The Toxic Mindset Keeping You Stuck

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In this week’s episode of the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms Podcast, I’m digging into one of the most toxic and sneaky thought patterns that keeps working moms stuck — what I call the “no possibility mindset.” You know that feeling when it seems like there’s no way out of your current season, job, or chaos? That’s it. In this episode, I share how to spot this mindset, why it drains your energy and blocks solutions, and how to flip it so you can start seeing options and taking action again. I tell stories from my clients and my own life (including a parenting struggle that had me questioning everything) to show how powerful it is when you shift into possibility — and what happens when you believe that change is possible.  

Topics in this episode:

  • What the “no possibility mindset” sounds like — and why it’s so toxic 

  • Real client stories that reveal how this mindset keeps you stuck 

  • How believing in possibility opens up new ideas, energy, and confidence 

  • Simple mindset shifts that get you moving again

Show Notes & References:

Transcript

Intro

Are you feeling stuck? Like no matter what you try, balance isn’t possible, a better job doesn’t exist, or there’s just no way out of this season that you’re in?

That’s what I call the No Possibility Mindset. And it’s toxic.

It keeps you from going after the life that you actually want. It drains your energy, it keeps you second-guessing yourself, and it convinces you that change is out of reach. You start believing you’re just going to have to wait for things to get better.

In this episode, I’m unpacking how this sneaky mindset shows up—probably in ways you don’t even realize—why it’s so damaging, and most importantly, how to flip it.

Because once you start living in possibility, your brain starts to see new solutions, new opportunities, and new ways forward.

If you’re ready to stop spinning your wheels and finally feel empowered to create change and go after the life you want, this episode is for you.

Are you ready? Let’s get to it.

Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms podcast, your go to resource for integrating your career ambitions with life as a mom, I'm distilling down thousands of coaching conversations I've had with working moms just like you, along with my own personal experience as a mom of two and sharing the most effective tools and strategies to help you quickly feel calm, confident, and in control of your ambitious working mom life. You ready? Let's get to it.

The Mindset That Keeps You From Change

Hello, hello working moms! Happy fall.

We are still, in my area of California, dealing with like 90-plus degree weather out here, but it is definitely fall season, and we can start to feel the change—the change of color. I just love, I love this time of year.

And with the change of seasons, it really feels like the perfect time to have this particular podcast episode right now, sort of on this precipice of the fall seasonal change.

Because what we’re actually digging into here in this episode is one of the most toxic mindsets that prevents you from change. It’s preventing you from being able to experience more work-life balance. It’s preventing you from being able to make any changes in your career and find more happiness in your work.

It’s keeping you from taking back control of your time, your energy, and your focus — and from really living to your absolute fullest.

The Story of Ali: Feeling Stuck in a “Good” Job

To start us off, I want to tell you a little story about my client, Ali. Now, I’ve told this story on the podcast before a few times because it is such a perfect illustration of what I’m talking about here. But I’m going to share it again.

Ali and I, when we started working together—at this point, it would have been about five years ago—she had a lot of changes that she wanted to make in her life. She wanted a different job. She wanted to move closer to her family, like several states away.

In one of our sessions, we were discussing some of the big career transitions she was talking about, and she started telling me about how there probably wasn’t anything else out there as good as what she had now.

“This Is the Best It’s Going to Get”

Her job was flexible—and it really was. It had great financial incentives. Her family got great benefits from it. She was valued in her company and in her role. But she just wasn’t happy with what she was doing. She wanted to make a change.

Except what she was believing was that there was nothing else as good out there. Like, she probably wasn’t going to find any job as good as the one she had right now.

So I paused her in the middle of one of our coaching sessions as we were talking about that, and I said, “Hold on, hold on. Is it true that there really isn’t anything good out there—as good as you have it right now—and that you’re really just going to be unhappy for the rest of your career? And ultimately, you’ve essentially peaked right now at the age of 35? I mean, if this is the best that it’s going to get, right?”

Realizing the Power of Her Beliefs

There was this long pause as she considered what I was saying, and then she just busted up laughing. We both did, actually, because she realized she was really believing that.

