There's Gotta Be Another Way: One Mom's Journey Out of Overwhelm (with Tania Deshpande)

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For years, Tania believed success meant grinding harder, working longer, and constantly proving her worth. As a working mom in Silicon Valley, she was exhausted, overwhelmed, and stuck in a cycle of perfectionism, guilt, and never feeling like she was doing enough. In this conversation, she shares the mindset shifts, practical tools, and surprising breakthroughs that helped her create a completely different way of living, one where ambition and balance can actually coexist. If you've ever wondered whether there has to be a better way than constantly running on empty, this episode is for you. 

In this episode, we unpack: 

• Why high-achieving women often tie their worth to productivity 

• The hidden mindset patterns fueling burnout and overwhelm 

• How redefining success changes everything 

• The four types of time every working mom needs 

• Practical tools for overcoming guilt, perfectionism, and negative self-talk 

Work with me: 

• Ambitious & Balanced: www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/ambitiousandbalanced    

• Book a Work-Life Balance Strategy Call:  www.rebeccaolsoncoaching.com/ambitiousandbalanced-call   

• Book Your Mental Load Reset Call Here (with free Quiz!): www.ambitiousandbalanced.com/strategy

Transcript

What if the version of life where you feel burned out, stretched thin, and never quite enough isn't the only option?

That's where Tania was—overwhelmed, stressed, running on empty, convinced that she was failing everyone all of the time.

And then one thought kept coming back to her:

"There's gotta be another way. This can't be it. There has to be more than this."

And so she found Ambitious & Balanced and found that other way.

In today's episode, she's sharing exactly what that other way looked like to her—the specific exercises, the real shift, the things that actually worked.

Because on the other side of that search, Tania found more control of her time, more control of her energy, more presence, more clarity of thought, and time actually for herself.

She really, truly found another way. And by the end of this episode, you're going to want to find it too.

Are you ready? Let's get to it.

Welcome to the Ambitious and Balanced Working Moms podcast, your go to resource for integrating your career ambitions with life as a mom, I'm distilling down thousands of coaching conversations I've had with working moms just like you, along with my own personal experience as a mom of two and sharing the most effective tools and strategies to help you quickly feel calm, confident, and in control of your ambitious working mom life. You ready? Let's get to it.

Rebecca: Ah, working moms, excited that you are with us today. I have a very special guest. I'm going to let her introduce herself here in a moment, but Tania comes from my Ambitious & Balanced program. She just graduated from the most recent cohort.

And I asked her to come on and share her experience and the transformation that she had during this program, and to just give it to us real—like, tell us really what it's like and what she learned.

And so I'm just so excited that she's here. Thank you for being here, Tania.

Tania: Thank you. I'm so happy to be here, thank you so much for having me. 

Rebecca: Oh, absolutely, absolutely. And this is going to be a great conversation. Tell us a little bit about yourself. 

Tania: Sure. Yeah. So I have been working in Silicon Valley for the past 20 years. Currently, I'm a business leader who helps other companies transform their business with AI in novel ways.

I also work with museums and educational institutions to incorporate new tech, not just AI, but also VR.

I've been working a lot in tech for startups and for big tech for many, many years, and now I'm using that to help others improve and innovate within their current companies.

Rebecca: I don't know if I knew all of that. I didn't know you were working with museums and things like that. That's cool. Yeah.

Tania: Yeah. Yeah. It's been really great. A lot of the things that I do have been not so much in software development, but also making sure that the changes we make with this software get percolated through the rest of the organization.

And it's very applicable to AI because people are using AI, and so you need to have the right systems and organization in place to actually make those changes possible.

Rebecca: So good. I love that. Okay. And you have one kiddo.

Tania: I have two kids. I have a six-year-old. Yep. I have a six-year-old and an eight-year-old. I have an older boy and a younger girl.

Rebecca: That's right. That's right. I love that.

From Silicon Valley Startup Grind to Sustainable Ambition

Okay. So one of the things that you said that really perked my ears up is working in a startup culture.

I feel like people, I mean, whether or not you've worked in a startup culture or not, there's certainly an idea that it is a 100-hour-workweek kind of environment. It is a really, really work-heavy, workaholic type of environment.

Was that your experience?

Tania: Yes. Yes. And I think that's one of the reasons that your program was so transformative. The Silicon Valley startup grind, like being that mercenary to work, had been my de facto way of being for so long that it was really refreshing, and it was so helpful to go through your program and actually realize that a lot of this way of working and doing things just didn't resonate anymore.

