Presence over presents: the secret to joy during the holidays

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In this week’s episode, I’m diving into the secret to experiencing joy during the holidays: being truly present.

If you’re tired of rushing through the season, juggling endless to-do lists, and feeling like you need a vacation from your vacation, this episode is for you. I’ll share a powerful way to think about presence, practical tips to calm your mind, and how to finally enjoy the magic of the holidays without the stress.  

Tune in to discover how to align your mind and body, so you can create meaningful, joyful moments this season and beyond!  

Topics in this episode:

  • Why presence is the key to holiday joy 

  • The connection between joy and a focused mind 

  • Practical strategies to manage mental distractions 

  • How to stop multitasking and be fully engaged 

  • Building the habit of choosing joy daily  

Show Notes & References:

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Transcript

Intro

The number one thing working moms tell me that they want during the holidays is to be present, not to hustle their way through the holidays, not to feel stressed and anxious through the whole season, and certainly not to feel like they need a vacation from their vacation. No, you want to actually enjoy the holiday season and to experience joy this season, you must learn how to be present. Joy and presence, they go hand in hand. I have a real special way of thinking about presence that I'm sharing with you today on the podcast, along with what it takes to truly live in the moment during this season. If you want to slow down and experience the magic of the holidays, but without all the stress and hustle, this episode is specifically for you. Are you ready? Let's get to it.

Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms Podcast, your go to resource for integrating your career ambitions with life as a mom. I'm distilling down thousands of coaching conversations I've had with working moms just like you, along with my own personal experience as a mom of two and sharing the most effective tools and strategies to help you quickly feel calm, confident, and in control of your ambitious working mom life. You ready? Let's get to it.

Holiday Joy Starts with Presence

Hello. Hello, working moms. I know we are just a few weeks away from Christmas—maybe not even that—but I am writing this podcast just the day after Thanksgiving break, and I am smiling at all of the wonderful things that happened over this break.

I actually asked my husband and my daughter this morning, when we were sitting on the couch—it was about 6:30 in the morning, my daughter had just gotten up, and it was just the three of us—I asked them: Hey, what was your favorite Thanksgiving break moment? If you just had to pick one, what was it?

Kids See Joy in the Smallest Things

My daughter cracked me up because without hesitation she said, playing Woodburr.

Now, Woodburr is a game on your phone. It's like an app—a math game actually—so there are some educational components to it. My aunt introduced it to her, and she literally played maybe an hour total over Thanksgiving break. And that’s what she pointed out!

We had a whole week together with all these amazing memories, and that’s what she remembered. It makes me laugh because, in her mind, it was such a treat. We don’t really let our kids play games on the computer or our phones. We don’t have any game consoles yet. So anytime they get to play a game like that, it feels really special.

My Favorite Holiday Moment

My husband talked about food—and there was a lot of food we cooked together. We cooked for Thanksgiving at our house, and we cooked again at my mom’s house, which was a lot of fun.

For me, though, the thing that brought me the most joy—my absolute favorite holiday moment—was chopping down our Christmas tree the Sunday after Thanksgiving and getting all the decorations out when we got home.

The kids helping me put the ornaments on the tree was my favorite part. It felt really special this year because my kids are now 7 and 10. They’re at that magical age where Christmas is just delightful.

Why Presence Matters

Now that they’re a little older, they know all of our traditions and can anticipate them. They’re excited every time we pull something out. They remember each decoration and can’t wait for what’s next.

Usually, their interest in decorating starts strong and then tapers out. But this year, both of them were in it with me all the way to the end. It brought so much joy to my heart. I find myself smiling just thinking about it—and even as I share this story right now.

And I think this is a good segue into today’s topic, because the number one thing I hear from you, the Ambitious and Balanced community, about what you want over the holidays is presence.

You want to be present during the holiday season. You don’t want to rush through it. You don’t want to feel overwhelmed by it. You don’t want to hustle your way through it. You want to enjoy it. You want to actually be present and take in the magic of the holidays.

Ambitious Women Often Miss the Joy

This reminds me of a conversation I have a lot with women in this community. Many of my clients have the most amazing life, and yet they’re not experiencing joy.