She was believing that there was no other job for her out there that had as much flexibility as she desired, that was virtual in the way she wanted it to be, that was going to allow her to move, that was going to make the same amount of money, give her the same benefits—right?

She was sort of stuck in this loop that this was the best it was going to get. She had peaked.

And I remember she said, “I know it sounds ridiculous the way you’re saying that, Rebecca.” And I said, “I know. That’s why I wanted you to hear it. You’re believing that there’s no possibility of something being as good, if not better, than what you have. And if there’s no possibility, then you’re stuck.”

The Real Reason You Feel Stuck

This toxic mindset is what we’re digging into here today in this episode. I’m calling it the No Possibility Mindset.

And my hunch is, you didn’t even realize how much you’ve been believing this in some area of your own life, right?

The No Possibility Mindset can sound like a variety of things, but my hunch is you’re feeling stuck in some area of your life. Stuck in your job. Stuck feeling like you’re drowning in your commitments and in your schedule. Stuck in overwhelm. Stuck feeling like you have to choose between the career you love and the mom you want to be.

Stuck at the weight you’re at. Stuck trying to figure out how to make more time for yourself. Stuck figuring out when to work out. Stuck trying to find time to see friends.

There’s an area of life where you’re feeling stuck — and it’s because you’re believing this toxic No Possibility Mindset.

“I Don’t Know” Is a Symptom of This Mindset

This belief might show up as confusion. It might feel like stuckness. It might even feel like helplessness.

It sounds like:
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to get my kids to stop waking up in the middle of the night so I can sleep. I don’t know how to get my boss to communicate differently. I don’t know how to make more money. I don’t know what kind of job I want to be in. I don’t know.”

That feeling of not knowing what to do — that’s a version of this No Possibility Mindset.

So right now, I want you to bring to mind somewhere in your life where you’re believing this. Where you feel stuck. Where you’re telling yourself, “I don’t know.”

Where you’re feeling like there’s no possibility of change in the way you want, and that you just have to suck it up and wait it out.

 

There’s No Shame in Feeling Stuck

And let me be clear — there’s no shame here as we bring this to mind.

I’m going to share a little bit of my own personal story as well, because I don’t know about you, but I get stuck a lot. I get stuck in “I don’t know how to handle the meltdowns that are happening with my eight-year-old” — a lot of the time. I feel really stuck in that.

So, there’s no shame. I just want you to take a brief inventory of your own life and where you’re feeling stuck, so that in this episode, it’s going to be even more valuable to you if you have that in your mind as we go through this conversation.

Why the “No Possibility” Mindset Is So Toxic

I know toxic is a really strong word here — and I’m being very serious when I tell you it’s toxic.

Because believing there are no possibilities and that you’re stuck creates this ripple effect of disempowerment.

When you feel stuck — like there’s no possibility of getting unstuck or fixing the problem — it drains you. You start believing there’s no possibility of:

  • Getting promoted

  • Experiencing more balance

  • Not working late tonight

  • Lessening the meltdowns happening at home

When you’re stuck in that mindset, that there’s no possibility, you are living at a deficit — and it’s sucking your mental energy, your emotional energy, and for sure your physical energy.

It’s like, my hands are tied. There’s nothing I can do about it, so why even try?

If there’s no possibility of you taking back control of your schedule — why try?
If there’s no possibility of lessening the meltdowns with your kids — why try?
If there’s no possibility of finding another job that’s just as flexible and that you’d enjoy a hundred times more — then don’t even go search, right?

If there’s no possibility, then every attempt feels futile — just a waste of time.

And oftentimes, when you’re feeling disempowered and stuck in one area of life, it creates this ripple effect into other areas — where you start creating stuckness there, too.

How Your Brain Turns One Thought Into a Snowball

It actually happens all the time, and you might not even know it.

Like, have you ever had one of those days at work when you’re just not quite on top of your game in the way that you want to be, right? And then your brain starts to offer you little thoughts like, you don’t deserve to be in this role, you’re an imposter, they’re going to find you out, you’re not very good at this.

And then those seeds of thought throughout the day — they become sort of a snowball throughout the day, right? Where your brain starts to notice how true those thoughts really are. It starts to highlight and sort of repeat, like it’s a highlight reel, all of these little moments that are sort of evidence for how that’s true.