And so you kind of just pulled the cover from over my eyes, and I was like, "Oh my gosh. There's another way to be balanced. There is another way to be ambitious. It doesn't require this obsessive grind all the time."

Rebecca: I love that. So what did you learn about that?

"I Wasn't Valuable Unless I Did Everything Perfectly"

Tania: I think, to give you a little bit of background about what I had experienced and what I had gone through, I was used to those 100-hour work weeks.

I was used to making work a priority above friends and family. I was used to having this high agency and this vision of what I could be and this perfect person, and how this relates to not just money but also success. There's so much external validation to that. That was just the way that I saw it. You have to consistently work.

I was very much a perfectionist. And so I think when I came to see you, I was just riding this wave of always needing to work, or in order for me to feel good, I have to put in not just the work, but I have to do an amazing job at everything and do all the things correctly.

What you had was someone who was just burnt out, who was a perfectionist, and who also was really, really, really good at bringing herself down when she didn't meet that exceptionally high bar.

I had all of those thoughts. I was just like, "I am not worthy. I am not valuable unless I get all of my to-dos done and I do them exceptionally well and I make no mistakes."

And if I do happen to not get those things done, and if I do happen to be far behind, or I didn't accomplish them to the degree of perfection that I meant them to be, then I was not worthy. I was not valuable. Something is wrong with me.

And so that's my way of thinking. I hadn't realized how awful this was to live.

Rebecca: Yeah, terrible way to live. Were you tuned into that script in your head much? 

Tania: I don't think that I realized it until we started the program. How much of that was just part of my DNA almost. How I think one of the things... 

Rebecca: You just woke up and thought those thoughts. It was like, "Yep”, Kind of already woke up with the deficit. 

The Exhaustion of Waking Up Feeling Behind Every Day

Tania: Yeah. It's really punishing to start your day and you're already behind. You start your day and you already feel like, "Well, I'm already behind from these things."

And then there's the part about motherhood. The part about motherhood that I think you have nailed and really talked so well about is not only are you trying, as this person before your program who is a super burnt-out perfectionist, but you're also trying to be a good mother.

And then you try to put those two things together where you're like, "I'm already feeling behind. I'm also not doing a good job as a mom because I'm trying to focus on being perfect and doing all these things great."

It just makes you spiral even more into a negative spiral. And you just start off your day feeling really like, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm just not worthy." That's kind of what's going through your head.

You Don't Have to Choose Between Ambition and Balance

Rebecca: I mean, I think that it's so common. I think it's really common for high achievers, right? And ambitious people.

That's why this podcast is named what it is. This is about ambitious people finding balance.

It's so much of what the people who are drawn to me would self-identify with on some level. I'm that way.

It's about—and you said it in the beginning, and I'm looking forward to hearing how you're going to reframe this—but finding another way to remain ambitious and to remain achievement-focused and to feel balanced and to feel like a good mom and to feel like you have a life outside of work and feel good about yourself.

We really aren't about changing the achieving self and the ambitious self. It's what makes you you. It's really special to you.

But there is another way.

• You don't have to wake up and feel behind every single day.

• You don't have to wake up and feel overwhelmed and terrible about yourself.

Looking for Another Way Beyond Burnout and Perfectionism

Tania: Yep. And I think you said that really well. I feel like, having gone through your program and realizing what was happening with me, as soon as I wake up—or even the night before—I go to sleep and I'm feeling awful. And then I wake up and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, I'm so behind. I don't feel good. I don't feel worthy. I'm not valuable."

All of these thoughts. And then you have to deal with your kids. They're young. They might not be the easiest to get out the door in the morning scramble. And so all of these things add up, and you're just frustrated and stressed, and you take it out on them. And I didn't even realize it was all of this mindset that was affecting me and that was also creating this strained and hectic and frantic mom experience at home.

And so I was really excited to go through your program and learn this other way, this other way of living. I knew I had to change. I knew that I wanted to feel good. I knew that I wanted to get out of all of this noise about 100-hour work weeks and obsessing over work. And it's like, that just doesn't resonate with me. I want another way. I really was looking forward to exploring new ways of thinking about this and feeling balanced.

Rebecca: So before we even get into hearing about what you've learned about this other way, I would love to hear, did you try some things prior to deciding to join? Like, what did you do to try to figure this out, even on your own? I mean, your kids are six and eight, so clearly you've been working at this for a while, right?

The Layoff That Brought Relief Instead of Panic

Tania: For a while. Yeah. So I actually, at my last corporate job, I was working for a big tech company and I was kind of a zombie. I had a lot of responsibility. I had teams in different time zones. That company was my priority, not friends or family. And it really was very taxing for me after about a year and a half.

