Why Is It So Hard to Dream Big as a Working Mom? (My 44th Birthday Episode)

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I turned 44 recently, and instead of celebrating where I've been, I found myself questioning where I'm going. In this episode, I'm sharing a vulnerable reflection about how easy it is for working mums to lose sight of their biggest dreams while managing the endless demands of everyday life. We talk about why survival mode steals our ability to dream, how fear disguises itself as "being practical," and why your past doesn't get to decide your future. If you've been feeling stuck, this conversation is your invitation to start believing in what's possible again.  

In this episode, we unpack: 

  • Why survival mode makes it so hard to dream big. 

  • The difference between dreaming and casting a vision. 

  • How fear hides behind "being realistic." 

  • Why your past doesn't define your future. 

  • The mindset shift that helps you step into your next level.  

Work with me: 

Transcript

Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms podcast, your go to resource for integrating your career ambitions with life as a mom, I'm distilling down thousands of coaching conversations I've had with working moms just like you, along with my own personal experience as a mom of two and sharing the most effective tools and strategies to help you quickly feel calm, confident, and in control of your ambitious working mom life. You ready? Let's get to it.

How Survival Mode Keeps Working Moms Stuck

All right, working moms. I'm going to get real serious, real quick in this episode because, look, my birthday just passed a couple of days ago. I turned 44, and birthdays have this way of bringing about reflection if you choose to use them in that way, as I do.

Here's the thing that I am most reflecting on on this particular birthday. I am nowhere near the dream that I had for my business and my life. I am nowhere near it.

Yes, I have an amazing life, wonderful things going on in my life. My husband is amazing. We just passed 19 years together in marriage. I couldn't have asked for better kids that I love with all of my heart. I wouldn't want to be doing anything else other than coaching. Yet, there are many dreams, there is a vision for the life that I have had that has gone unrealized.

Not only am I reflecting on those dreams and that vision, I'm reflecting on the lack of visioning that has been going on for the last several years. It feels like there's been almost this big block in my mind that has been preventing me from dreaming bigger and better and setting a greater vision for myself.

This feels extra vulnerable to share because I think one of the greatest benefits of hiring a coach is that they hold for you a higher vision than you even have for yourself. They see your ability to achieve your goals in a way that you can't. To say that I feel like I'm not doing that for myself feels particularly vulnerable to share with you.

I know I'm not alone in this. I think this particular season of life for a lot of women feels you could feel very stuck and stagnant. Life revolves a lot around your kids and around their activities, and it can feel a bit rinse and repeat.

There's just an endless amount of things that need to get done on behalf of your household. It can feel somewhat relentless, and there isn't any space to dream or to vision cast. I don't know about you, but I spend a lot of time doing the dishes right now. It's an obscene amount of time. Laundry goes unfolded for days and it just piles up, and there are so many things to manage in life on behalf of everyone.

The dreaming beyond the dishes and the laundry feels almost impossible right now. I'm just trying to get through the day sometimes or this week or this summer.

Survival Mode Is Keeping You From Dreaming Bigger

To be honest, I have felt stuck in that same trap that so many of my clients get into. Not being able to see past the endless household management tasks and into something else that is better for you.

This ultimately is like the epitome of survival mode. Literally, your brain is designed to shut down any thinking that is not essential to your survival when you're in the middle of survival mode.

Long term vision casting and dreaming, it feels optional. That's a luxury to us. I would say that has felt true for me as well.

Why It Can Feel Impractical and Irresponsible to Dream Bigger

I think another reason why the last few years have felt particularly challenging when it comes to vision casting for myself is the practicality of it. It feels impractical, unrealistic, or even irresponsible to dream sometimes.

I remember when I decided to leave my full-time job and become a coach. The reason it took me so long to make that jump, even though I was really clear that I wanted to do it, was because I was the breadwinner of the family. I held the insurance of the family. I had a one-year-old. My brain continued to tell me that's impossible, that's irresponsible, to follow some harebrained dream of becoming a coach.