Pieces of conversation that could have gone a little bit better. Written communication that wasn’t quite on point. A presentation that wasn’t your best. An interaction with your kid where you were particularly angry.

And your brain just starts telling you, you’re terrible, you can’t do this, you’re not good at this, you’ll never be good at this.

Your brain likes to search for the things that you’re telling it.

The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of “No Possibility”

So if you’re stuck, and there’s no possibility of work-life balance in this job or in this role or at this company, or there’s no possibility of making a change, or the job market is too volatile — right — your brain goes on a search for evidence for how that’s true.

And then it sort of becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, where you’re believing something, so your brain is searching for evidence of it, and then it begins to feel more real in your mind.

It has this snowball effect — a story of disempowerment, of a lack of possibilities, that creates a ripple effect of more disempowerment stories and lack of possibilities across lots of areas of life.

So it becomes this self-fulfilling prophecy. And that’s another reason why this mindset is so toxic.

 

How the “No Possibility” Mindset Literally Shuts Down Possibility

The last reason why this No Possibility Mindset is so toxic is because it actually shuts down possibilities.

Like literally — you have fewer ideas on what to do, on how to make a change, on how to take back control of your time and energy. You literally don’t have as many options to problem-solve from, which makes it really difficult to make that change.

The next Ambitious and Balanced cohort just started a couple of weeks ago, and we’ve been in the process of beginning to coach and meet on a weekly basis. They’ve already really dug into the process. They’ve watched all of the virtual classrooms, they understand what they’re supposed to be doing, and they’re starting to implement those things.

Then, week after week, we come back together to talk about what’s working for them, what’s not working for them, and start to problem-solve through the roadblocks. They’re trying to implement the Four Essential Priorities that this program is based on, and figure out how to calendar them — then stick to it — and become the person who follows through, who holds to their boundaries and their priorities.

And as we’ve been getting going in our weekly sessions, and I’m starting to coach them and interact with them, I’m hearing a lot of this toxic No Possibility Mindset.

They don’t even realize that’s where their brain is at — I have to point it out to them. I have to remind them that creating sustainable work-life balance is an active process that requires trial and error.

It starts with picking your priorities, calendaring them for the very first time, and then figuring out how to hold to them. But there are so many variables that need to be sorted through — that need to be figured out.

How the “No Possibility” Mindset Turns Setbacks Into Proof You Can’t Change

We have to start with sort of a hunch on what those priorities are, figure out when is the best time to do them.

But what I’m seeing happen for them is this: every morning they get up and don’t do one of the priorities they said they were going to do, it becomes evidence in their mind of how work-life balance is impossible for them.

It’s like, “Oh, see? I joined this program and I can’t even keep to this. Obviously, this is just impossible for me. Work-life balance can’t be possible for me.”

Every day they set aside time to do a workout and then their young kids interrupt them — making that workout seem impossible — they kind of throw up their hands and say, “See? There’s no possibility of getting a workout in anymore.”

It’s like the failure to prioritize something for the first time becomes proof that it’s never going to work.

See what I mean?

This toxic No Possibility Mindset has that ripple effect of disempowerment. It shuts down solutions and ideas, which keeps you stuck even longer in that state of unhappiness and frustration.

And the longer you believe work-life balance is impossible for you — or that this season of life is something you just have to push through — or that there’s no other job that will pay you what you want — the longer you stay stuck.

The longer you believe you just have to wait out this season with your kids and endure meltdown after meltdown after meltdown — the longer you feel like a terrible parent.

When I Found Myself Stuck in the Same Loop

I recognize this. Recently, with my own son, we have been experiencing more meltdowns for him — and at higher intensities. It feels trickier than it used to, to sort of navigate the day to day. And what I was doing before just hasn’t been working anymore.

I have felt really stuck — not knowing how to help him, not knowing what to do, not knowing how to be supportive. And in my mind, I was sort of stuck in this loop like, this kid is going to turn out to be an emotional wreck as an adult if I don’t figure this out.

Which, of course, created more disempowerment and stress for me because I was believing there was no possibility of change for us.

