Recreating a playbook for balance and joy: navigating motherhood and career success (with Stefanie)

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In this week's episode, I sit down with my client Stephanie, who shares her journey of reclaiming joy and balance amid the chaos of motherhood and career growth. 

Stephanie talks about navigating a promotion and raising two kids through the pandemic, and how she worked to rediscover herself and create a personal "playbook" for living on her terms.  

If you've ever felt lost in the demands of motherhood or career, this episode is packed with Stephanie's insights on balancing both worlds, letting go of guilt, and embracing a life that aligns with what truly matters.  

Topics in this episode:

  • Rediscovering self and joy amid motherhood and career demands 

  • Creating a new life plan with confidence 

  • Navigating the pressures of career growth and family life 

  • Breaking free from subtle negative self-talk and guilt 

  • Embracing values-based decisions to feel balanced and fulfilled 

Show Notes & References:

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Transcript

Intro

Working moms, I have a special treat for you today. My client, Stephanie, has come on the podcast to talk about regaining her sense of self and creating a playbook to feel more joy and balance in her life as a mom that has raised two children during the pandemic, as well as managing a promotion at work at the same time, Stephanie shares her coaching journey that helped her to live life on her terms. Anyone that has experienced the motherhood identity crisis or has struggled with the intersection of motherhood paired with career advancement, you're going to want to take a listen to this interview. You ready, working moms? Let's get to it.

Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms Podcast, your go to resource for integrating your career ambitions with life as a mom. I'm distilling down thousands of coaching conversations I've had with working moms just like you, along with my own personal experience as a mom of two and sharing the most effective tools and strategies to help you quickly feel calm, confident, and in control of your ambitious working mom life. You ready? Let's get to it.

A Coaching Journey: From Client to Guest

Rebecca: Working moms, I am so excited today. I have a past client of mine, Stephanie, that has agreed to join us and talk about her journey through coaching, talk about some of the key lessons she learned.

And I asked her, you know, as we were prepping for this call today, you know, what do you think working moms out there really need to hear that you learned through the process of coaching? Like, what nuggets of wisdom can we give them? And she came up with so many wonderful things. I'm just really excited to have her here. So thank you for being here, Stephanie.

Stefanie: Yeah. Thank you so much for inviting me.

Rebecca: Yeah, absolutely. Let's just start with, you know, tell us a little bit about yourself just so we can get, you know, a baseline of who you are and how you came to coaching ultimately.

The Perfect Storm: Career Growth, Motherhood, and a Pandemic

Stefanie: Yeah, for sure. So, yes, I'm Stephanie. Rebecca and I worked together about a year ago, or started working together, I should say, about a year ago.

And I am a designer by trade, and so I've worked in the design industry in a variety of roles for now about 15 years. And I'm really reaching that inflection point that I think through working with Rebecca I have realized is a widespread phenomenon, not just for myself, but for women everywhere.

It’s this confluence of your career taking off kind of at the same time as, you know, your young family might be starting. So with that, I have two kids. Their ages are three and six. And I think, you know, with all of those things coming together in a perfect storm along with a global pandemic, that is kind of what led me to ultimately seeking out and finding Rebecca to work with.

Career Advancement and Motherhood Colliding

Rebecca: Yeah, I love it. And so funny that you just talked about like that intersection of career advancement and motherhood.

I just—an episode I just recorded is going to come out talking about that and all of the statistics around that. Like, this is like a crazy—it’s just wild to me how these two things coincide and then all of the challenges that we face because these two things coincide at the same time.

Right. It's like our career takes off, we're given all these opportunities, and we've got young kids at home that are vying for our attention and need our energy and all the things. Right.

You came to coaching and you had two really specific goals in mind. The first one was like—you called it regaining your sense of self. And you could tell us a little bit about what you mean by that.

The second one was also the way you framed it—recreating a playbook for your life so that you can really maintain work-life balance. Tell us about those two goals and why those were important to you.

Rewriting the Playbook for Work-Life Balance

Stefanie: I think I'll even start with the second one actually, as it relates so much to that intro, the lovely intro that you just gave.

But this idea that I think we talked about a lot in coaching as well—and I think you kind of helped me reach this insight—of I had been following this playbook, I think, for a long time as a high-achieving, academic, well-rounded community member. I tried to contribute to all of the things and high achievement, I guess, through all the standard ways by which our society typically values.