Now, obviously, I was able to overcome that one. Many, many years ago, I was able to do that. But I have felt stuck in this very similar trap these past couple of years. Like, I have to pay the bills. We live in one of the most expensive places in the United States. So experimenting, trying new things in my business, in my life, that feels impossible at times. And so my brain just stays the course, and it plays it safe. But I coach my clients to not play it safe, to not play it small.

Stop Playing It Safe: The Power of Dreaming Bigger

I've worked with one of my particular clients, longest-standing client I've had, for over seven years. She's been on this podcast before. Her name is Misty. And I remember on our very first breakthrough call together, over seven years ago, I remember I asked her, "What dream do you have for yourself that feels absolutely impossible to you?"

And I remember she said, she said she really wanted to write a book. She wanted to sit on a beach and write a book. And guess what? She's in the middle of doing that right now. Not always at the beach, but sometimes. That vision is coming true for her.

And she actually references that conversation. She remembers it too. That's something that sort of motivates her, something that's been inside of her, a seed inside of her, that's finally coming to fruition.

 

How to Stop Playing Small and Create the Life You Actually Want

Or I think about my client Erica, who's also been on this podcast before. And she and I started working together as well, about six or seven years ago. And back at that time, I remember she told me she really wanted to leave her full-time corporate job to start an organizing business. That's something she'd always wanted to do, like since she was a teenager.

Well, just a couple of years into our coaching together, she made that dream come true. She quit her corporate job and started this amazing business that has replaced her corporate salary. And she absolutely loves it. Couldn't imagine doing anything else.

Another client of mine had a vision of living closer to her folks. But she was like literally across the country. And she felt so tied down to where she was at due to her job. And she was the breadwinner of the family. And she felt like she didn't really have a choice.

But over the course of our working together, she was really able to see that vision come true. Where she found a job that allowed her the flexibility to move. And her whole family went across the country. They bought a house near her folks. And she wouldn't want it any other way.

I could go on and on about the stories of how my coaching has helped clients vision cast. And then see those visions come true. Where I get to witness the transformation of these amazing women going after the life that they want. Not feeling held back by what they're supposed to do. Or what feels responsible or safe or even comfortable.

And here I am right now in this vulnerable state admitting that I have felt somewhat trapped in my own smallness. In my own lack of vision. Until now.

Creating a Bigger Vision for Your Career and Life

So a few weekends ago, I traveled to Atlanta, Georgia, to hone in on my coaching skills. To attend a two-day workshop. Part of that workshop challenged me to kind of recast some vision in my own life. In my own business.

And I saw something there that I'd never seen before. Something that I have never really even uttered to anyone else. And I'm going to utter it to you right here for the first time.

Here it is. I want, this is the vision. I want to be the coach. Like the go-to coach for female founders and CEOs with young children. I literally get like goosebumps thinking about this vision.

But here's what happens next. I saw that glimpse of that vision over the weekend. Of what it looks like. What it would feel like to do that. Coaching at that level. And then three seconds later my brain shut it down. Impossible. Come on Rebecca. How are you ever going to get there? You're not good enough to do that.

I recognize how familiar that shutdown script is for me. Or at least it has been in my life the last few years of my life. I'll catch this little bit of a vision. Something that I really want. And immediately I shut it down with the impracticality and impossibility of it.

But the thing about vision. The reason you even call it a vision is it's because something that it's something that hasn't yet come to fruition. Right. It's something that feels like it would stretch you. It feels out of your reach. It's something that you've never done before.

Your Past Success Does Not Determine Your Future Potential

And so here's the thing. My past success. What I have achieved so far in my life and in my business. That does not determine my ability to reach my vision in the future.

Because if I'm going to do something new and extraordinary and big. Something I've never done before. Then I can't look at my past self. My past achievements. My past skills to get me there.

When you embody a new vision. You actually have to become someone new to achieve it. You have to grow and evolve into the person that can make that vision. Happen. Because if you had already possessed the skills and the capabilities of doing it. Then you would have done it by now.

And so I don't know about you. But my brain likes to use my past evidence of my life. Even my past achievements and successes against me. Saying well you've never done that before. And that's it's impossible for you to do that in the future. Your past never dictates your future.