And then, as happens in the tech industry, I was the recipient of a layoff. The moment I got the news, my body felt so much relief. It was like, "This is great."

But my mind was still in that burnt-out perfectionist mode. It took me about three to six months. I even had this thing called Slack hands, which I've actually seen other people have.

Rebecca: What's that? 

When Being "Always On" Becomes Your Default Setting

Tania: So even three to six months after I had been laid off, I was just so used to grabbing my phone and checking Slack. I was no longer connected to Slack, and I would do this at night because people had been messaging me all the time. And I would just keep doing that.

It's funny because I recently went to lunch with someone, and they did the same thing. They had this thing called Slack hands. I had phantom Slack hands. That's how bad it was. I was like, "I need to be always on. I need to be always responding." And it would continue at night.

So it was like my body was feeling this relief, but my mindset was still in this "gotta do it all, gotta succeed in everything, gotta be perfect" mode.

And so I had set out to take some time and explore. I didn't want to go back into corporate, but I wanted to explore other ideas, potentially do a startup. I was just figuring out my next step. And I decided to start my own business doing novel AI applications and systems and helping others with AI. So that's what I landed in.

But when I came to you, I was just spiraling because I was both very anxious and afraid. I was thinking, "Oh no, I don't want to get back into the way I was." I had a little bit of freedom and flexibility. I did want to grow, but I was feeling so much fear and anxiety about working on my business because I didn't want to get back to how I was before.

And so I think I was trying, in my own way, to explore possibilities and talk to people. The act of exploration was there, but I hadn't realized until I talked to you and gone through your program how much the mindset shift really mattered. How much that was really affecting my approach to what I wanted to do.

Rebecca: Yeah. Yeah. Now we're starting to talk about the other way, right? So tell us in your own words when you think about what the other way is, what is it? 

From Overwhelmed and Reactive to Clear, Present, and in Control

Tania: So I think it's a feeling. It's definitely confidence. It's a feeling of clarity, and it's feeling really good about these are the things that I'm going to be doing.

It's a feeling of both productivity and presence, and no longer feeling that overwhelm of, "I didn't do enough," or "I didn't get that thing done on my to-do list," or the racing overwhelm of your mind.

It's more like, "No, I actually know today this is what I'm going to do. This is how I'm going to prioritize the people in my life, and this is what I'm choosing not to do. And guess what? I feel good about it." This is going to make me feel really good today.

So you're no longer battling all of these doubts and demons and insecurities about, "Oh gosh, I should have done..." or even feeling shame with your, you know, like, "I wasn't there for my kids," or "I needed to prioritize this." It's almost like you're in flow. I feel very much in flow with the decisions that I make and how I'm spending time with my family and also on my projects and the business that I have.

Rebecca: And so what did you learn about how do you get into that flow? 

Tania: So that's a really great question. I learned a lot.

Thanks to the program that you provided, I had never realized this inner voice was so critical. I had never realized I had such a negative and punishing inner voice. I had never realized that my work was such a source of identity, that my work equaled identity for me. And I was like, "Oh my goodness. Wow."

And that it's okay. The idea that if I don't do this thing on my to-do list, I am still worthy. That sounds like...

Rebecca: Sounds obvious or simple.

Tania: Sounds obvious. Yeah. And I was like, "What? But I'm perfect, and I need to do everything, and I need to do it at 150%."

The Inner Critic High Achievers Live With Every Day

Rebecca: I mean, we get to the end of our day, and if you had intended to get a bunch of things done that you didn't get done, really the reality is most of us sit there and feel a sense of failure, right?

We feel a sense of, "Man, why wasn't I so productive today?" We kind of—I like to call it our whip, right? Like the whip that's saying, "Come on, Rebecca. What were you doing today?"

And then you start thinking about all the things that you did that were sort of a waste of time or that you should have done differently, right? And you just kind of berate yourself with it.

So although it does sound like, of course you shouldn't kick yourself for not getting things done, really, for high achievers and ambitious people, that's how we tend to treat ourselves at the end of the day, you know?

You Are Worthy Before You Accomplish Anything

Tania: Yeah, totally. What you're saying about berating yourself is a perfect example of what was happening. And the idea that you are still a valuable, worthy person, and if you don't do that thing on the list and you do it tomorrow, like, great. Give yourself some room to do that. It was like a light bulb. Like, "Wow."

And I remember during that time, when we were learning about where you feel that and how you create that identity, you mentioned an example. Like when a baby is born, you love this baby. You love this baby, and they were just born.