They have the job. They have the house. They have the spouse. They have the kids. They have enough money. They’ve literally arrived at the dream they had for themselves 15 or 20 years ago—and yet they’re not experiencing joy.

And what we know is that joy is connected to presence. You cannot enjoy your life and feel absent from it. Joy comes when you are feeling present in your life.

Coaching Helps You Reconnect to Joy

So today we’re going to talk about being present during the holidays, so you can actually enjoy your life, enjoy the magic, and enjoy the festivities.

But I want you to know—if you’re one of these women who has it all but feels disconnected from the joy of your life—you are not alone. This is so common for ambitious women, and I don’t want you to settle for it.

You get one life. One chance to live your best life. And it doesn’t matter how amazing it looks—if you aren’t experiencing joy, loving it, and feeling the goodness of it—then we need to start coaching together.

You don’t need to change jobs, make more money, move closer to family, or get your spouse to do more around the house. You just need to fall back in love with yourself and your life. And I know how to walk you through that process.

That is the work I do with my one-on-one clients. And I have a spot for you right now.

Make 2025 the Year You Fall in Love with Your Life

I’ve opened up my calendar this week to talk with you and ensure that 2025 is the year you fall in love with your life and receive all the goodness it has to offer.

To schedule your free breakthrough call, just go to www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com.

Be Present This Holiday Season

For the rest of this episode, I want to focus on what it takes to be present during the holidays.

I put a survey out to my email list and on social media—so make sure you’re on my list if you’re not. I often ask for your insight, gather podcast suggestions, and offer free ways you can get support from me.

You can always find the link to sign up for my list on my website in the show notes. So make sure you do that.

What Working Moms Really Want for the Holidays

I sent out this survey back in early November and got a bunch of responses from working moms about their experience during the holidays—what they wanted to experience and the changes they hoped to make this year.

Overwhelmingly, working moms said they were already feeling stressed because of the multiple to-do lists and the pressure of making the holidays feel magical for their families and kids.

And almost everyone who responded said that what they really wanted was to simply enjoy the season. They wanted to be present. They didn’t want to get to the end of the holidays and feel like they missed it. They didn’t want a vacation from their vacation.

The Holiday WhatsApp Community

Many of you joined my free WhatsApp holiday community. This was something I started before Thanksgiving to support working moms in making sure the holidays were stress-free and enjoyable.

It became a place to ideate together and support each other as a community. And there’s still time to join if you want to—you can go to the show notes and click the link to the free WhatsApp community. I’d love to continue supporting you all the way up to Christmas.

Why Taking Time Off Isn’t Always Enough

I heard stories from women in that group who committed to not working over Thanksgiving. They didn’t work—they honored that commitment to be with their families.

But their minds were doing something else. They were worried about all the things left undone and the emails piling up.

One woman even said she had the worst case of the Sunday scaries on the Sunday after Thanksgiving—because she had committed to not working, but knew she had hundreds of emails waiting on Monday.

Making the commitment not to work during the holidays is the first step to taking back your joy and being more present. But if you don’t know how to control your mind and your anxieties, you’ll still feel like you missed out.

How I Define Presence: Brain + Body Together

I think about presence in a way that’s simple and different from how most people describe it.

When I talk to clients about being present, I often ask: What does that really mean to you?

It’s one of my favorite questions because, like the word “balance,” presence can feel nebulous. Balance means something different to you than it does to me. Presence can be the same way.

Usually, clients say something like: When I’m with my kids, I don’t want to be thinking about work or feeling anxious about emails. I want to actually be with them. And when I’m at work, I don’t want to feel guilty about my kids or like I’m letting them down. I just want to focus on my job.

So here’s how I like to define presence:

Presence is when your brain and your body are in the same place at the same time.

Isn’t that so good?

Presence in Everyday Life

Being present means your brain—your thoughts, your inner dialogue—and your body—where you are physically—are in the same room together. You’re thinking about and engaged with the thing right in front of you.

When you’re with your kids, you’re not thinking about how dirty the house is, or what’s for dinner, or how long you need to play before you can check your email. You’re enjoying the moment. You’re relishing the experience. Your heart feels open and full.