Let me say that again. Your past never dictates your future. My past does not dictate my future. 

How to Cast a Bigger Vision for the Life You Really Want

So if I had one birthday wish for you. It would be to cast a big vision for your life. To not hold back on what you desire and want and believe for yourself.

Of course you don't know how you're going to achieve that impossible vision. You've never done it before. Of course it's going to feel scary. And the risk of failure is going to be high. But it's worth it. For sure your brain is going to tell you that you can't. And that it's irresponsible. And that it's impractical. And you're going to have to do it anyway.

You're going to have to get out of the weeds of your everyday life. Past the laundry and the dishes and the diapers. And the driving your kid in a car all day long to their various activities. You're going to have to see beyond that. To the vision of the life that you want.

For me I will be the go-to coach for female CEOs and founders with young kids. I will also have a best-selling book that will be considered like a Bible for working moms. Navigating career and family. My TED Talk will go viral. I will own a house by the beach that my grandchildren will remember coming to. Within the next five years I will take my kids and my family to Europe for the summer. At least six weeks to embed ourselves in a different culture.

And so I invite you to step into your next level. To not just dream. Which feels like a fantasy but to cast vision over what's possible for you. You can do it. I can do it.

If there is a demographic of human beings out there that is most capable of moving mountains and making impossible things happen. It is working moms. I believe that with all of my heart. We are tenacious. We do not give up. We adapt. We are flexible. You never want to get in the way of a mama bear in front of her kids. Right. That is who you are. It's who I am. And so I invite you to dream tenaciously. To dream big.

Vision Casting for Working Moms: Questions to Help You Dream Bigger

If you need some starting questions. I would just start with where do I want to be in one year? What do I want to be different? And then if I could stretch that to feel near impossible. What would be thrilling in my life? What would be extraordinary if it happened for me in my life in the next year?

Part of vision casting isn't actually being able to achieve the thing at the date that you have decided you want to achieve it by. It's actually to push yourself to achieve remarkable things faster. Might take you a year. Might take you two. But in either case having an impossible dream is going to force you to be strategic. And push you to optimize in ways that you wouldn't otherwise if you never had the dream.

So what would be extraordinary in your life a year from now? What feels thrilling to you to have achieved a year from now or five years from now? Paint the clearest picture you possibly can for that life. And for who you are in that life. See yourself. And get as specific as possible.

 

Why Getting Specific Makes Your Vision More Achievable

Your brain craves specificity. It wants to know is that in one year or is in that in two years? Are we in the same job or are we in a different job? Do we live in the same house or is it a different house? The more specific you can be, the more likelihood for your brain to problem solve for how to make that happen for you.

My friends, working moms, I turned 44 and I am on fire so excited about what this next year holds for you and the vision that is coming together for me in my own life. And I wish the same for you.

Turn Your Vision Into Reality With Coaching for Working Moms

If you're looking for somebody to be on the journey with you to hold your vision for you in a way that you can't to see what's possible for you in ways that you haven't been able to, then I am your coach.

And I would love to connect with you on a strategy call where we can dig into what is that vision for you. Let me help you cast that vision and then we could talk about how coaching can help you get there.

All right, working moms. If you want to book a strategy call, there is a link in the show notes. And until next week, let's get to it.

Start Your Day with More Calm, Focus, and Confidence

If you wake up most days spinning with a hundred different priorities vying for your attention, then the Daily Kickstart is exactly what you need.

It's a simple, six-step process that helps you get your thoughts out of your head, reset your mindset, and refocus on what actually matters.

It's designed to help shift you out of overwhelm and into calm, confident action before the chaos hits.

This daily practice is the same tool I offer to all my clients, and it's going to show you exactly how to lead your day instead of react to it. It takes just 10 minutes a day, and the impact will ripple through everything, your mood, your energy, your presence with your kids, and how you lead at work.

My clients indicate time and time again that this tool was the one that made the biggest difference for them. And I'm offering it to you totally free.

You can download it by going to www.ambitiousandbalanced.com/daily-kickstart.  And of course, I'll have that for you in the show notes as well. All right, working moms, let's get to it.

Rebecca Olson