And that's how you should think of yourself. And I was like, "Oh my God. Why have I never thought about it that way? Yes. Yes."

Rebecca: I'm lovable because I am…

You Are Valuable Because You Exist, Not Because You Achieve

Tania: Yeah, not because I did all these things and I achieved all these things, or because I've made this much money.

It was a really wonderful way of contrasting, especially for someone who's been in Silicon Valley working in startups, where every other news article you get is like, "This startup raised $20 million."

It really contrasts a lot of the external validation noise. I think it was powerful for you to show us, "No, you are valuable just being. You are valuable."

Rebecca: So it sounds like there were some really core stories that we shifted for you in this program. And that is certainly sort of a module, if you will, where we dig into some of those old stories that we tell ourselves, that we believe, that we don't even usually realize or consciously realize we're telling ourselves, that really get in the way of us experiencing balance.

And so that sounds like that was a big one for you. But it's not usually a one-and-done deal. There's some active nature to sticking with that mindset. What did you find was most useful for you?

Learning That You Can Control Your Time and Energy

Tania: So there were a few things in the program that really, really helped me. I had never realized the idea that I could control my own time. I know that sounds obvious, but I was basically operating from this place of, "For me to get success, I have to do all these things. And people are coming at me all the time. And I have to respond always and always be available and give it my all."

It's like I had no concept of, "Oh, I can control my time and my energy." I can decide what I want to focus on. I can rethink some of these things and mold them the way that I want to.

We learned about categories of time. You have your me time, which is a concept in itself. Like, what is me time?

Rebecca: Yeah, it's not getting your nails done. It's not a massage. Those are great things, and you should do those things. But that's not what we're talking about here.

What Actually Counts as Me Time?

Tania: Yeah. And I remember being like, well, I scheduled me time for an hour, and I'm just reading the news and going on my phone. And I remember there was also a moment where you were like, "Is reading the news actually making you feel good?" And I'm like, no, it's actually kind of depressing.

And you were like, "This should be soul-filling. This should be soul-filling." And we're not calling it me time.

It took a couple tries of experimenting with it for me to understand what that was. And then what it means to have kid-focused time, and what it means to have uninterrupted work time, and what it means to have working hours. I had never thought of those four categories and that I could actually move them around, change them around, rethink them, or reframe them. That was, in itself, a really key learning moment for me.

How Tania Turned Frantic Mornings Into a Family Ritual

And I remember one example of this is how much I hated mornings. Not so much because we talked about feeling behind—I worked on that—but also just the mad rush between breakfast and making lunches and drop-off. I was just like, "I hate these frantic mornings."

And I remember making it a point to ask myself, what would an ideal weekday morning look like? What if this was your reset morning? Your energizing morning? I just called it something else.

And what if this were meant to give you energy and make you feel good? What if this was even soul-filling?

And I was like, interesting. Let's riff with that.

Because that switch flipped around my ability to control it and make it mine. I still wake up at the same time, but now I focus on, all right, for me to have this really wonderful morning, we're going to make a slow breakfast. I'm going to create a ritual. I'll wake up the kids a little earlier. We'll all be together. We're going to get dressed at this time.

And now it's becoming almost a wonderful ritual for my family every morning.

Not without yelling or... well, come on, they're six and eight. Let's be real. There are still some moments where the yelling does happen, but they're much rarer now.

And I think I learned so much about the ability to take these things that you dread, these things that give you negativity, and realize you can control them. You can make them yours.

What does it take to visualize it differently, change it, flip it around, and make it something wonderful versus, "Okay, I've got to do everything super fast. I've got to get this workout in. I've got to get this done." Just, okay. Take a breath. Relax. Rethink it.And so that was a really, really important lesson for me around the ability to realize I don't need more time.

That was something very important that I took away. I don't need more time.

What If Things Could Be Different?

Rebecca: I do need to shift the way we're thinking about our time and how we use it. And I mean, I love this. I don't think I knew anything about this morning ritual routine thing that you're talking about. I don't know if you've ever shared that with me.

But what I'm hearing in a lot of that, if I were to kind of dissect it in terms of what's the other way, it starts with pulling back for a moment and evaluating—not in the muck of it, right?—but from an outside perspective and looking in and kind of going, what's working here and what's not working here?

And what if I just believed that this could be different? What if I just decided to believe a different story?

And in this case, you're saying you just started believing that your mornings could be different. What if I didn't have to get through my morning and feel exhausted, but it could actually be a life-giving experience with my family?