And really chasing that, I think, hard through high school and college and graduate school and the career ladder, et cetera. And so then you have kids and like, what are you supposed to do with that playbook moving forward? You know? And I think that was something that we talked about—really like, why should I assume that that playbook that I've been living my life by thus far was going to help me get to this next phase of what I really wanted?

New Game, New Playbook

Rebecca: We're going to go with this analogy of sports. It's like you had a football playbook but now the game is baseball. It's like those moves and those strategies aren't going to work in a different game, right?

Stefanie: Totally, totally. And like you have now trained your default behaviors, I think, to follow some of those plays by this point—like this is what it means to do well at work or to be chasing that next thing.

Whether or not you're goal-oriented or not, it's just like kind of a default behavior at that point.

And I think I had come to realize really that, quite immediately actually, there's a big priority shift once you have children. And the desire to be present and to really, you know, instill everything that you want within their childhood—that you want to make sure that you…

I'm going to re-say that—but like, I guess upon having kids, you suddenly kind of have this very immediate priority shift and an understanding that things need to change in order to fit those priorities.

But there's not really as clear of a societal path, I would say, for like, what are women supposed to do now as they have finally achieved all the things that they have sought out to achieve? But also, by the way, none of that is as important now. You have this family to build and to grow.

So I think a lot of that led to this second goal that you mentioned—of just recognizing that whatever I was doing and the plays that I was running, I guess at this point in my life, were not making me feel balanced whatsoever.

I was feeling like I was really off-kilter, trying to do maybe too much of too many things and really not knowing where to optimize and focus my energy to better take care of myself.

Regaining a Sense of Self Amid Motherhood

Stefanie: So I think that was one thing. But I think kind of coinciding along that—and maybe you could think of that as maybe all of the more external and visible symptoms of feeling imbalanced or the activities I was engaging in or where I was putting in my time.

But I think internally I was having a bit of a crisis as well. That speaks more to that first goal of really recognizing that I had gone all in on this whole motherhood thing.

And the timing of that, of course, for me personally did coincide with the pandemic and with a couple of other life circumstances. To where I could really recognize—I don't remember why I'm chasing some of these things that I am, or what do I actually care about.

And so I think I had at least enough wherewithal to understand I really needed to regain this connection with myself as a human, to then use that a little bit as a better compass for both being a mom and being a designer.

Creating a New Compass: Values, Identity, and Purpose

Rebecca: Yeah, and I use the word compass a lot as I start to talk about the sort of regaining sense of self. Because we do some really specific practices around that.

I give you three workbooks. You work through those, and we talk about them in a session. Those are your values, your identity, your purpose.

And the goal of that is to create that new North Star, that new internal compass that says, this is who I am, this is what I want, this is what's important to me, this is where I'm headed.

Those are really important questions that, as human beings, we need in order to calm down that piece of our brain that's always kind of wondering if we're on the right path.

And it's such a common question that I think we, as moms, have once we start having kids. Just whether we're super conscious of it or not, there's this question that says, Am I still doing the thing that I want to be doing right now? Am I headed in the direction I want to head now that I've just added this tiny human into my life?

And answering that question, I think, is a really powerful, important exercise for all of us so that we can, in fact, feel that sense of certainty, that sense of rightness, that sense of direction, that groundedness that we all want as we move along in life.

Autopilot, Motherhood, and the Wake-Up Call

Stefanie: For sure, yeah, that resonates so much. And I think not to keep going back to it, but I think it was a big circumstance.

I kind of achieved getting my what I would call a pretty dream job or a great-fit job right at the beginning of the pandemic. And that was right when my kid was 18 months old. And I think that built a lot of really bad habits of parenting and trying to perform at the same time.

That resulted in a lot of just autopilot from there. And so, to your point of, I had been on autopilot for too long.

And I think a big catalyst of me coming into coaching was even this event of my oldest daughter starting kindergarten. Suddenly I was like, Oh my gosh, those years are gone.

You know, her young childhood where I could have been doing XYZ differently or optimizing or really being more conscientious of the decisions I was making. Like, that's done now.

And I think that's what really brought me to, Okay, I've got to resolve this. I've got to feel that sense of rightness and understand the decisions I'm making better in order to feel good about them.

The Subtle Power of Negative Self-Talk

Rebecca: Yep. Yeah. For sure. So one of the things that you mentioned—and I was kind of laughing about this as I was sharing it with you before we hit the record button here—but you mentioned to me that one of the things I said to you, I don't know if this was in our breakthrough call or in one of our first sessions, but you had told me that you don't really have a problem with negative self-talk.

