I experience a constant push and pull between being a working mom and the desire to be a stay at home mom. I want to work. But I hate being away from kids. I need the money but don’t want to pay for childcare.
When I was working full-time with an hour commute, all I wanted was to have more time with my daughter, and I envied stay at home moms. When I quit my job to try and work from home as a contractor, I envied moms that didn’t have the distractions of their kids while trying to work. I loved my kids AND I loved working.
My heart felt torn in many different directions.
Currently I am a part-time work from home mom. And just the other day I found myself daydreaming about having more time to work, thinking about some of my friends that work full-time in jobs they love and it made me feel weak. I found myself on a downward spiral, thinking things like:
- "They can work full-time and still have a happy family life. Why can’t I?"
- "They’re stronger than I am."
- "They’re better than I am."
I envied these full-time working moms.
These thoughts literally stopped me in my track because I know lots of working moms who would say the same thing about me. They dream about being able to work from home. They long to spend more of their day with their kids. They envy me.
What does this mean?
It means that being a full-time working mom, or a stay at home mom, or a work from home part-time mom has its up sides AND its down sides. There is no perfect scenario. It doesn’t matter what others are able to do, or not do. It doesn’t matter if your friends can make it work or not work. It doesn’t matter if your kid is in full-time childcare or not. Every scenario is ok. There is no right or wrong. There is just you. And you need to do what is best for you, despite what any one else thinks or does.
It is easy to be jealous. It is hard to be content, no matter the situation. It is easy to long for what you lack. It is hard to be grounded in who you are, what you want and what you need.
But this is the basis for a confident and happy life.
If you constantly long for what you don’t have, you’ll never see what you do. If you always feel shame or guilt for not being or doing something, then you’ll never muster the confidence to go after what you want.
The other day, after recognizing the downward spiral I was headed down with my thoughts around work, I took a moment to remember why I have chosen the life I have chosen. What I love about my current rhythm of life and why it is best for me and my family. I remembered that this isn’t forever and that I can choose to work more in the future. Essentially, I remembered to just be me. As I did, my energy lifted, I shut my computer and unapologetically took my kids to the park.
I urge you to do the same…to unapologetically be you.
P.S. Need help sorting this out? I've been there and I offer a free 45 minute breakthrough call to help you get crystal clear on who you are and what you want out of this season of your life. Click here, to check out my calendar and book a call.