I’d been believing the story that I was stuck, that I didn’t know what to do, and that I didn’t have any tools to help him. And so every day, we all sort of woke up and experienced the same meltdown.

Then my volcano started rising — frustration and helplessness — and the “I’m a terrible parent” thoughts kept trickling in.

And of course, nothing changes through all of that until the moment I decided that there had to be something we could do — there had to be a possibility — and that I had more control than I was giving myself credit for, that I was more equipped than I thought.

Shifting Into “Possibility Mode”

I literally had to reject the No Possibility Mindset and decide that there had to be a way.

And when I decided that, that’s when I shifted into possibility mode.

I reached out to his doctor, who referred us to a specialist. I leaned into some parenting mentorship — I’m a part of Dr. Becky’s membership — and I found some tools there that were really helpful for me.

I had some very intentional conversations with my husband, and now he and I are on the same page around this.

But all of those options — and that movement forward — happened because I believed there had to be a possibility. There had to be something I could do.

And of course, we’re a little too early in the process with my son to know what the final solution is going to be. But what I did — in terms of making those phone calls and starting to reach out — it immediately made me feel better.

It was like a whole weight was lifted off me because I brought my power back. I felt more in control of my situation. I wasn’t stuck anymore.

Living in Possibility Creates Breakthroughs

I call this living in possibility.

And when you live in possibility, breakthrough happens. Your brain starts scanning for solutions and next steps. You naturally begin to notice more opportunities. Options start to appear, restoring your sense of control and grounded empowerment — and you’re always going to make better decisions from that place.

When I decided there was something I could do about my son’s meltdowns — so that we weren’t living in this stuck cycle — the first thing I did was reach out to his doctor. But then my brain started to scan for more opportunity.

A few key conversations started happening with my friends, and that helped me find more language to describe what was going on — language I didn’t have before — which felt really good.

Then I started to feel more support from my family and friends because I was sharing it with them, which helped me realize: I’m not alone. I can do this. I can actually do this with the support of the people around me.

When you live in possibility, this almost always leads to immediate action.

And when you’re in action mode, you’re no longer stuck.

Some people call this manifesting — and that’s a little too “woo woo” for me — but ultimately, that’s what this is.

Coaching Helps You See Possibility When You Can’t

I have a client who has a really big job, and it’s very demanding on her time. It’s everything she wants — plus, she has two young kids and potentially even another on the way.

And she told me recently that there was no way she would have ever been able to figure out for herself how to have these big goals and achieve all the things she wants in her career and be the mom she wants to be — without coaching.

Because she was stuck in “this isn’t working, I can’t do this, I have to pull back.”

But one of my jobs as her coach is to help her live in possibility — to see options when her first thought is “there are none.”

From “I Can’t” to “What Are My Options?”

Now, after about a year of coaching together, she doesn’t feel held back by her circumstances anymore.

Instead of feeling like she can’t go after her big goal, she asks herself:
“What are my options here?”
“What could I do?”
“What would I need to do in order to make this happen?”

Notice that even that line of questioning — that shift within her — is all about possibility.

It’s the belief that the life she wants and the goals she wants to go after are all figureoutable.

Some of my clients even like to use that phrase — “It’s all figureoutable” — as a sort of mantra for themselves, to remind themselves that there’s definitely a solution, there’s definitely a possibility.

Cultivating the “It’s All Figureoutable” Mindset

One of the tools I often tell my clients to use to cultivate this mindset — this mantra that it’s all figureoutable — is the Daily Kickstart.

I don’t know if you’ve downloaded that yet for yourself, but it’s a 10-minute morning mindset cultivation practice where you can pick any mindset you want to strengthen.

It definitely could be used for this one — “It’s all going to be figureoutable. I can figure this out. There’s possibility out there.”

You can literally cultivate that mindset in yourself every single day.

It’s the most amazing tool. All of my clients love it. And I actually offer it for free.

So if you haven’t downloaded the Daily Kickstart, I definitely recommend that you do.

You can find a link to it in my show notes, or go to my website — rebeccaolsoncoaching.com — and it’ll just pop up for you.