Sometimes I call these everyday memory-making moments of life.

On the flip side, when you’re at work and you’ve got 10 things to do and 100 emails waiting, you’re not planning your Hawaii vacation, worrying about bills, texting your nanny, or Christmas shopping on Amazon. You’re focused on work—doing your best work, showing up fully, and recognizing your value.

The Holiday Season Is a Microcosm of Work-Life Balance

During the holidays, your mind has about 100 additional distractions:

  • Physical things, like the pile of dishes, the clutter, the gifts you still haven’t bought, or holiday cards that aren’t addressed.

  • Mental things, like worries, expectations, and anxieties.

It’s the fear that you’re not meeting expectations. The stress of your in-laws commenting on the messy house. The guilt of not driving several hours for a holiday meal. The pressure of not being able to volunteer at your kids’ school party. The worry that your coworkers without kids are working longer hours and that you’re not pulling your weight.

Even if you commit to not working and turning off notifications, you can still feel dread about returning—already anxious about all the things waiting for you.

These are distractions. Mental and physical distractions that rob you of presence—not just during the holidays, but in life.

I said this last week, and I’ll repeat it:

The holidays are a microcosm of your life.

The same worries, anxieties, and expectations that distract you during December are the same things that keep you from being present the other 11 months of the year.

Coaching Skills Carry Over Into the Holidays

While we’re talking about this in relation to the holidays, I want you to zoom out a bit and see the pattern.

My clients often tell me that once they learn to take back control of their time, schedules, priorities, energy, and expectations in their normal seasons of life, their holidays feel completely different. They tell me how much better it went because of the work we did together.

If I can teach you how to be off work and fully present during a week-long June vacation, that same skill set—the ability to focus your mind and let go—is exactly what you need to be present during the holidays.

Coaching Is Holistic: Skills Beyond Our Time Together

Coaching is holistic. I don’t just want you to feel balanced, in control, happy, and confident while we’re working together. I want you to take those skills with you outside of coaching—beyond our time together.

My goal is to teach you the skill set and literally shift your behavior so you can live your best life long after coaching ends.

The Key: Mind and Body in the Same Place

So let’s talk about getting your mind and body in the same place at the same time during the holidays. What does it take to actually do that?

I could help you learn effective time management—how to get more done in less time—which absolutely makes it easier to be present. I do that with my clients. I teach results-focused calendaring and time-blocking strategies that increase productivity.

But the true freedom you seek is learning to be present no matter how many things are on your to-do list, how many emails are waiting, or how long your task list is today.

When we coach together, I teach you both:

  • How to be more effective with your time, so distractions happen less often.

  • How to manage your mind, so you can bring it back to the present moment on demand.

Decide Your Focus for the Moment

One of the keys to presence is successfully deciding your focus for this moment.

If you decide: Right now I’m going to bake cookies with my daughter, then whenever your brain wanders—to worries about dinner, comments from family, or a recent work email—you can bring it back to your decided focus: I’m baking cookies with my daughter. This is where I want to be. This is where I’m supposed to be. I’ve chosen this.

The problem is that many women haven’t committed to the result they want for any specific period of time. So their brain constantly offers thoughts about what they “should” be doing instead.

Your brain thinks it’s helping by throwing every worry, task, and priority at you all at once—often the ones that feel most urgent. But when you give your brain a clear focus, it can settle.

Presence Requires Commitment

For example:

  • If you’ve decided to finish holiday cards, and your brain tells you your kids are watching too much TV, remind yourself: The goal of this time is finishing cards. This is the best use of my time.

  • If you’ve committed to being off work for the weekend, and your brain starts worrying about coworkers picking up the slack, remind yourself: My commitment is to my family and holiday festivities. That’s my focus right now.

Getting your mind and body in the same place at the same time starts with deciding where you want your body to be. Do you want it baking cookies with your daughter? At the table finishing cards? At your desk finishing a project?

Being Present Means Not Multitasking

Let me say this clearly: Being present means not multitasking.

When you multitask, your focus is split. You’re not fully present in any one thing.