What if, you know, it's like, if that was possible, what would I do? What would I try?

That's a lot of what this is. There's no cookie-cutter way for anyone. It's about creating some space to problem-solve and think through and build a set of thinking and beliefs and stories that really serve you, and then giving you the tools to actually execute on that.

And a lot of that, you kind of did for yourself through this process. It's so beautiful.

Letting Go of the Rules I Thought I Had to Follow

Tania: Yeah, it's really beautiful. And I think, too, because I had this very rigid way of being. Like, I need to get my workout in right before this, and I need to do these 10 emails, and I need to do these things. And I was like, but do you?

When you rethink your time and how you structure it, you can actually decide differently. If I prioritize that connection with my family in the mornings, I feel really good. And I'm okay with saying, I'm going to leave my emails until after drop-off, and then I'll figure out my workout at some other point.

It just broke a lot of that mold that I had and that rigidity around, "To succeed, I must have done 100 different things by 7 a.m. to be productive."

And I still feel very productive. It's just that now I have a way of doing it that energizes me better throughout the day and gives me that flow, focus, and connection with my kids and my family too.

Redefining Success on Your Own Terms

Rebecca: And you brought up the word success, or succeeding, and I'm glad you did because we do spend time in this program actually putting some words to that, right? Recognizing how am I defining success today, or how do I believe success happens?

Meaning, in order for me to be successful, I have to check everything off my list, or I need a certain amount of time, or I have to get a workout in at this exact time. And this is what makes me successful. But it's very rigid.

One of the things that we do in this program is spend some time really thinking about that. Does that version of success actually serve you? Is that really true? What do you believe about success?

Like, at the end of your life, if you looked back, what would you say was successful?

And spending some time putting language to that, because I think a lot of us live by cultural definitions of success, or familial definitions of success—what we learned from our families and the generational patterns that came before us—or even a pre-kids version of success. And so it's a time for us to recalibrate to the life we're living today.

When Success Stops Looking Like Achievement Alone

Tania: I totally agree with you because I remember that exercise around success. I think my definition of success was that 19-year-old startup founder with no children who had the entire day to just grind.

And so that was kind of the operating framework that I was in. And then when we did this exercise, I realized, no, success for me is connecting with my family. Success for me is being really aware that I have been a zombie before with my kids. I know what that's like. That did not feel good for me or for anyone.

I just want to feel that connection. I want to optimize for that balance and presence.

And yes, I do have ambition, and I do have this desire to work and create and focus. But I want it to be in a way where I still have those moments of presence with my kids, and I'm also able to get into work mode as well. But it's not all-consuming. It's not all-consuming.

Balancing Ambition, Family, and What Matters Most

And so that really helped me. At the end of the day, whether my business succeeds or fails, the thing that's going to be left are my kids and their memories with me.

And so I really focused on visualizing being present and making that a priority, in addition to having these chunks of time during my day where I'm focused on my ambitions.

And your program helped me realize, it's okay not to be that 19-year-old startup founder. It's okay. You can create your own definition of success and still be balanced and still be ambitious, which is a very big shift. It's a huge shift. Yeah.

Rebecca: Yeah. Yeah. It's the other way.

Tania: It's the other way. Exactly.

Rebecca: It's the other way. And so I've heard you talk a lot about shifting mindset and stories and narratives that you're telling yourself. I've heard you talk a bit about shifting your definition of success, or maybe going through a process of redefining it. I've heard you talk a bit about identity and reconnecting with who you are outside of achievement and reconnecting with that person again.

What do you feel like, when you think about some of the practical tools that you learned, were some of the ones that you really gravitated toward or continue to use today?

The Most Important Tool From Coaching

Tania: There's several. Every day I do the Daily Kickstart, which is where I write down a set of beliefs, primarily the belief that I want to take with me throughout the day.

And I have my notebook and I have my pen. And it's funny because I work in AI. I have my super machine with 20 to 30 of the latest AI tools and all the frontier models and my own local models, et cetera, all of these things.

But I think the most important thing on my desk is actually this journal with my pen and paper, where I'm setting myself up to feel good throughout the day and to feel confident throughout the day.

Some of the beliefs can be things like, "I'm exactly where I need to be," or "I believe I'm in the right place," or "I believe I'm a good mom."

There might be some swirliness in my head that I take on throughout the day, some thoughts that affect how I work. But for me, it's really important to have that moment to write down my main belief, why it's important, and if a roadblock occurs, how I'm going to deal with it. How do I make sure that belief is true?