And I… well, I don't know. You tell me how you remember that moment that you said this to me and what I said to you. You tell me. Yeah, yeah.

Stefanie: Well, I mean, I think like we see it too in some of the other work that we did together with values and some of the general demeanor I try to bring to life in terms of a certain lightness and optimism.

And so I think I, yeah, channel that a lot outwardly. And then I know, yeah, as we started to talk to each other, you were kind of citing that as like maybe a common symptom or something that women in this position might be struggling with.

And me thinking like, Oh, well, no, not really. You know, like, I can't think of any examples. And then as soon as we started to get into it, I'm really…

“Shoulding” Your Life Away

Rebecca: Positive, I'm really optimistic. Yeah, those were definitely your values, your identity. Like you are, you're naturally that way, for sure.

And then I told you, Yeah, but my guess is that it's pretty subtle and you just haven't clued into it yet.

Stefanie: 100%, no. Yeah. But as soon as we… yeah, I think I was like, Okay, sure, sure. But as soon as we started unpacking it—and then, yeah—I think this is where the power of self-awareness comes through with putting a lot of work into coaching.

Because, yeah, as soon as even this tiny example of “shoulding” your life away—like, Oh, I should be doing this or I should be doing that or why am I not doing enough of X?—and then it was just really like, Oh, no, this actually dominates my life. That dominates all of my thoughts and responsibilities around all the things I'm trying to balance.

Rebecca: Yeah, “shoulding” is 100% a flavor of negative self-talk. Like it's subversive negative self-talk because it's telling your brain that you're not doing something, you're not meeting an expectation of some kind.

Whether that expectation is fair or not fair, societal or just your own, it doesn't really matter. It's just telling you that you're not meeting the mark.

And that not meeting the mark, when you take it a couple of layers down, is you kind of saying, I'm not good enough. I'm not doing enough. I'm not enough.

It's all of those things. And why—I'm curious—why was that, as you started to clue into what your kind of very subliminal negative self-talk was like, why was that important to you? And what happened as you started to clue into it?

Subtle Examples of Negative Self-Talk

Stefanie: Well, I think first of all, going back to just the self-awareness piece, you know, as soon as I was able to start cluing into it, I started to see the volume of it. Like, how much that could show up in all manners of life.

Because I think it wasn't just motherhood or career, but also the ways… it wasn't just big things.

Rebecca: It wasn't like you failed on a project or you yelled at your kids. Like these big moments. They were so… give us some examples of how subtle this was.

Stefanie: Yeah, totally. Like really subtle things. It's really important for me to show up in my community or with friends or neighbors in different ways.

And so maybe, you know, again, very subtly, but like beating myself up about, Oh, it was their birthday and I forgot to say happy birthday or give them some kind of note or whatever.

I love to write cards and letters to people, you know. And so I often have this ongoing roster in my head of like, Oh, this is a special date to a loved one. I should send them a card. But like, when do I have time to write cards right now, you know?

Rebecca: Yeah, yeah, for sure.

The Paper Cuts of Negative Self-Talk

Stefanie: And so it's like all these things that I guess I was having a hard time letting go of, where I wanted to be doing things that maybe I had had more time for prior to this particular chapter of life. And like never having time for them.

And then just feeling bad about it in some ways, like always feeling like, you know, well, maybe there were problems with like, I'm working too much or XYZ too much.

And yeah, I think it's all just additive, to your point. Like, it's not just big things, it's all the small paper cuts, I think, that just add up.

“Shoulding” Yourself Through Daily Decisions

Rebecca: Yep. Oh, I should have put more broccoli on their plate. Maybe they would have eaten that if I had chosen that today.

I should have lingered a little longer at bedtime and done XYZ. Or I shouldn't have… Yeah, all the little, all the little.

I mean, we could call it almost second-guessing of things. This constant, I could have, I should have, maybe if I had.

And this questioning of all these little decisions. And we make thousands of decisions every day.

We make thousands of decisions for ourselves, and then as parents, we make decisions on behalf of our kids. Tiny little decisions, all day long.

Everything from an interaction to what Starbucks drink we're going to get—it’s like ten decisions right there. Grande, tall, what kind of milk, what kind of flavor.

And if we have this subtle piece in our brain that's constantly telling us I'm not doing it right, I'm not doing enough, I should be doing it differently, that starts to take its toll on us.