Distractions Are Normal—Redirecting Is the Work

Just because you’ve made a commitment and chosen a focus doesn’t mean distractions won’t come.

Of course your brain will notice dirt on the floor when you’re sitting down to play with your kids. Of course it will wander to dinner plans if you haven’t decided on a meal. Of course it will think about deadlines or gifts left to buy.

The problem isn’t that your brain offers distractions—it’s that you indulge in them longer than necessary.

Presence requires redirecting your mind back to your decided focus, back to your commitment, the moment you notice it wandering.

When you feel the urge to check a notification, grab the vacuum, or hop online for “just one quick” gift purchase, that’s the signal you’ve left presence. That’s the moment to pull your brain back in.

I call this mind management.

Control: One of the Three C’s of Coaching

This is one of the Three C’s that I focus on in coaching: control.

And it’s control over your mind and your time. A balanced life is one where you feel in control of your time and how you’re spending it. Your calendar is filled with things you want to do—not things that feel like obligations.

Your mind isn’t spiraling down a negative path all the time. Generally speaking, it has a positive tone. It tells you that you’re enough, that you’re good enough, that you’re doing enough—more often than not.

This is the really practical part of coaching with me. We dive into how to control your calendar so there’s more space, more freedom, and how to end the negative chatter in your head.

A Simple Way to Redirect Your Mind

One of the most effective ways to wrangle your mind when it starts to worry or distract you during the holidays is to stop exactly what you’re doing—literally pause.

Then, look around and think of one thing that brings you joy in that moment:

  • Your Christmas tree.

  • The memory of decorating it.

  • The Christmas music playing.

  • The memory of last year’s holiday gathering.

If you can’t find joy in what’s directly in front of you, zoom out further. Remember how deeply you love your children, how you wouldn’t trade them for the world, how lucky you are to be their mom.

Practice Joyful Thoughts

Oftentimes, I’ll repeat to myself—either out loud or in my head—statements like: Wow, I love my life, or I love this kid.

You actually have to practice thinking joyful thoughts in the moment. That’s what redirects your mind back to the present and creates more joy.

When you think about your life from the perspective of what brings you joy—more than what doesn’t—you feel more connected and present.

Now, you might think: If I were truly happy, shouldn’t I naturally focus on joy instead of anxiety?

The answer is no. You have to train your mind to see joy. You must practice thinking joyful thoughts and letting go of the ones that aren’t joyful.

Tools to Build a Joyful Mindset

I give my clients a set of tools that help them build a perspective of their life that makes them feel joyful, satisfied, abundant, and confident.

I also teach them tools to redirect their mind back to those thoughts when it wanders.

This is how you actually control your happiness. This is how you control your presence. This is how life stops feeling like it’s happening to you, and instead you feel like you’re in the driver’s seat—experiencing all the wonder and goodness your life has to offer.

Don’t End the Year Without Joy

If your challenge isn’t just being present during the holidays but being present and experiencing joy all year long, don’t let this year end without scheduling a call with me.

You can make 2025 the most joy-filled, memory-making, love-your-life year it possibly can be. I still have a few spots open to talk with you and openings in my calendar to coach you.

You can learn more about coaching with me—either one-on-one or through the Ambitious and Balanced group coaching program, which launches in February—by visiting:

www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com

From there, you can also book your free coaching call today.

Celebrating 200 Episodes!

Next week is extra special because it’s our 200th episode of the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms Podcast. I can hardly believe it!

Make sure you’re subscribed so you get the download as soon as it drops.

And if you know another working mom who could use this episode—about being present, focused, and really enjoying the holidays—please pass it along. This is an abundant community of working moms all over the world, many thousands strong. Share the love.

Final Invitation

The next step to getting unstuck and having more days where you bounce out of bed, certain you’re doing exactly what you want, regaining your confidence, and ending the negative chatter in your head, is to book a free breakthrough call.

This is a strategy call where I’ll guide you through setting a vision for the life you want to lead as a working mom. Then, I’ll lay out a plan for how we’ll achieve that vision together through one-on-one coaching.

Book your call at: www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/book

All right, working moms—let’s get to it.

Rebecca Olson