And I can pull up examples where things happened—whether others noticed something wonderful about me or I felt really good about doing something.

I think that's what gives me confidence. It makes me feel good. I have clarity. I know I'm in the right place. And so whatever I'm doing throughout the day, it just helps me feel more in flow.

It's Amazing What Happens When You Think on Purpose

Rebecca: So good. And just so everybody hears this, she's literally talking about a notebook. If you're not watching right now, I'm holding one up. This is literally a notepad.

I give tools like this to my clients. In fact, this one is right here. But this is actually free to you. I give this tool away.

If you went to RebeccaOlsonCoaching.com, it would either be a pop-up that comes up or you can find it at the bottom of my homepage. You could literally go there and find the Daily Kickstart.

She's talking about the number one tool she just mentioned, and it's available to you because I want people to experience transformation from this.

It's amazing what happens when we think on purpose. When we decide to direct our brain in the way that we want it to go, it's remarkable what happens. And I know you experienced a lot of that transformation yourself as you learned—not just this tool, but a variety of tools—to do that.

Why Putting Pen to Paper Changed Everything

Tania: Yeah. And even just the act of—I never journaled before—and just the act of writing things down. There's something really special that happens, especially for someone who's on her machine using AI tools all day. There's something really special about putting pen to paper.

And it's something I've learned through your program too. Whenever I have a lot of confusing, spiraling thoughts, it helps me to write those down, which is related to the other tool that I use frequently called the Pivot Protocol.

The Pivot Protocol for Mom Guilt

That usually happens when you're dealing with conflicting situations. I'll give you an example. I wasn't able to attend my son's field trip as a volunteer because I had a work commitment. And so I felt so much guilt that I couldn't attend the field trip because of this work thing.

I was able to use the Pivot Protocol to address that guilt and empathize with myself. Yes, of course. This is something that any mother would feel—that tug and pull. And then it helped me get clarity around, okay, now that you've felt it, understood it, and worked through it, what are some things you can do to feel good about this decision?

So even though I wasn't able to go on the field trip, I was able to connect with my son later about it. We had our own moment. I made it very clear to myself that he's going to have a good time. He's going to be okay without his mom. He's going to be learning some independence. And then later we can connect, and he can tell me all about his day.

And so it really helped to jot down and work through those moments and give myself a little grace. Because the old me would have been like, "Oh my God. Bad mom. Bad mom. Bad mom." But the Pivot Protocol really helps in those situations where you have conflicting, swirling emotions and you're asking yourself, "Okay, how do I get through this?"

You're Not Failing—You're Human

Rebecca: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And shift it in the moment, right? I like to remind people that we are humans and that there's just never going to be a scenario in our lives where we live in this magical Zen state where we are never overwhelmed, never triggered by our kids or other people, or never feeling behind. I mean, we're living ambitious lives. We've got a lot of roles, and we've got a lot of good priorities that we want to uphold. This is just the way it is.

So having tools that help us stay on track when we get off track, when we spiral a little bit, or go down a negative rabbit trail that we don't want to go down, or we're feeling guilty about something—there's a way to not stay there. You can literally pivot yourself out of that experience and into a much more intentional space.

It's like half of the work. Part of it is trying to lessen some of that conflict and overwhelm and those feelings of being behind. And then the other part is learning the tools to get yourself out of it whenever you find yourself there. Right?

Tania: Totally. Yeah. I didn't know that this was something you could do. I was like, "Oh, this is a really helpful way..."

Rebecca: I don't have to just keep thinking terrible thoughts about myself and that I'm a terrible mom over and over and over.

Tania: Yeah. Exactly.

Rebecca: I don't. And I push back all the time with people who say, "Well, mom guilt is just a thing." It's like, is it? Really? Do you have to feel that way? Does life as a working mom have to feel hard? I don't know. These seem to be narratives that we tell ourselves. And I think there's another way.

What If Mom Guilt Isn't Telling You the Truth?

Tania: Yeah. And to your point about mom guilt, I've felt so much mom guilt because you're constantly asking yourself, what do you choose? How do you choose? There's just so much.

I feel like I've been able to really speak to those situations where that mom guilt is happening and why. To sit with it and think through it more intentionally. Like, okay, does that really make sense?

It's great that my kids are in after-school care. They really love it. And so it's helped me, anytime I feel that guilt, to think through it intentionally versus letting it become a feeling that just accumulates.

That's why I think this is such a powerful way of addressing those feelings—not shoving them under the rug, but saying, "Okay, yeah, that makes sense why you would feel this, but let's explore it. Let's go deeper into it."