How did you specifically notice it was taking a toll on you?

The Weight of Obligation and Burnout

Stefanie: Yeah, I think it was just this overwhelming sense of obligation maybe that was just starting to break me down, where again, it's additive.

It was coming up for me over time in multiple ways. But I think also looking at work, for example, within my job, even feeling like there were times when one week I'd be like, I don't know, I don't know if I can do this anymore. Talking to my spouse about it.

And then, the very next week, things start going better and I'm like, Nevermind, it's fine. And it was just this really cyclical, repetitive pattern of like, I'm clearly not handling everything okay, or things are not well.

But I couldn't break free of that cycle somehow. I just didn't know how to reset in some way.

And I think I was really feeling burnt out too. And I think that partially came from this overwhelming sense of obligation over time, leading to really not having made any time for myself.

And going back to that first goal, no wonder I lost my sense of self. I haven't been in touch with myself in approximately six years.

Chipping Away at Confidence

Rebecca: And you've been subtly cutting yourself down. You've been chipping away at your confidence and slowly making it smaller and smaller.

Telling yourself in very subtle ways all of the time: You're just not, you're not meeting the mark. I'm not meeting the mark.

Stefanie: Right.

Rebecca: I'm not meeting the mark. Over six years, tiny little, to your point, like paper cuts of that.

If you did that on your hand, you'd have a ripped-up hand eventually over time—if you were constantly cutting your hand like a paper cut with those kinds of comments.

And so it's really, really hard to find your sense of self, a groundedness in who you are, if you're subtly undercutting yourself all of the time.

Stefanie: Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

Coaching Breakthrough: Values-Based Living

Rebecca: So then what did we do with that in coaching?

Stefanie: I think some of the things that were more of the most key insights that I had gotten from coaching—thinking through those goals—I’m glad that we started where we did.

And I think the framing again of my goals as being the internal and external reflections of themselves. Like internally, sense of self: What am I doing here on this earth?

And then externally: What is the playbook by which I manifest that?

We started very much with the internal side. But you helped me work through a really interesting reframe that maybe you've gotten through this conversation so far already—even of I was very comfortable kind of living in this gray space and not really necessarily pinpointing some of these decisions that I needed to make or some of these feelings that I was feeling.

And the switch from feeling like I'm not a very goal-oriented person, or that I wasn't necessarily sure what I was chasing anymore, to then understanding the parallels between that and what I think you called values-based living.

But understanding what my values were and how those manifest kind of in my identity—like what really makes me tick and who I am and the purpose that brings to the world.

I think that analysis of really forcing myself to understand and document what I value and then starting to see how that shows up in all these chapters of my life—and also where it wasn't showing up.

And like, No wonder I was feeling a little bit depleted, because I wasn't investing all the way in the things that I think were important to me.

So I think that was the place to start, where we really had a long time working together. I think through getting to something that sounds so simple but took a lot of work to really unpack.

I think that was a good intro into how we started to tackle some of that together.

Naming Your Compass to Quiet the Negative Voice

Rebecca: Yeah. And as I start to think about this a little bit, the subtle internal tear down that you know that you are experiencing, that all of us experience—this subtle negative self talk—that was your old self, or maybe an unhealthy version of yourself.

We could even say valuing things that weren't important to you. Valuing how everybody else thought about you. Valuing needing to always be perfect. Valuing needing to always be on time. Valuing some kind of sense of, I don't know, being something over here.

And so then being able to put words to the values and your identity and your purpose and why you're here, and feel like you do that in a really powerful way and in a really clear way, you could start to see how that other voice that was sort of tearing you down was living these other sets of values that you didn’t want to live anymore. Right?

And I would imagine that some of those things, some of those voices kind of silenced immediately. Some of it did just because you named your compass over here and you named what was most important to you. And so some of that little voice just kind of shut itself down. And then some of it didn’t. Right? It was habitual and we had to kind of work through some of that as well.

Redefining Balance Through Values

Stefanie: Yeah, yeah, I think that's definitely true. And I think part of what we had continued to work on from that, that also was helpful is working through a little bit more of the second goal—of like, what does balance actually mean and feel like within my life, within the context of these values.

And I think that just helped to create an even more refined lens of where and how to achieve balance. You know, if I was looking across the things I value and where those show up already—in the work that I do or what I’m already doing with raising my children and the times and efforts that I make in trying to really have them have a magical childhood—I started to see how it was a good reflection point.

