, it can be small. Just a little 5% move. And then do that today. Because 5% is still a move forward, right? It's going to help break down that wall of resistance.
Stop Calling It Procrastination—This Changes Everything
So here's what I want to leave you with today. If you've been calling it procrastination, I want you to stop. Not because the words really matter, but because the story underneath it matters.
Procrastination says you're avoiding. Resistance says you're protecting something precious.
And when you understand that that wall that you're standing in front of is not a sign that you can't do this, but a sign that the thing is real and worth protecting—and also worth walking toward—everything shifts.
You don't need to wait around for confidence. You don't even have to wait around for more certainty. You also don't have to wait until the circumstances change or your kids get a little older or easier or the job gets lighter.
Your goals don't need your resistance to be gone before you take action.
Is This Resistance Showing Up in Your Own Life?
So before I let you go, I want to name something. If this episode hit you—like, if you sort of recognized your resistance wall, you've been sitting in front of your own version of that call that never gets made, like Jessica—I want to ask you something.
Have you been meaning to schedule a strategy call with me? Have you been thinking about joining Ambitious and Balanced, my group coaching program, and just haven't done it yet?
Because I want you to notice that that's resistance too. That is your brain protecting you and the current version of you that hasn't changed yet. That's the version of you that's still managing instead of thriving. That's the one still waiting for things to feel a little bit easier before investing in yourself.
And I want to say this with so much compassion, because I see it all of the time. And I also know that the women who move through their resistance and get on that call with me—they don't regret it. Ever.
Ready to Move Through Resistance? Let’s Take the Next Step
Here's what I want you to know. My next cohort of Ambitious and Balanced is starting in July, which means right now—right now—is the perfect time for us to book that work-life balance strategy call.
We'll talk about where you are at. We'll talk about what's holding you back—that resistance—and we'll figure out if Ambitious and Balanced is the right next step for you.
So if you've been resisting making real changes to work-life balance, if you've been resisting those boundaries, resisting saying no more, resisting making time for yourself, if you've been meaning to get some support but just keep waiting until it gets a little bit easier or pushing it down the line, then this moment is for you.
I would love to speak with you on a work-life balance strategy call. You will find the link to that in the show notes.
All right, until then, working moms, let's move through the resistance—and let's get to it.
Break Free from Stress and Take Back Control of Your Time
Hey, before you go, quick question. Are you ending most days feeling behind? No matter how much you get done?
If this is happening right now, it's not a time management problem. It's a pattern. And stress patterns don't fix themselves. They compound.
Most working moms don't actually need more time. They need to feel back in control inside.
My Break Free from Stress strategy call—we spend 30 focused minutes identifying exactly what is driving your overwhelm and mapping out a clear shift so you stop reacting and start leading your life again.
If you're tired of white-knuckling your week, don't put this off. Go to the show notes and click on the Break Free from Stress strategy call link to schedule your call right now.
All right, working moms, till next week, let's get to it.