Rebecca: ...and question it. Is it really true? Is it true? Yeah.

Tania: Yeah. Do you need to feel that way? Is this valid? My kids are in after-school care, and I can come up with 10 different reasons why they really enjoy it and why it's great for them. And for me, it gives me that balance to focus on the work that I do.

So that's one example of how mom guilt flares up, and how the Pivot Protocol has helped me in those situations to understand how to deal with it and how to address it. And yes, in this case, let the mom guilt go. It's okay. They are good.

Rebecca: They are good. They are good. I mean, there's a lot of shifting that has taken place for you, Tania. So much shifting. And this program is only three months. Are you surprised at how much change happened for you in that short amount of time?

Tania: Yeah, I was.

Rebecca: You know, I think people are sometimes skeptical when I tell them, no, literally in three months we're going to change everything. They're like, really? I don't know.

The People Around Me Could See the Difference

Tania: I think for me, it was incredibly refreshing and reenergizing. My mom will be like, "You look great." And my sister visited me the other day and said, "You feel so much lighter." And it really does feel that way. I can't believe it was only three months. Wow. But it's wonderful when someone gives you the tools to rethink the biggest challenges you're facing. Your program gave me the tools to rethink the negative inner voice that I had, rethink how I was thinking about time, rethink all of these feelings about guilt and shame.

When you have those tools, and you have a way to think through them, it's really empowering. It's really empowering. And I really liked that a lot of these exercises were things we could do on our own. We would meet once a week, and then we could work through them during the week whenever we had the time. So I think it was both the guidance that you gave us and the exercises that we could do ourselves.

And I was committed to working on the different tools that you gave us because I really wanted to change. I really wanted to change. But yeah, three months. I can't believe it.

Rebecca: Yeah, yeah. You have to really want it, obviously, because we're talking about habit change and behavior change and priority change and changing how you're thinking about time.

I mean, this does take some commitment, but it doesn't have to take a bunch of time in order to do it. Was it a large amount of work that went into this? Was it too much? Was it just enough? Did it take a ton of your time?

It Didn't Feel Like Work—It Felt Like a Creative Playground

Tania: So I felt it was very, very, very manageable. Again, as busy moms with jobs, right? And I really liked that we learned all of these different tools upfront, but then throughout the program, after we learned about them, we got to put them into practice. And we could talk about that during the program too. We could share stories if we were comfortable and learn from others. So I thought that was a really great way to do it.

I liked having something like, okay, I've scheduled Sunday morning and I'm going to take some time to go through the workbook and work through the exercises. But it was more than that. It was the first time I had ever spent time on self-discovery and self-awareness. So it was more like, "Oh my gosh, I didn't know these were the things that matter to me. These are the things I would love my identity to be associated with. This is what I would love success to mean. This is how I would like to think about my time."

It didn't feel like work. It felt more like a creative playground to rethink your views and how you think about going through your day and your life with your family. I spend a lot of time with AI tools, and it's like someone showing you this really cool set of AI tools and a playground and saying, okay, how can I apply this? How can I modify this? How can I use this? That's what it felt like. A creative playground.

"I Don't Have Time" Is the Question Every Mom Asks

Rebecca: I love that idea. I love that idea. I've even had a couple of conversations recently with moms who might join my next program, which starts in the middle of July. And this is always something that comes up. It's like, "I don't know if I have time." Or it gets framed as, "I want to make sure that I have enough space to devote to this." It's kind of the same thing, just from the other side. It actually sounds better that direction. What would you say to a mom who was having that sort of mentality before joining the program?

It's Not More Work—It's a New Way of Living

Tania: Yeah, I can totally see that. You want to dedicate time, space, and mental energy to it when you're already feeling overwhelmed and spread thin.

And I kind of found a lot of joy in the process. It's not a chore. It's like you're learning a fun new way of being. You're learning a fun new way of making the most out of your day.

So for me, I associate it with joy and moments of fun. You're tinkering and putting together what would be this amazing vision for yourself and your life. That's what it feels like—a creative space and a creative playground that's fun and full of joy.

Rebecca: So it's less that we need to find additional time to do the work, and more that we're actually shifting the way you live your current life. It's a different integration of thinking and tools and practices. Of course, there's going to need to be a little bit of space to do some of that.

But I like that frame. It's not, "Go learn this thing that you need a bunch of time for, and then find a bunch more time in your life to incorporate it."

It's actually that you're going to live the same life and feel completely differently about it as you implement the changes we're talking about.