It gave me understanding of how these values were already manifesting in ways that I just needed to nurture a bit more.

“You’re Not at Zero”: Recognizing Progress

Rebecca: Yeah, let's talk a little bit of an example about that, because I love this idea. A lot of times people come to coaching and, you know, we have this goal of regaining a sense of self. That could be framed in a lot of different ways, but it really is this sense of regrounding yourself in who you are and what you want.

And a lot of times people come to me and they feel like they're coming at it from zero. Like they have absolutely no idea. They feel so far from what they think they want. They’ve never named it, but it just feels so far from who they are and the life they're living.

And then we actually get into it and we realize that’s not actually true. Right? There are, in fact, lots of ways that you are on some level living into the life that you want to lead.

And that's a really powerful moment—to recognize that you're not at zero. Maybe you're at five. Maybe you're at 50%. And now we're just increasing from 50% to 80%.

And that's a completely different feeling. Right?

So I’m curious, what were some of those things? Because I remember a couple of specific conversations around this where you kind of went, Oh, I actually am closer than I think to this.

Everyday Magic, Wicked Problems, and Rediscovering Nature

Stefanie: Yeah, absolutely. And I identify even with your intro part there—feeling like I’m coming from zero or feeling like, oh my gosh, I have no idea.

Rebecca: Right continent right now, you know.

Stefanie: Totally, totally. And yet, it took so much work to get to that kind of concise view of looking at myself in words, on paper, and then feeling like, Oh, this feels like coming home. Or like, Duh, of course I value these things. But how had I so lost sight of that?

But no, going back to your question—I remember we had taken that and then started to reframe them into goals looking forward. And some of those goals were a little bit more familiar or obvious to me after we had kind of worked through it.

I was like, Yeah, I know this. I know I've always wanted to do this. So two examples being:

  • I love this notion of filling my kids’ childhoods with everyday magic—putting investment in the silliness and the joy. That’s just so important to me.

  • On a career side, being part of really big, impactful, sustainable change. I like working on what we call in the design industry wicked problems—stuff like climate change, government services, or these things with really broad-scale tangible impact. That really energizes me.

And so it was fun to go through those goals with you and understand how they were manifestations of my values.

I think the thing that was surprising—and that you really helped me identify—was this third goal that I don’t think I ever would have called a goal before. But then I was like, Oh, this also makes sense.

It was to build this really deep relationship with the natural world. That’s how we had characterized it. But it was really important and has always been important to me.

The peace that I get with being in touch with nature and having experiences outdoors is super important to me. And yet I hadn’t really ever equated that as a goal or even a priority to be fitting into this everyday life routine.

We talked about how simple it could be—even changing one of my morning walks a week to go on a hike instead, or somehow start to plan and cultivate these moments of natural wonder. Like excursions regularly, etc.

So it was just a good, helpful reframe to think about how to even define what goals could really be in this phase of life.

Connecting Coaching Back to the Compass

Rebecca: And what we're just to connect it back to the compass, right? So we do this kind of compass work to define your values, your identity, your purpose. So that's what we call like that really core piece of who you are.

And then we looked at that compass and we said, what are the goals from there? Where does this lead you? What is your compass telling you you want to do? Go after, be in your life. That was where some of these real specificity of the kind of childhood you want to give to your kids, nature being a piece of that.

These types of things started to be very clear to you, which you always knew were important to you on some level. But then because we were able to trace it back to like this why it is so meaningful to you, all of a sudden it took on a, you know, a whole new, a whole new importance.

And you recognized that actually making time for those things was a huge piece of like refilling your bucket and living like very intentionally where you're going to get to the end of your life and you're going to look back at these things that you're doing now and go, yeah, these were like, really important to me. And I could, I could tell you, like, I could name the words for you that tells you why this was so important to me?

Why Coaching Was Worth the Investment

Stefanie: Yeah, absolutely. And I feel like that's why, I mean, in my mind it was so worth investing in, you know, is because again, it's like this is my life that we're talking about and it's like my kids’ lives and my relationship with my partner and, you know, just how to ensure like, I've always had that deep-seated fear of, you know, having regrets or feeling like I didn't live life to the fullest or whatever.

And so, yeah, I think everything you just said really resonates again, that it's just like, that's been powerful to know and to have. Even as I continue on my way after coaching and going to my job and doing all the things and then if I start to feel out of touch or something, I have these very tangible artifacts to go back to and revisit and noodle on that are really centering, I think.