When You Believe It’s Possible, You Start Figuring It Out

Because when you’re cultivating this mindset — when you’re believing that there’s possibility — right? You might not know exactly how to get your workout routine in again.

But if you have this mindset, this belief that it’s possible, you’re probably going to try to figure it out.

If you believed there was another job out there that paid you the same amount of money, if not more, had the flexibility you wanted, and the growth opportunity you desired — you might actually go out and look for it.

If you believed that you could get out of the habit of logging on after your kids went to sleep — that habit you’ve been in — and still be just as productive and successful in your job, you would start figuring out how to make that happen.

You see, when you start with possibility — living in the mindset and the land of possibility — that what you want is possible out there, your brain can start to come up with logical solutions for you. Logical possibilities. Logical next steps you could try.

Try This: One Small Step Toward Possibility

So I want you to go back to that thing that you picked earlier — that area where you’re feeling stuck right now, the one I had you bring to mind.

Maybe it’s a habit you want to break. Or a habit you want to start. Or a big change you want to feel. Or that sense of work-life balance you’re trying to cultivate.

I want you to bring it to mind and ask yourself:


If this was actually possible for me — to get unstuck and figure this out — what could I try? What could I do? What’s the possible next step?

Then, I want you to go out and do it.

It might not be the right next step, but the possibility that it could be is naturally motivating and empowering.

It opens up opportunity, options, and the next steps after that.

Step Into Possibility With Coaching

If you need a coach like me to hold space for your goals and for the possibility of the life that you want — and not just hold space, but also offer a process for how to go out and make it happen… to have the right mindset, take the right actions, and live in the land of possibility until you make it happen — until you manifest it, if you will, until you break those habits, until you get into that next job — this is exactly what I do.

I am in your corner as a guide and coach, helping you achieve all of the work-life balance and working mom goals that you have.

I’ve seen it time and time again: when you live in the land of possibility and you trust that coaching is going to work, that working with me is going to be the solution you need — whether that’s to get that next job, to get that next promotion, to break overworking habits, or to find more peace and calm — when you believe that 100%, we’re going to create it together.

Book Your Breakthrough Call — Your First Act of Possibility

Your next step, if you’re interested in working with me as your coach, is to book a Breakthrough Call.

This is a call where you and I talk about what’s going on in your life — the goals you have, where you’re feeling stuck — and together, we’ll map out a plan for exactly how you can reach those goals through coaching.

And of course, we leave plenty of time to discuss possibilities, answer your questions, and make sure this is the right next step for you.

You can book that Breakthrough Call by going to rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/book. That’s going to take you right to my scheduler where you can choose a time on my calendar. You’ll also get a prep form to fill out so I can get to know you a little bit before we meet and start sorting out exactly what you’re looking for in coaching together.

And I want you to know — just booking this call is an act of possibility.

It says, “Hey, maybe I could do something about this. Maybe there is a path forward. Maybe making a financial investment in this will pay off.”

I know that whatever you set your mind to, you can figure out, and I would love to support you through that.

All right, working moms — until next week, don’t forget to download the Daily Kickstart as well. You can find that in the show notes.

But until next week… let’s get to it.

Make 2026 the Year You Finally Feel Balanced

If you want 2026 to be the year where you end all of the stress and exhaustion and finally take back control of your time and your energy, then this is your moment.

The next Ambitious and Balanced cohort is kicking off in January 2026 and it runs through April. And this isn’t just about taking back control of your time. It’s about building habits that protect your energy and create more space for what truly matters — your health, your family, and your joy.

Imagine closing your laptop at 5pm and actually being done. Or walking into your evenings without guilt or exhaustion. Or having the mental space to think clearly, laugh more, and feel more like yourself. That’s what this program is designed to create.

And if you join before October 31st during early enrollment, you’ll get three private 30-minute coaching sessions with me to use before the end of the year — so you can finish 2025 feeling grounded and step into 2026 with clarity and momentum.

You can go to my website to learn more and to schedule a free call with me at www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/ambitiousandbalanced to save your spot before October 31st.

Let’s make 2026 the year that you finally feel balanced — not because you’re doing less, but because you’re finally doing what matters most.

Rebecca Olson