The Future Needs More Than Just Productivity

Tania: Yeah, exactly. Yep. I totally agree with that. I really hope—as I spend more and more time with all these AI tools—I really hope for this vision of future families, and moms in particular. And yes, I think AI education is important, but I pair that with your program because not only do they have a way to live life that is balanced and ambitious and present, but they're also able to apply that mindset and use tools like AI to get work done where they need to.

I feel like the world needs both. It totally needs both.

You need the right mindset, and then you need the right tools. And when you have both, that's how you create these incredibly productive, happy families. That's how I see it.

More Productivity Won't Fix an Overwhelmed Mind

Rebecca: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think we can get trapped into thinking that AI tools are going to solve the problem because then we think the problem is time management or productivity management and things like that.

It is a piece of it. I'm not saying it's not a piece of it. But it's not the major piece of it.

And I think that's what you learned through this. So much of this is actually internally driven that if we don't change that internal drive, the way you're thinking, the narratives you're telling yourself, and all of those things, then it doesn't matter what tools you have. At the end of the day, you're still not going to feel the way you want to feel.

The Goal Isn't More Work—It's a Better Life

Tania: Totally. Yeah. Because the AI agent is up at three in the morning. It's going to keep working. It's going to keep pinging you. And if you think success is getting more work done, then you're just setting yourself up for burnout because it's just more work begets more work begets more work.

Whereas someone who's learned to be ambitious and balanced can say, "Great. My weekend is for friends, family, and being with my kids."

I'm going to kick off this job. I'll come back to it on Monday. I've planned for it. I've set it up so it can do my revenue analysis over the weekend. And then I'll check on it when I come back.

That's the cadence I think we should be living in. We're optimizing for connection with people, our sanity, our health, our mental health, and that balance. And then we're using AI tools and other systems to help make that balanced life possible.

For the Mom Who's Sitting on the Fence

Rebecca: So good. So good. I love it. Tania, thank you so much for coming on and sharing the other way. I love that. You know, I talk about this stuff all the time, right? So it's so helpful to hear from other people, the way they describe it and ultimately their experience in the program. I think it's incredibly valuable.

Is there anything else that you feel like you want to share with the listener out there? We're right in the middle of building the next cohort. Again, it starts in the middle of July. There's already a handful of spots taken, so I'm taking about six or seven more women into that program right now.

What would you share with those six or seven women who are maybe on the fence and thinking about it?

There Really Is Another Way

Tania: I hope you'll take the leap. When I found you, Rebecca, I was in this overwhelmed spiral. I think I found you through a Google search. My search included rambly things like, "I want to feel balanced, but I'm ambitious. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so overwhelmed."

You literally came up as one of the top search results. I clicked on your website and immediately booked some time with you to learn more. And after that conversation, I was like, "Oh my gosh, you totally get it. You totally get me."

You know what it's like to be a mom. I look up to you. You're helping others navigate this very difficult season of being both ambitious and a mom.

And I'm really glad that I joined the program because I feel very empowered.

So if you're listening and you want that for yourself too, I hope you'll give yourself the opportunity. Rebecca has such a deep understanding of all the things that are happening in people's lives.

And I really don't think you'll regret it. You will find that there is another way to live.

Your Next Step Starts with a Simple Conversation

Rebecca: Yeah. I love that. Thank you so much. And there is a next step if you want to explore this further, and that's to book a Mental Load Reset Call with me. These are really easy ways to get to know me, the coaching, and the tools because we dig right into what's going on in your life right now.

We'll talk about what you want life to look like and what the path is to get there. We connect all of those dots.

So there is a link in the show notes for you to book that 30-minute call with me and get a sense and a flavor of coaching before you even make a decision about whether you want to move forward with the program.

That is what I would encourage you to do right now if you're thinking about joining the next cohort and you're feeling inspired by Tania. Thank you again so much. And working moms, until next week, let's get to it.

Tania: Thank you. 

The Mental Load Reset

One sec before you go, I want you to know that every woman who has ever transformed her life inside one of my programs started the same way.

One session. Thirty minutes. Just the two of us.

In this strategy session, we cut through the noise of your life and get specific about what's actually driving your overwhelm. You walk away with one concrete thing to do about it.

And most women tell me this is the clearest they have felt in months. I've opened up a few of these Mental Load Reset spots exclusively for podcast listeners for $9.

If you've been listening and thinking, "Oh, I wish I could chat with Rebecca without making any sort of coaching commitment," this is the next step.

And it's the one that makes everything else start to make sense.

There's a link in the show notes. Grab your Mental Load Reset spot, and I'll see you there.