The Coaching Playbook: Tools for Real Life

Rebecca: I love that. I want to talk just briefly about the playback or the playback. The playbook. That's what it is. The playback. I think I wrote Playback Playbook because a lot of the things that we've talked about in this playbook kind of fall into this category of like, it's stuff that we do a little bit outside of the moment.

It's like talking about the goals and talking about the things that are important to you, which you have to give your brain direction before you can really do anything with that. So that's still all a part of the playbook is naming your values and naming those goals and things.

But then there's a piece of the playbook that's like, I'm in the trenches of life and I'm literally making decisions in my daily life to align with these things, or not for that matter.

And so I'm curious about a tool that's in your playbook or play. If we're gonna go with that, we're gonna go with that metaphor that was really important to you or impact to you or one that you're still using at this point. You know, even though we've been done with coaching for a couple of months at this point.

Using the T-F-A-R Model and Pivot Moments

Stefanie: Yeah, definitely. I think, I could think of two off the top of my head. Like one being during the context of coaching. I think that I don't remember if you say TFAR or, you know, thoughts, feelings, actions, results, kind of framework of working through that, but yeah, that model, exactly.

So that model though, in particular, I thought was really profound, like during the context of coaching. I think going back to this notion of just like understanding thought patterns and understanding like, how much everything else can be rooted in, like, a simple reframe, you know, mindfulness, I guess, like, within your thought patterns. I think that was really powerful for me.

Ongoing, you know, post coaching, I think we talked a lot too about this notion of, like, the pivot moment, you know, and like, whenever you feel times of stress or under duress for some reason or another, you know, and feeling maybe like a slight internal conflict. I think through coaching, I've gotten a little more mindful about like recognizing when that happens.

And then we have, you know, some real tools, I think, for then, once you recognize it, like, what works to get yourself out of that funk, you know, like, what works to kind of reset that thought pattern, like we're talking about, and be like, okay, it's okay that I'm feeling this way, but now what do I do about it? And how can I kind of move away from this in a productive sense?

And I think that's still definitely a work in progress. I think that's a lifelong challenge, really, for everyone. It's not like going to be just completely smooth sailing, but I think it is helpful already to be able to recognize it a bit more effectively and then also have some exercises and ways of working in my back pocket that can help to get out of it.

Life After Coaching: What’s Changed

Rebecca: Yeah, I love that. So where. How would you, like, describe life now that you've gone through this process, like, in terms of how it's different than when we started?

Stefanie: Yeah. I think I have so much more of an appreciation just for, like, injecting fun into my own life, you know, like, not necessarily always worrying about making sure that I'm showing up for other people or trying to create these moments fully just for my kids, but really just thinking about us as a family.

Yeah, you can show up for work, you can show up for all of these different responsibilities and roles in your life, but also there's just time for rest and time for relaxation and knowing that that's just as important as everything else on the list.

And so I would say, like, this whole summer, even after we had kind of wrapped up our coaching, like, it was so fun. We had so many outdoor adventures that really gave me a lot of energy and joy. You know, chasing the northern lights and kayaking, like, out to famous landmarks and Great Lakes and camping in the backyard and, you know, like, all these things that it was just, like, so worthwhile to put in that tiny bit of extra effort and maybe even, like, tiny bit of mindfulness to be like, you know what, on Sunday, like, I'm not going to do laundry all day. We're going to get out and go do something and have fun, and I'll deal with laundry later, and that's fine. And it's still going to get done.

Living in Alignment Makes Joy More Powerful

Rebecca: And you might have.

Stefanie: Still done.

Rebecca: I just want to make a quick point about this, because I think you still might have done some of those fun adventures, but I think when you have the perspective, like, I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing, this is. I wouldn't want to be doing anything else. This is so aligned with who I am and the life I want to lead and the mom I want to be.

When you have that energy while you're doing these activities, right, that the energy, the joy, the life, the motivation, everything internally just feels so heightened.

Stefanie: Right.

Rebecca: In a positive way. And I think that's a huge difference. Is so often we do. A lot of us do things that, in retrospect, we want to be doing, but we don't experience the joy of it because we don't connect to the deeper reasons why we're doing it. And the moment we actually name it and give ourselves that kind of empowered perspective, it, like, it changes the—

Stefanie: Entire energy behind it 100%. And I think that's a really good point to kind of encapsulate this whole experience in that. And we've talked about this before, but, like, externally, you would not know that any of my circumstances have changed. You know, like, circumstances, like, literally. Yeah, literally nothing is different. Like, I am doing the exact same thing I was doing one year ago in the same place with the same stuff.

And yet I think it speaks to that point that you just made for sure of just, like, understanding and also letting go of the guilt. Like, I think we talked a lot about personal life there just now, but professionally, too, just understanding, like, no, I do this because actually I really enjoy it and I'm good at it, and it provides for my family. And it's okay if, like, I send my kids to daycare because I'm going to be really present and focused with them as soon as they're home. But I can, like, go to work and enjoy it and feel okay about it, which is really. Yeah, it's a good reset.

Working Moms Need to Hear: “You’re Doing a Freaking Good Job”

Rebecca: Yep. I love it. Well, let's. Let's close with this, because I love that you wrote this to me as we were kind of going back and forth and taking. Putting down some notes about this, this episode. You said all working moms need to hear is that we're doing a freaking good job.

And yet that's so hard to internalize. You know, a lot of us hear it, and yet the internalization of it is, like, a whole nother thing. So give us some wisdom on how we internalize this, Stephanie.

Stefanie: I think, yeah. I mean, if I had a nickel, you know, for every time you hear that kind of thing from someone somewhere, you know, in pop culture, and it's like, okay, yeah, yeah, whatever.

Rebecca: You roll your eyes and go, I get it.

Stefanie: Yeah, Uh-huh. Sure. But I think it goes back to, I mean, some of the things that you were saying of. I think that by building this self-awareness and understanding, like, what you really are all about, and then starting to notice how, like, you're showing up that way in so many of these avenues of life, you're role modeling that for your kids, you know, just, like, being in touch, I think, with who you are and having everyone be able to just, like, really embrace that about themselves and just live life by their terms, you know, then it, like, starts to just, like, have ripple effects of that joy and of that intentionality around, like, how you're doing, you know, anything in your life, I guess, you know, across, like, the career ladder or in a personal way.

I think it just, like, has. Yeah, it has a huge impact all the way across. I don't know how to get people to internalize it for themselves, but I think the short story of that is that you really probably just have to do the work, you know, and really to start to understand. And I really can now appreciate, I think, a little bit more of the importance of mindfulness by having done that work myself versus just, like, hearing about it and wondering what the secret sauce was, but maybe not necessarily having experienced it firsthand.

Coaching vs. Doing It Alone

Rebecca: Yep. And that work that you're talking about—for you, you chose to do that in coaching, and you chose to give yourself a container of space with somebody that was going to guide you through it. Obviously, you could do that in other ways, too. But I think coaching is one of the most effective ways.

My guess is at this point, you'd probably say something very similar, like the idea of really giving yourself that level of intentionality, accountability, expertise in somebody guiding you. It's way better than doing it on your own, if you'd ever get there.

Stefanie: Totally. Yeah. And I think attending therapy or other types of mental health care is 100% also a great method and maybe complementary as well. But I think, like, the forward, forward focus of coaching and, like, really that kind of particular vantage point that coaching takes, I think is really helpful with these types of questions that you're grappling with.

Sharing the Coaching Journey

Rebecca: Yeah, absolutely. Oh, this is. I mean, I could. We could keep talking forever here. This has been so fun to chat with you, Stephanie. Thank you for taking the time and putting some thought into this and just sharing, sharing your experience and wisdom. So good.

Stefanie: Yeah, of course. Thanks so much for having me. I really hope I wanted to share because, you know, I felt like there are a lot of women out there that are probably feeling these similar things. And so if this helps, you know, anyone with kind of taking whatever that next step is for themselves in terms of, you know, just feeling that balance and feeling good about all the things they're doing—because again, they're probably doing a great freaking job and they need to know that. Happy to be here. Thank you.

Final Words for Working Moms

Rebecca: Absolutely. So good. All right, working moms, until next week.

Stefanie: Let's get to it.

Rebecca: The next step to getting unstuck and having more days where you bounce out of bed feeling certain that you're doing exactly what you want to be doing, regaining your confidence, ending all of that negative chatter in your head, is to book a free breakthrough call.

This is a strategy call where I will guide you through setting a vision for the life that you want to lead as a working mom. And then I'll lay out a plan for exactly how we will achieve that together through one-on-one coaching.

You can book that call by going to rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/book.

All right, working moms, let's get to it.

Rebecca Olson